Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Hello all, just popping in and there is lots to read so apologies for anything i have missed. All ok here - i have a very frustrated baby on my hands though, he is trying to crawl but can't for the life of him work out how. I can't wait for him to work it out as at the minute he just gets really annoyed every 30 seconds when he can't get to whatever toy/object he wants -argh! He is still an incredibly happy and sociable little fellow though, he smiles at EVERYONE which makes going out anywhere take twice as long as people always stop and chat to us - which really, is lovely :)

Keeping everything crossed for you Ghislaine!
Fab news Grand J, Bablylily and Natz :)
Drama such cute pics or grogeous Isabella and George too - what amazing hair he has!
Catlady so sorry to hear about the burglary but glad to hear Lawrence is now feeding a lot better.
Coffee don't worry about sounding negative, like others have said you really aren't. It's tough, i remember dreading Felix being awake at first as i just didn't know what to do with him - he just cried if he wasn't sleeping or feeding. I can't advise on the feeding but swaddling definately helped his sleep, the girls on here actually suggested it to me too and i had already tried it and decided he hated it. I persevered though and within a couple of days he loved it (or i assume he did in that he suddenly started sleeping longer!)

Love to everyone else - Can't, Numpy, Mishtabel, lovely to hear updates on the older thread babies (Mish hope you are getting on with Bella's alergies ok)

Kittens if you are reading hope you are ok, when is your next appointment? x

Hi all
Not having a great day today all the bounce has been knocked out of me, not by Isabella or George their both good as gold i'm crying my eyes out because today last year i was giving birth to Liam at 17wks.
No matter how much i knew i had come to terms with it i knew i'd be a wreck today it's amazing how much you can miss something you barely had i will be holding my lttle Izzy extra tight today i think i keep telling myself if things hadn't of happened the way they did then i wouldn't be holding her now and that, that must mean she was meant for me and it's not that Liam wasn't he was just meant to be an angel. I'm going to visit him later on which always makes me feel a little better.
Anyway sorry totally self indulgent post but i'm just not in the right frame of mind today, hope your all doing as well as can be
love as always
drama XxXxX

oh Drama thinking of you and your little Liam today, hope you have a special visit to see him today. lots of love xxx

Drama, just a quick post while my little one is sleeping. Today is bound to be a very difficult day for you - on 16 Feb this year I also cried and cried and I was surprised at how raw I could feel again. Since having Victor, we've been to visit Silvia's grave a few times and I found it much harder than before, when I was "just" pregnant. I am asking myself very often what she would have looked like, and I just remember that terrible day in hospital when I gave birth to her and the following day when we came home alone.

But as you say, although our little ones are in no way a replacement, we cannot imagine not having them, so for me at least with this great sadness also came a sort of acceptance. I will never believe it was fair though... very hard to explain. Anyway, thinking of you and Liam today.

Katie, Felix must be so cute smiling at people! Coffeebean is 5 and a half weeks and according to what I've read due his first social smile soon, so both DH and I are looking forward to it. I'll try to swaddle him again then, the couple of times I've tried he just grunted, squirmed and went red in the face and then started crying very angrily, so I gave up. It's so exciting knowing all these milestones are ahead... I have to say I've been much more relaxed these past few days, I've just started to go with the flow and not worry about doing ever little thing perfectly. The problem when having your first baby is that you read a lot to compensate in a way for the lack of experience, and then start to believe that if you don't do things a certain way you will somehow damage them, or have trouble with their behaviour later...

Hello to everyone else xxxx

Coffee, so glad to hear co-sleeping is going well for you. You'll no doubt have people tell you that you are 'making a rod for your own back' though my reply to that was always the equally clichéd 'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it'. Whatever gets you through the present time I say. And I definitely understand you not having time to reply to everyone - I think we all had a bit of advice for you

Catlady, does your DH go away often? Mine does. He'll probably be home only every second weekend for the next 6 months. I'm quite used to it now, though feel sorry that he misses out on so much. It's hard though when you have such a young baby. Glad little Lawrence is still chilled :)

