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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
Whyohwhywyoming · 02/09/2023 15:48

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:46

@7eleven i didn’t mention it as it maybe outing ? Not many children that have done this and was in response to ah most kids are a bit annoying etc but it’s more than that.
Well she has no close family members to ask for child care - she has other adult friends that have done it extensively over summer to which I think they have exhausted and would feel uncomfortable asking for more … espec 9hours … so for this weekend I’m probably only the viable option as I haven’t done it recently.
min pretty sure the other people they know they have imposed a little too much already.

Hopefully this thread will be posted on Facebook and then you won’t need to come up with an excuse 🤷🏻‍♀️

7eleven · 02/09/2023 15:49

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:46

@7eleven i didn’t mention it as it maybe outing ? Not many children that have done this and was in response to ah most kids are a bit annoying etc but it’s more than that.
Well she has no close family members to ask for child care - she has other adult friends that have done it extensively over summer to which I think they have exhausted and would feel uncomfortable asking for more … espec 9hours … so for this weekend I’m probably only the viable option as I haven’t done it recently.
min pretty sure the other people they know they have imposed a little too much already.

Sounds like she needs pointing in the direction of a babysitting agency, before everyone gets really fed up.

ploofmamoof · 02/09/2023 15:49

7eleven · 02/09/2023 15:43

Just to add, I think it’s blimmin cheeky to ask someone to babysit for that long, for anything other than a special occasion, like a wedding.

This thread is full of bloody martyrs, including the OP.
As long as the person doing the asking makes it clear that they do not expect the person to say yes then what is wrong with asking?!
OP it's irrelevant that you didn't go out when your children were small. You said yes a week ago when you could very easily have said no. You need to go through with it and practice saying no for next time.

BeachHutCornwall · 02/09/2023 15:50

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:48

@Whyohwhywyoming I don’t think this kid reads mn

You missed the point entirely, there.

What you are doing is morally reprehensible, encouraging other people to pile on this child.

HundredMilesAnHour · 02/09/2023 15:50

Jesus OP, stop being so wet and just tell them you can't do it. You don't have to give a reason. If they ask, just say it's private and not something you want to discuss.

MikeRafone · 02/09/2023 15:50

Just say

Hi Mate, Ive actually got plans for x date that you needed a babysitter - so im not going to be able to sit for you that day. But a friend recommended this website for babysitters and put in childcare dot co dot uk as the sitters can upload dis and qualifications etc

BeachHutCornwall · 02/09/2023 15:51

The Daily Mail have just PM me

Irridescantshimmmer · 02/09/2023 15:52

Just say no.

Make it clear you mean no and she won't put you in that situation again. Just stand your ground, its their turn to make sacrifices, not yours.

Sapphire387 · 02/09/2023 15:53

I hate the attitude 'I never had any help so why should they get any?'

Surely you would think 'gosh it was so hard never having any help, I'll help my friend out occasionally'.

I'm not saying all the time, depends how often she is asking. Remembering she is your friend and remembering how hard you found it, you could do her this one favour?

Gothambutnotahamster · 02/09/2023 15:53

TeeBee · 02/09/2023 14:19

'Dear Friend, what a numpty I am...I've just checked my calendar on the day that you wanted me to have DS and just realised that I'm already committed that day and I've had it booked in for months so can't pull out. so sorry, I should have checked first. Hope you can find someone else.'

Job done.

This (although I'd then book something - spa day / afternoon tea / theatre trip - even if i didn't want to go, so that I had answers prepared).

SpuytenDuyvil · 02/09/2023 15:54

If you end up doing it, can't you watch the kid at their house? At least you won't have to worry about the kid misbehaving in your house.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:54

@7eleven and it’s not the nobody helped me so I won’t help anyone … it’s more that I’m now at a phase where I don’t require any help and therefore enjoy the freedom of not being restricted to childcare ! So I don’t want to start doing it for someone else I want to enjoy my weekends as I please !
I do look after dc friends but they don’t require any looking after … I know they will chill together and not run amok in my house.

OP posts:
Issuefroth · 02/09/2023 15:54

It’s a long time away, pull out, it’s not last minute. Don’t do it - but do look up the “Freedman and Fraser foot-in-the-door technique”
They might be friends of yours but friends can be CF over childcare

BeachHutCornwall · 02/09/2023 15:55

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:54

@7eleven and it’s not the nobody helped me so I won’t help anyone … it’s more that I’m now at a phase where I don’t require any help and therefore enjoy the freedom of not being restricted to childcare ! So I don’t want to start doing it for someone else I want to enjoy my weekends as I please !
I do look after dc friends but they don’t require any looking after … I know they will chill together and not run amok in my house.

Yknow, several people have suggested you watch the child at their house, but you seem to be ignoring this

Bagofmaltesers · 02/09/2023 15:56

You will dread the day and then you will hate all 9 hours of it. Find something else to do so that you are not available. What about deciding you want to join your husband and go to the event too?

Poivresel · 02/09/2023 15:56

BeachHutCornwall · 02/09/2023 15:51

The Daily Mail have just PM me

Not exactly a compliment is it?

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:56

@Sapphire387 in going to do it , basically I’d feel too guilty to back out now … so I will reluctantly do it and just have a line ready for next time.

OP posts:
Fruitynutcase · 02/09/2023 15:56

As you have more or less said yes I would do it if you value the friendship but after that no more and say so straight away .

MummyJ36 · 02/09/2023 15:56

There’s such a difference babysitting so your friends can go out in the evening or as an emergency and babysitting for 9 hours so they can go and get day drunk!! I also find it really hard to say no and I’ve found I just need to have a couple of excuses in the bag that I can whip out if I’m put on the spot. Or even just something as simple as “I’m not sure what my plans are that day, let me get back to you” has definitely sufficed in the past.

I also don’t really have access to friends who can babysit and like you me and DH have had to accept that at this star in life we either suck it up and pay for a babysitter or we find another way around it, usually just one of us going to an event. You are not wrong to not want to take on the burden of someone else’s child!

Original poster
Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:58

@BeachHutCornwall well I could yes …. But for such a long stretch of time I’d prefer the comforts of my own home. But yes I could possibly do this

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 15:59

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:56

@Sapphire387 in going to do it , basically I’d feel too guilty to back out now … so I will reluctantly do it and just have a line ready for next time.

Will you be doing it in your own house, @Melmi256

Badgerstmary · 02/09/2023 16:00

Op it definitely isn’t too late to say no as you didn’t confirm that you could actually do it. They have plenty of time to sort out a sitter & realistically should have done so before agreeing to go. It is their problem, not yours. Why make the next weeks horrible for you, dreading those 9 hrs.

Gothambutnotahamster · 02/09/2023 16:00

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 15:56

@Sapphire387 in going to do it , basically I’d feel too guilty to back out now … so I will reluctantly do it and just have a line ready for next time.

You're being a mug Op and they'll definitely ask you again in the future!

crumblylancs · 02/09/2023 16:01

Yeah if you've already agreed if maybe just suck it up this time and be ready for the next one- and in between make a lot of noise about enjoying getting your life back now the kids are older so they might think twice about asking

MinnieGirl · 02/09/2023 16:02

TeeBee · 02/09/2023 14:19

'Dear Friend, what a numpty I am...I've just checked my calendar on the day that you wanted me to have DS and just realised that I'm already committed that day and I've had it booked in for months so can't pull out. so sorry, I should have checked first. Hope you can find someone else.'

Job done.

This

I don’t care how good friends they are, no way would I want to be stuck with a badly behaved whingy child for 9 hours….
And next time she asks just laugh and no way..