To not want to babysit friend's kid

Remember when you couldn't go out much? Your kids are old enough now that you can go out these aren't maybe just once wood be nice and then every other weekend you have to do what you please. If you don't want to then just say no, don't lie to your friends.

I would tell her that since you've retired you've been inundated with childminding requests from friends and neighbours and youve decided not to do it for anyone especially as you want to keep your weekends flexible after years of clock watching.
Repeat as often as requires

I would just text your friend and say that one of your dc has asked you to go out with them for the day as they know your dh is busy that day.
Say that you are giving them enough notice to hopefully find a sitter.

bit confused here! your hubby is going to the same event so why are you not going with him? tell him that you are going with him and tell her that you cannot babysit because you are going with hubby

I'd do it but say your happy to help this time as a one off. If you get asked again be ready with a NO!

I think there’s still plenty of time to pull out if you haven’t already gone back and confirmed that you will do it. You mentioned that they do have other babysitter options but just don’t want to use them. Why not? Because they feel more comfortable that it would be good old you doing it and because you won’t charge them. That’s not to say they shouldn’t take the time and trouble to get to know somebody else to do it and to build up confidence in them for all future babysitting needs.
Just message and refer back to that loose, half-hearted agreement you gave where you said you thought it might be ok and say you have just realised that it isn’t ok after all and thank goodness they have time to contact one of the local babysitters in your area.
You would actually be doing them a favour by forcing them to think about their plan B.
Nine hours out of your weekend is a cheeky request in my opinion, they were taking you for granted, so don’t feel bad about it.

Useful phrase....
'that date rings a bell, I think I'm already booked up. I'll let you know, but don't count on me, I've a feeling it's a no'

I think honesty is always the best policy with things like this.

Say, I'm so sorry that I half-heartedly agreed to baby-sit, but I really don't want to do it. Having lived through that stage, I really don't want to do have to do it again, ever. Bla bla bla. Sorry.

I wouldn't say she caught you on the hop or anything, but just be honest.

People accept honesty.

What they don't accept are stupid excuses.

Personally, I think she is seriously cheeky to have asked you in the first place. That really was putting on you.

Tell her as soon as.

call tor text and tell the ‘friend’ you aren’t available to babysit that day. Hope they enjoy their day out.

people who do not have free childcare available should pay for it, or one or both parents should be home with the kids.

not wanting to care for other peoples kids is not terrible of you. I can’t stand other people’s kids. It would need to be a proper emergency for me to step in and help with childcare for anyone. And that does not make me a bad person.

part of making the choice to have kids is recognising it’s a bloody long term responsibility. You don’t go around palming off your child to everyone.

... and if you do do it, she WILL expect you to do it again, and that will be worse for you to get out of.

Ewwww no!!! YANBU @Melmi256 I have had 2 kids (now late 20s, and left home 7-8 years ago,) and I won't look after ANYone's kids. Oh hell to the no!!!!!!!!! DH and I looked after and raised our own two. (I did 75% of the childcare myself I would say as DH worked more hours,) and we had NO help from anyone.

Mine and DH's parents died when we were quite young, and we had no help - financial or otherwise - with our kids. Looked after them ourselves. Loved it at the time (20 years of it!) but would not do it again. That's why I struggle to fathom how and why people have another kid at 42+ when they have kids that are adults already.

Anyway - this is one of the main reasons why there's no fucking WAY I would be babysitting other peoples kids. A neighbour of mine has hinted several times that me and DH 'can babysit if we like ha ha ha,' several times now. We just say 'oh no you wouldn't want him with us, we eat babies for supper!' Then we walk off/drive off etc.

She chose to have a baby on her own, when her parents live 200 miles away and her sister lives 300 miles away - and she has NO HELP ... But this is not our problem! It's her problem that she has no-one to look after him while she fucks off out. She can pay for childcare - like WE had to.

#sorrynotsorry I am not a mug, and neither is DH.