Hi Cant, sounds like you and I are co-sleeping, lack-of-sleeping, one-breast-feeding twins It's so reassuring! Babycant sounds very much like Bella - about 45 minutes (hour if I'm lucky) in the cot at the start of the night, the rest in our bed. But as you said - hey ho won't be forever. As for Bella's allergies, no further exposure/reactions. Dabbed a bit of milk on the back of her neck yesterday and almost instantly a patch of hives, so I'd say no improvement. Hives also (to a lesser amount) when i dabbed cocoa on her arm the other day - was really hoping they were wrong about that one. Plucked up the courage to try soy today, and so far, so good. Still waiting for the appointment with the allergist. In the meantime, just reading the allergy boards on MN has been a godsend, I've learned (or is that learnt? - I can never tell) so much.

Ghislaine, at your post! Everything crossed for you here too xx

My belief in miracles was reaffirmed today (which may explain my overt use of 's), as a 22 month old toddler was found today after being missing overnight from the town next to ours. She had wandered from her rural home yesterday afternoon, which was surrounded by very rugged bushland, with lots of creeks and dams, and it had been raining heavily yesterday and overnight. Every time I saw or heard the helicopters flying over, it was just heart-wrenching. By this morning, couldn't help thinking the worst. But she was found earlier today with only a few scratches almost 3km (!!) from her home. It is unbelievable that she survived at all. I can't imagine what the parents went through overnight. And what that poor little girl must have gone through! Apparently all she was saying when reunited with her parents was 'Mum, Mum, Mum', poor little thing. She definitely must have had some angels looking over her though.

Hello and love to everyone else xx Manitz, roll on the 18th for you xx

Ps Drama, George sounds like such a sweetie :)

X-Post with you all - that is why I should only post during the day when you are all safely asleep. Hugs to you Drama - those mixed feelings are so hard xxx

Thinking of you today Drama. I hope you are being well looked after and having lovely cuddles with George. Sending my love. xxx

Ghislaine - best of luck with the IUI. Everything crossed for you.

Love to everyone else. I'm not on here much so not properly had a chance to catch up but I do glance in to see how everyone is getting on.

I am just waiting to hear when my appointment will be. I got a text at the end of last week saying they would be in touch this week to give me an appointment for a telephone consultation which they estimated would be in a couple of weeks (so about a week or so away now, I guess). I think I'm starting to feel quite tense again about the prospect of starting TTC again.

Mishtabel, that's an incredible story. Her parents must be beside themselves with relief!

Coffee i did exactly what you said - read loads of books to compensate for my lack of experience and ended up getting really stressed and anxious that felix wasn't eating, sleeping etc like he was supposed to! that in turn lead to horrible insomnia which i think i mentioned a while back - in retrospect i wish i had stayed away from the books and just gone with the flow like you said.

mishtabel what a happy ending to a terrifying story, so nice to hear though as you always come to expect the worst don't you.

kittens hope the consultation comes through soon x

have a lovely weekend one and all xxx

hi coffee, a very quick one on swaddling. the way it worked best for me involved their hands up as though in the startle position (mainly so dd could suck her thumb! but also because I read that's why the back is recommended as they thought the startle reflex might have something to do with cot death and babies on their front couldn't jump out of sleep - wanted to make sure they could still startle - though a lot of what I read I believe and it's prob all cod science) mammoth brackets there. So basically they were wrapped from their elbows to their toes but their hands and faces were free. this is difficult to explain but I hope that makes sense. If you've been trying it with hands down I think it would be very restricting and he might not like it. Otherwise I think it reassures them and keeps them warm and cosy.

Hello all - sorry no time to post much but just wanted to say to Drama that I hope you have managed to get through the day ok. Of course it is true that you wouldn't have Izzy if it wasn't for what happened to Liam, but I don't think that can take away from the feelings of loss of your little boy. It's so sad and so hard thinking about all the what ifs and how he could be if things had turned out differently. Lots of love to you x

Drama - just echoing others and hoping that you managed to have a peaceful day, remembering your precious Liam and letting the love for your Izzy and George comfort you.

Coffee - thanks for your words, I think from reading your past posts that I am similar to you in my feelings about this new pregnancy and (hopefully) baby. Glad you've had a good couple of nights with Victor and are relaxing into being a mummy. Hope you get that smile soon - makes your heart melt and of course allows them to get away with anything!

