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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 03/09/2023 16:29

I think I must just be really odd. I'd do a friend a favour like this. Not all the time, but surely friends do help each other out on occasion. Hope you never need anything from her.

LAMPS1 · 03/09/2023 16:39

Well done OP.
You are doing the right thing. They can now set themselves up with a regular babysitter in plenty of time. Best all round.

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 16:43

@Sapphire387 but I do do things for her , and I have babysat in the past. I think 9 hours is a p*ss take and I’d never impose on someone like this !

OP posts:
Squarepegroundhole78 · 03/09/2023 17:16

Have you said no yet?!!

Beautiful3 · 03/09/2023 17:16

Well done OP. At first I felt sorry for you as I've been in that situation, hard pressed to commit in front of a large group. When I dont like to lie but equally couldn't say, "but I don't want to!" But you've really turned the situation around, well done. Now I always say, I'll check that date on the calandar and get back to you. It works every time, and gives me a chance to think about what I'm doing and if I really want to do that favour.

CherryMaDeara · 03/09/2023 17:20

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 14:00

@TheRealLilyMunster haha ! Actually I’ve decided that I REALLY don’t want to do it ! So I’m not going to …. And I going to start it with hey I know I hadn’t committed 100% and said I MAY be able to do it ….. we’ll actually I can’t because xyz reason so just confirming now so you have a good few weeks to sort an alternative.

Well done? What was her response?

Shinyandnew1 · 03/09/2023 17:26

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 16:43

@Sapphire387 but I do do things for her , and I have babysat in the past. I think 9 hours is a p*ss take and I’d never impose on someone like this !

Can I be nosy and ask what you put in your text…and what did she reply?!

Gothambutnotahamster · 03/09/2023 17:33

Well done Op - stand firm!

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:39

@Shinyandnew1 I said hey I know you’d asked if a could look after kid and I said I might be able to do it but I’ve been scheduled on shift at work that weekend now unfortunately! (A lie but I just didn’t feel strong enough to say the truth ) hope you have plenty of time to sort someone else !

no response yet … but it’s been read

OP posts:
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:40

@CherryMaDeara no response yet eeek

OP posts:
Gothambutnotahamster · 03/09/2023 17:47

Great Op - no matter her response, keep saying no.

billy1966 · 03/09/2023 17:49

Well done OP.

She knows you are soft.

Don't be a mug.

You don't owe ANYONE your precious time.

Emergency yes.
Leisure, nope.

Go spend time with your children.

There is no way I would mind the feral child of even a good friend, nope.

Some people find it easy to ask.
She things you are a bit of a mug unfortunately.

Some people find it easy to ask big favours.
This is a huge one that was recently asked of my friend.

My single friends has retired from a long career in teaching, and is making lots of happy plans and quite excited about the future.
She is a wonderful hobby painter and is really very talented IMO.

Another very close friend of hers whose child is someone she has watched growing up , also a teacher has asked if she will childmind her godchild one day a week, from November, as she NOW has lots of free time????

My friend is shocked, and aghast, and actually cannot quite believe the presumption of it.

She lives within 10 minutes by car of her, and is fond of them both...

She was so blindsided by it she was struck dumb and mumbled she would have to think about it.

Having shared a couple of glasses of wine with me and another friend she went back and said she couldn't possibly commit.

Her friend was surprised and disappointed as thought she'd "love to be involved"🙄.

My pal is genuinely bemused and wondering is she living in a parallel universe.

Why on earth would she want to tie herself to one day a week.

She looked after her friends child a bit over the years and was obliging, but she has been looking foward to travelling now that she is retired.

Things are now awkward as her friend has admitted to her and her daughter feeling very left down.

I don't know these people personally, but my reaction is wtf???

So unbelievably entitled.

Issuefroth · 03/09/2023 17:49

You did the right thing. Seems like they could be sulking but that is their issue.

billy1966 · 03/09/2023 17:51

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:39

@Shinyandnew1 I said hey I know you’d asked if a could look after kid and I said I might be able to do it but I’ve been scheduled on shift at work that weekend now unfortunately! (A lie but I just didn’t feel strong enough to say the truth ) hope you have plenty of time to sort someone else !

no response yet … but it’s been read

Whatever works.

I'd volunteer for a shift if necessary to get out of this.

Next time you will be ready with Nope!

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:56

She has just replied with oh ok and thought my shifts are scheduled monthly ?!! Which they are normally but I’m shocked she has questioned it don’t feel I have to justify this ! As it’s does happen occasionally!

and then… but no problem hopefully I can find Someone else as we’ve committed to going now - wtf I know for a fact they’d committed before asking me !!!

OP posts:
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:58

@billy1966 wow that is crazy !! Some people are on a different planet … makes it sound like she was doing her a favour letting her look after the kid !

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 03/09/2023 18:03

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:58

@billy1966 wow that is crazy !! Some people are on a different planet … makes it sound like she was doing her a favour letting her look after the kid !

Oops - wrong quote!

Silvers11 · 03/09/2023 18:04

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:56

She has just replied with oh ok and thought my shifts are scheduled monthly ?!! Which they are normally but I’m shocked she has questioned it don’t feel I have to justify this ! As it’s does happen occasionally!

and then… but no problem hopefully I can find Someone else as we’ve committed to going now - wtf I know for a fact they’d committed before asking me !!!

Well I am glad you said no, finally - but you're telling a lie, so you can't really have a go at her telling you a lie, if you see what I mean!

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 03/09/2023 18:08

I would say "I know we discussed the possibility of me babysitting and I said I may be able to - unfortunately I've checked and I can't. So sorry I hope you had someone else lined up as I hadn't confirmed".

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:08

Silvers11 · 03/09/2023 18:04

Well I am glad you said no, finally - but you're telling a lie, so you can't really have a go at her telling you a lie, if you see what I mean!

Yes I get that ! It’s probably because if it was me I’d just take the hint and not question it !

OP posts:
blablabla123 · 03/09/2023 18:11

So glad you said no!!!!!!

Quitelikeit · 03/09/2023 18:12

I think you sound a tad spiteful tbh!

Ironically you complain you had no childcare and so you know how hard it can be yet you seem to feel like she should suffer and struggle just because you did! How bizarre

busymomtoone · 03/09/2023 18:14

Not sure how to delete previous as replied without reading all thread!! Sorry !

Zerosleep · 03/09/2023 18:15

It feels like one of those situations where you will get asked time and time again if you say yes once. I would say no as you will be making plans. I wouldn’t get into that at all.

Lolabugs · 03/09/2023 18:15

It is for sure your choice, and if you can do it, you should let her know.

I’d question the friendship though. It’s a one off, you don’t have plans, you know what’s it like yourself as you said. If that’s is a “friend” not sure why you wouldn’t want to spend time with her child and bond.