We keep a lovely garden too, and have had remarks and hints from 3 or 4 neighbours - including this woman with the baby, to 'come and do our garden if you like...' A few people have said it 3 or 4 times, and it's got to the point now, where it doesn't feel like they're joking, and would absolutely take us up on it if we said yes.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

We have around an acre altogether of garden, and multiple bushes, trees, and plants, and flowers, and it's hard work ... I LOVE it, but it is hard work... A few neighbours seem to be under the bizarre impression that just because I enjoy gardening, and spend 12-15 hours a week out there (from April to October,) that I want to do theirs.

Ditto with kids. Because me and DH had them - nearly 30 years ago, some people think we can look after theirs/want to look after theirs, and want 'cuddles' with their newborn (ewwwwww,) NOPE, I am not interested in your children, just because I had 2. Feck off! 😆

p.s. Obviously I will look after my own grandchildren - sometimes - if and when my kids have kids themselves, but no-one else's. Nope! Been there, done that, paid my dues, earned my stripes, done my bit lalala.

i'd want part of that £100 saved to be given to me for some sort of afternoon activity (and lunch out). Plus evening meal provided (inc drink) and then plan a good movie you rent/watch off streaming. In their house. Plus they pay for you to get home if appropriate.

No you don't. You can tell her that you've thought about it and you won't be able to help her. It's a bonus that she will then think you are flaky and unreliable (so hopefully the very last person she will ask next time!).

She will be annoyed with you, but so what?

You can’t back out now! That would be really unfair. The time to say no was a week ago when she first asked. She isn’t going to believe any excuse you give now anyway.

I think they’re absolutely taking advantage. 9 hours!? How old is the child? No guarantee they will come home on from a boozy charity dinner, either.

It’s not too late to say no. But tell them straight away, via text if it’s easier.

And you know if you suck it up this time you’ll be top of their list next time!

Exactly what Frazzle said!

Of course it's not too late to back out now! It's weeks until the event and OP only half-agreed a week ago.
You would NOT be a bad person for saying no now, though better done sooner than later.

Do it as a one off but have something prepared in your head to say if it comes up again so you can decline.
Also make sure you mention in front of them how much you are enjoying the lack of commitments and freedom etc you have now…and hope they put 2 and 2 together

Let her know now, so she can make other plans. It's ok to say no if you really don't want to do it.

Don't do it. She'll think you're flaky and unreliable but that's a bonus here because it will make her less likely to ask you again. If she complains, get really upset and tell her you think she qas really selfish to start bugging you for babysitting when whe KNOWS you yourself never had help and were really looking forward to having your weekends free of stressful childcare. Say you were really looking forward to taking your youngest to [make up an outing you could have done that day] and you are so upset she has taken up your entire weekend day so she can go out with her husband yet again leaving you unable to do something fun with your own child.

It'll be fine OP..think of it as a future lesson.."I'll double check and get back to you..". I do understand though, what a pain. But don't stress, you'll be fine

I'd decline and say I've got pre-existing plans but here's the number for a local babysitter every time she asks. She needs to start paying people for their time.

OP I think you definitely can back out if you didn't give a firm yes.

Send a message along the lines of 'hi friend, I know I said I could probably babysit child for charity event but turns out I'm not free that day after all. Should have checked my diary at the time, sorry, my bad'

Keep it breezy but be firm. They might be a bit miffed but they'll get over and hopefully won't ask again if they think you're flakey.

I agree, it’s very mean to say yes if you aren’t going to stick to it, even meaner not to pull out of the agreement asap if you change your mind. You have left her thinking FOR A WEEK that she has got the arrangement sorted, now she has to turn around and find an alternative sitter.

I haven’t read all the thread so sorry if I am repeating something. I am just like you - can’t say no and get in a middle if I lie, it’s frustratingly awful. Could you say you will do it but at their home ? Then the mess / breakages / maybe poo 💩 is in their home. You wouldn’t need to worry about tidying up and things getting broken. Just let them crack on with whatever they do and you take a good book / charging wire and phone / magazine and some chocolate for when he isn’t in the room ?