Kittens - good luck with the phone consultation when it comes. It's very understandable you should feel anxious. Returning into that world that you've had a break from for a while and a bit of head space must be daunting.

Mishta - I just cant imagine how terrifed and in knots the parents of that little girl must have been. What complete hell for them but thankfully what an amazing outcome.

Ghislaine - all the very best of luck. Really hope this is the month for you.

Finally, Babylily/Natz - thanks for the words of reassurance. I am going to force myself to set the wheels in motion next week. Hope you are both well and so glad scans and everything else so far have been positive for you.

Love to everyone else.

Drama, I hope today is calming and peaceful and you get to remember Liam in the way you want to. It must be such a confusing mix of emotions.

So cute to hear of all the little ones' smiles and about-to-be smiles. Makes my heart melt.

Kittens, here's hoping the consultant has a plan of action for you. I was interested to read that he recommended (or didn't dissuade you from) 5mg of folic acid. I think it was here that I read of that Israeli study linking neural tube defects and trisomies so I immediately started taking 5mg. When I raised it with the genetic counsellor, she said she didn't think there was anything it in (she found the study and wrote to me so it wasn't an instant dismissal). I went back to just the pre-natal vitamin. Then when we had our consultation with the fertility consultant last year, he did recommend extra, but only 800mcg. Too confusing and of course we all want to do what we can to prevent it happening again.

Calming thoughts going out to Cherry, manitz, babylily, grandj and Natz as your pregnancies progress.

ghislaine, it wasn't really recommended to me as such. I have been taking it since my second termination. I read about it on here back when Bee started the "Mother thread". I had contacted the Fetal Medicince Consultant at UCH with a letter of complaint about the very traumatic experience I'd had with my termination and when he called to apologise and ask my permission to use my case as an example to try and persuade the board to change their termination policy he asked if there was anything he could help me with so I brought it up with him. He said that although there was no actual firm evidence that it would make a difference that there had been some studies carried out on it and that as far as he was concerned, taking it wouldn't do me any harm so why not try and wrote a letter to my GP recommending that he prescribed it. So, that's why I'm still taking it.

I find myself in a tricky position this weekend. I have a client who I was going to do a make up trial with for her wedding next Friday but it turns out that I will be away on the originally planned day, so she has asked if I will go to her instead of her coming to me at the beginning of next week, and then she brought up the bombshell that it would be much easier for her because she has a baby daughter and that she wouldn't have to organise child care if I go to her. So, now, whilst I have been avoiding going to see one of my oldest friends who has just had a baby I find myself having to go and spend a couple of hours with a client with a young baby that she will be cooing over and attending to whilst I am trying to do my job. Great! AND I have PMT .

Kittens, I am annoyed for you that you have to face the client with the young baby so soon. But if it's any consolation, I always found the idea of that worse than the reality, as when I saw said cooed over baby, it never looked like my baby had or would do, so it suddenly seemed a bit irrelevant. I found bumps much harder as I kept imagining they would have MY baby, somehow. Mad. Anyway good luck with that.

Ghislaine, good luck to you too. The science of what to take is a nightmare.

Drama, Liam will always be your angel baby. I know what you mean about missing the lost baby and yet being unable to imagine being without Isabella. If it helps, a friend always thought that her lost baby was watching out, willing her on in her next pregnancy, and she bought her new baby a present (soft toy) from her lost baby, so there would be some kind of connection.

Hi Mishtabel, yes, we are twins! Wish co-sleeping was the right term for what we do. It's more share-a-bed-feeding-and-rolling-around-and-dummy-throwing-and-tickling-mummy-and-poking-her-in-the-eye-and-chattering... the sleeping part has been forgotten...
Coffee, so so agree on going with the flow. I had lots of books when I had DD1 and got annoyed by all of them. I suspect they all required more discipline than I ever had and children who slept more readily than mine did and do. Mumsnet has loads of useful comments. And actually the Mumsnet babies book is quite useful. Do you have that? I have an old version that have no need for and could send you if it would help? Email me if so.

Katie, Felix sounds so cute trying to crawl.... Babycant is trying to walk....

