To not want to babysit friend's kid

What comes next is going to be some tough love.

Are you normally this wishywashy about stuff @Melmi256 ?

You've been provided with oodles of ways to turn the requester down for looking after the child but you still want to be a martyr to the cause and you're going to go through with it. In God's name why? You don't want to do it so don't do it. Turn the requester down but give them the time they will need to find someone else.

It's not your job to try to make the requester feel better. It's not your job to find them a babysitter or even to be the babysitter here.

Let them know that you can't look after their child but do it now, rather than in a few days time when you've had enough time to mull it over and put yourself through the wringer here. You posted on AIBU asking if you were unreasonable to NOT want to babysit the kid of a friend of yours. Well you wouldn't be unreasonable to not want to. You would be very unreasonable, if only to yourself to not want to do it, then to do it but to do it under duress/pressure that you are putting on yourself to see it through.

NO ONE, not even the requester here, would think any less of you if you back out now. Is it to 'save face' that you'd go through with it?
I actually don't know why, when you've finally got a weekend to yourself after rearing your own kids that you would agree to do this. Back out now and it's done!

I've historically been a people pleaser so I absolutely get that it's hard to say no. And also to not equate saying no with being a bad friend..

But it really is okay to say no and -as I say- I bet you'd help on other ways if asked. I think that's how I reconcile it. There are things I'm happy to help friends with. Most things actually (lifts to Station for eg) and things I'm not, because it would make me stressed and unhappy to do so (including looking after other people's kids and animals if it exceeds one cat or dog)

Just say a relative has booked you a day out as a surprise as they knew your dh was out for the whole day, so you're sorry but you're not free after all. Then book and have the day out (Spa day/day out with your children etc).

Id just be honest and say you felt put on the spot but it's stressing you out even thinking about it - it's been a long time since you've had a kid all day by yourself and you don't really want to do it. At least you're not cancelling last minute - and it sounds like she probably knew when you half-hearted agreed that you didn't really want to.

I think honesty is the best policy

”Hi X. I’m afraid I felt a bit put on the spot when you asked me to babysit. I’ve given it some thought and it isn’t something I want to commit to, so I’m not going to be available to babysit for you. It’s also not something I want to do going forward, having finally come to a point where my kids are more independent. Sure you’ll understand, see you soon, Love Y”

Why not join them and DH at the event instead?

Good note - why not take a deep breath, OP, and send this to your friend. You'll be amazed at how much lighter your shoulders will be. Don't keep just agonising over your decision- that does no good now nor for future requests.. 🌹

I'm in similar position in that my dc are older than my friends dc so if we go out for a few hours don't need babysitter. I have babysat for friend, but have only done it for an occasion I think is important/ like family wedding. I wouldn't give up my evening for them to go on a date night- unless I knew their marriage was in trouble etc.

You'd be surprised. I once babysat my friends toddlers and baby whilst looking after my own toddler. The kids are all lovely but v energetic. When she got in she criticised me for making a mess, feeding them the wrong food (though it wasn't in the end) and something else. I was surprised when two weeks later, to be fair she was stuck, she asked me to babysit! I said no, but I was surprised she asked after the comments.

I really hope you do text to say you aren't able to babysit after all. You honestly don't need to feel bad about it.

It seems as though you have decided to go ahead with it though, so the best advice I can give is to lock all wardrobes and cupboards to avoid surprise turds.

Text and pull out. The earlier you do so the better.

learn to say ‘no’ upfront. Even if you don’t like doing it, temporary awkwardness is far superior to simmering resentment. There’s no reason to feel guilty about it either.

'No, I won't be able to. I hope you manage to sort something out.'

Ooops, just noticed you said you'd already agreed because you felt you had no option - I'd be inclined to a say 'I've had a think about babysitting for you on X date, and I am really sorry, but it turns out I won't manage after all. I hope you sort something out and still enjoy your plans'.

Finally you have some free time now you're saddled with their kid so THEY get free time!! No way, just tell them you're not going to be able or free to baby sit for more than an hour at a time. Tell them 9 hrs is too long. Sounds like this couple are rude n cheeky, just say sorry but all day is too long and I just can't manage. Or oh god I'm sorry but I've sprained ankle and simply can't do all day try xyz theyte always free to babysit and I'm sure xyz will be grateful for the money xx

Just message her.

"Hello! I've checked my calendar for XX date that you wanted me to babysit, and unfortunately I've already got something else pencilled in that weekend. Hope you manage to find someone x"

(Then tell your OH that he needs to plan a surprise something that weekend for you!!)

The decent thing to do is to let them have as much notice as possible to make different childcare arrangements - not wait to see if they confirm closer to the day.

It's quite understandable that you don't want to commit so long with a challenging child. However, it's up to you if you do it or not.

It's not too late to say sorry, I have realised I can't do this. Using an excuse of wanting to spend some special mum and child time with your own children or whatever. Or you bite the bullet and accept you are not willing to say no now. It can be a learning experience for the next time you are asked to do a favour you are not sure about.

Well done!

I used to be a people pleaser,never said no to anything....but would never dream of asking a favour myself so never had any help with my kids.

Decided when I turned 50 that all that had to change and it was ok to say sorry but no I am not doing that.

My last child left home,time for me and DH to put ourselves first ,have the odd evening out etc.
New youngish neighbour moves up the road with three young children.
The hints soon started which I ignored.
Then she came right out and asked if I would babysit now and again so her and her partner could have a regular night out.

I said no sorry I don't want to babysit other peoples kids.
.....but I will have them in bed so you can just sit and watch TV.
No I would rather watch TV in my own house and go to bed when I please etc

She doesn't speak to me as much these days lol

Sometimes OP you just have to be blunt.

Oh well done-good for you!

Good for you, that's great!

Now you are free do whatever you like that weekend, turd free! 🤣