To not want to babysit friend's kid

Mumsnet has become a truly child hating place for a parenting forum.

OP clearly deeply dislikes the child and for that reason alone she shouldn’t babysit.

On the other hand if the couple in question goes out often and uses their friends for unpaid childcare, that is quite cheeky. I personally only ask my friends to babysit mine if in an emergency, or if I can reciprocate and look after theirs in return, or if they specifically offer. Otherwise I just use paid babysitters like many others do.

If you agree to do this babysitting, they are likely to ask you again. Ask yourself, why are you so scared to say no to this friend? Do you think she will be angry or upset with you? What’s the worst that can happen? I’m known for being blunt, but I find people are more respectful if you are direct with them.

My reply would be ‘I’ve thought about your request to babysit (brat who shat) and I’ve decided it will be too much for me. I won’t be able to help you. You’ll need to ask someone younger who has more energy to deal with such a lively child’

This I’m afraid

You don’t have to say it like that though but why agree to babysit in the first place, I’m sure your feelings about that child have been like this for a while?

Either way - I agree with you re: the paid babysitters and that’s what they should do, asking for 9 hours of someone’s time for anything else than emergency/very special occasion is a bit cheeky. But they only asked and you really don’t have to say yes.

If you insist on going ahead with it OP then I would suggest you ask for cash and use it to take him out for the day.

Parks, theme parks, beach, woodlands, wherever he can run around and wear himself out then maybe cinema for a bit of peace and pizza hut for dinner.

Message your friend 'just firming up arrangements for babysitting, is £10 ph ok? I'd like it upfront please so that I can take him out'

You'll miss out if you DO do it. She doesn't feel guilty about taking up 9 hr of your weekend so HER weekend can be nice. 9 hr is LOT of babysitting, even for an easy kid, let alone one who hides feces. I think the problem is the husband who will essentially browbeat you if you don't allow them to use you. This whole thing about not wanting strangers to look after their kid is basically just another way to guilt trip you into being a free babysitter at their beck and call.

I also would not buy into the thing about how you already said yes do you're committed. She put you on the spot, probably for that very reason. They are using all the usual ways of manipulating someone into being used. If you do it, then tell her straight up, "I'm doing this because you put me on the spot and I didn't feel like I could say no. I'm letting you know now that it was way too much for you to ask and I think you were really selfish. Do not ask me to babysit again."

I had friends who called me once after school because they were stuck in a bad traffic jam and needed their child picked up from school and babysat on emergency. They showed up, I kid you not, 6 hours later, about 9 pm. Totally unreachable by phone in between. Must have been a really bad traffic jam! Found out later they just decided to stay late at work and get more done cuz they knew their kid was with me.

Some people will just use you as much as you let them. They'll use every trick in the book to make you feel like you're unreasonable to say no.

What? 10 ph? No way. Make it 20. 30.

Not your monkeys, not your circus. Your friend is a CF and pay fir care of HER children

Then that's their problem.

If there are plenty of paid sitters available, just say a family matter has come up and you can't do it.

“Not wanting strangers to look after them” is such a bullshit excuse - none of us love having to find these “strangers” but for most of us it’s either that or not going out, full stop.

If you’re feeling generous OP, send her some phone numbers of those local teens. You don’t want to babysit (and that’s a valid enough reason), you don’t like the child (also fair enough), it’s not letting them down last minute, they will still have time to make other arrangements.

I don’t agree that asking a friend to babysit makes somebody a CF. I happily babysit my friend and family’s kids regularly, it’s not cheeky to ask a friend because there are plenty of people who genuinely don’t mind looking after other peoples children. I actually enjoy babysitting. Obviously it’s fine for the OP not to want to babysit, but assuming the friend just asked politely and hasn’t tried to trick or force the OP into babysitting I don’t see what about asking makes her a CF. The OP should have said no, it’s not the friends fault the OP said yes but actually meant no!

@Melmi256 in that case buy a theatre or concert ticket ticket for something and say that your DC has given it to you as a treat (obviously discuss the plan with your children first!). It gives you a definite reason to not be available which is easier to explain. Ignore the horrible husband if he makes comments as this type always see childcare as women’s work.

These people don’t seem to be your genuine friends. Do you honestly believe that they would have ever done the same thing for you?

‘Erm I might be able to’ is not a firm yes op. Just text your friend and say hiya friend I’ve checked the calendar and I’m really sorry, I’ve got something on with dc/mum/whoever. Then if you feel bad, say you could do the first 3 hours or something so you’ve still offered help and they can’t be arsey.

I agree with @aloris

And 9 hours is a huge ask. They’re really not concerned with you losing half your weekend.

Assuming you do it, I think you have to make it clear there won't be any repeats.
'Oh. thanks so much for this!'
'No problem. Just to let you know, though, my baby sitting days are behind me so I won't be able to help in future, but I don't mind as a one off.'
Then when they ask again, you can remind them you said it was a once only offer.

You're a better person than me OP, I wouldn't!

But I did say yes recently to something I really, really didn't want to do - definitely a lesson learned to say no next time! x

I know you don't want to anyway OP but it would be a bad idea to ask for cash - it then makes it a monetary transaction and they might well feel they can ask again (whilst slagging you off behind your back for being a tight arse.) It's not the money, it's the taking up of your weekend.

I'm the same, it's really hard when you're on the spot! So definitely don't beat yourself up.

We'll both be stronger next time I'm sure (as I definitely don't want to look after a school
mum's hoard of animals again..!!)