Catlady, you sound so chilled.... it's so much easier after the first time, isn't it?

Wonder how RushingRachel is doing, and Gina, and Poot.

And we've not heard from Viv lately, have we?

Thanks Cantdo, it's a different sentiment for me now I think. So much other stuff has happened since the two terminations that I am kind of past the feeling of "that could've been the baby that I chose to say goodbye to", nowadays it's more like the possibility of coming to terms with the fact that this may not ever happen for me.

I think there are a couple of factors that aren't helping either. One is that this client in particular has been a little awkward already, which I think makes me more irritated that suddenly she has thrown this situation at me. Also, after the last 3 months of not really thinking about babies or pregnancy that much I am now at a point where I am having to start thinking about TTC again and it's made me feel rather uptight and emotional. If it turns out that I have high NK Cells then I will be having treatment and scans by the consultant that specialises in that quite a way from home, but then I guess, alongside that I will be under the FMU locally. Where before I would've gone for an early CVS without doubt I am now scared because I've had 4 miscarriages and if I get to that point without having a miscarriage and then the CVS causes one, well, that would just be the icing on the cake really.

Anyway, I still have a good 2-3 weeks before I even get my test results back. Can't you tell, my speciality is worrying about things before they are even an issue?

I'm sure being around this client's baby will be fine. I've done it before with another client shortly after a miscarriage and I was ok. It depends what the client is like I suppose too. If she is nice then I will be fine.

Kittens - I am worrier too - but regarding the CVS, please don't think about that yet! You may well have odds that imply that CVS would be avoidable. And in any case you are in London with experts (isnt there a consultant there who has NEVER lost a baby to CVS?).

As for the client, if she is annoying, maybe you could slip with the blusher...?

I meant to say - I love your advice on style threads - you manage to be sensitive and sensible and helpful without being cloying. Bet you are great at your job.

You're right about the CVS Cantdo, no point worrying just yet.

Glad you like my posts. I wrote what I thought was a fairly concise and helpful answer to someone the other day who was after advice on doing her wedding make up and she didn't even come back on the thread so I'm starting to wonder why I bother in a lot of cases!

I've finally called the geneticist today and she has booked me in for an early scan tomorrow morning. I'm 8 weeks by LMP. I had hoped that speaking to her might reassure me but she isnt able to really. She told me what I already know, nuchal will only give me risk for heart conditions and trisomies, CVS in this area has 1 in 50 miscarriage risk and amnio (if I choose invasive testing)would be better. And invasive testing is the only way I could know if this baby has what Leila had, scans may well all look normal certainly in the early stages. I'd have to wait till I come back from holiday to have amnio meaning I'd be 18+ weeks by then. I have to go back to the same hospital tomorrow for the scan which I know will be really hard. Don't think I'm coping with being pregnant well at all. Sat and cried after putting the phone down - brings it all back, not that it's ever gone away, but now more focused.

On the plus side (kind of!) I feel really sick, which I did with DD and didnt with Leila. I'm hoping its a good sign.

This is so hard isn't it, I know I need to summon up a lot of courage.

Sorry for lack of personals, somewhat drained and preoccupied today - hope everyone is well.

Cherry, thinking of you today, I hope your scan will be a good one. I still think a good nuchal may be reassuring, despite not offering any certainties. This has been true for a few ladies in here and will hopefully be for you too.

I don't think there are good or bad ways of coping with being pregnant after a loss. You are here, 8 weeks already, and one day at a time you will get there. I've had a lot of bad days in this pregnancy but surprisingly good ones too. It seemed to go very slowly at the time, but looking back now I don't know where the 9 months went. Be gentle to yourself, you ARE coping.

Kittens, are you ok after meeting your client and her baby? I am a worrier too, so I completely understand why you are projecting ahead, but you are dealing with this so so well... There just has to be a spell of good luck coming your way, you've had more than your share! Sending you a hug.

All well in the Coffee household, except for the housework... we are living in a pigsty at the moment... Coffeebean is doing well, except for tummy cramps keeping him (and me) awake for a few hours every night. Bless his, he is straining and screaming, and goes off the breast arching his back, I wish I could do more than cuddle him and give him gripe water. Hopefully it will get better soon, he is a different baby when settled, and I am much more relaxed.

Cantdo, I have the MN babies book, thanks for offering to send it to me. I also found it the most useful of all.

Hello to everybody else xxxx

Cantdo was right. Once I got there I was fine. She was a really cute baby and my client was really nice too. I'm on a shoot today and one of the photographers has her 3 month old baby with her too. Seems to be a theme this week! Two good things have come from it too. I now feel ready to meet my friend's baby and it's resurrected my broodiness as well.

Coffee - many thanks for your words and for understanding. Well, so far so good. I saw the lovely geneticist at the hospital and was scanned by one of the consultants (same one who did the amnio last time) so we got a good chance to talk through everything and voice all of our fears. Came away feeling a little reassured. The scan showed a baby with it's heart beating away and she dated me at 8+4 (I was 8+1 by LMP). I'm very relieved at this as with Leila they put me back 8 days despite me being completely sure of my ovulation date. They have also pretty much ruled out CVS unless I get a really bad risk result. Miscarriage risk is 1 in 50 and they think it should probably be avoided unless absolutely necessary. The geneticist said that when a unbalanced translocation is de novo as in leilas case, she doesn't have examples of people she's seen having the same problem again. Of course there can be other problems but still, some reassurance that actually the risk of the same thing happening again is truly very low.

They've also given me dates for Nuchal scan and a detailed scan at 18 weeks (the week I get back from holiday). So good to know all I need to do now is wait and prepare for each hurdle as it comes.

Kittens - sounds like a real positive step forward and glad meeting your client turned out to be fun and not something to just get through. Good luck with your tel appointment when it comes.

Manitz - isnt it your nuchal coming up? How are you feeling?

Cherry i was just about to wish you luck and then read your most recent post - brilliant news! Am glad you got some reassuarance too, waiting for the nuchal results seems very sensible.

Coffee i remeber times of scremy windy pains. I think i tried everything infacol, gripe water, colief, dentinox etc but they do just magically dissapear at around 3 months.

Kittens glad your shoot went well x

cherry, really pleased that you've had a reassuring scan, and that your medical team are so positive. I found being told i didn't need CVS a real boost - made me feel like i was just a 'normal' pregnancy (and that bad things don't always keep happening to good people) Wishing the next few weeks til the nuchal go by quickly and calmly...
I have also been given dates further along from my scans this time, also very reassuring after my last pregnancy dating a week behind where he should've been (a result of his edwards syndrome). It's the little things like that which make the difference (having a confident day today thanks to a very wriggly 18+ wk bump)
xx

Cherry - great news about the scan. It was the same for me with being dated forward, it feels very reassuring that the babies are growing well. In a way I found the early days not too bad as I knew there was no way of knowing if there was a problem or not so in a way I could relax and just see what happened. Sadly I am nowhere near as calm now!

Coffee - my DD had an awful tummy when she was tiny. We did 3 sessions of cranial osteopathy and she was miraculously cured - I know this sounds weird but that's how it felt at the time. After the first session we came home and she fell asleep for 3 1/2 hours or something, which at the time was the longest period she had ever slept for. I'm not really an "alternative" medicine person but I would really recommend it. The osteopath told me that there is a nerve at the side of babies' heads that governs sucking and sometimes it is a bit squashed and they take in more wind. Who knows but whatever she did seemed to work.

Hello ladies, sorry, another brief "me" post. I've been out for tea at The Savoy for my MIL's 80th birthday and am off tomorrow to Devon for a week with the whole set of in-laws/partners/kids - there's going to be 20 of us!

Just wanted to let you know the latest developments. My NK Cell levels came back almost double the normal level, which may be what has been causing my miscarriages, so they are putting me on a treatment plan of steroids which I take from ovulation until my period is due. Then, if my period shows up I stop taking them until I ovulate again and it I get a BFP then i carry on taking them, along with progesterone pessaries until 14 weeks. Not very excited about taking all those steroids but if that's what it takes then that's what I need to do! At least we have a plan of action.

Good to hear of positive scan stories recently. Hope everyone else and all the thread babies are doing well. Apologies for lack of personals.... again! Need to go and pack, finish laundry, change cat tray etc etc.

xx