Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

She's hasn't suggested teaching isn't hard. She acknowledged his job is much harder than hers

I've re-read my comment and realised how it reads. I didn't mean that teachers all claim their job is harder than it is, which is how my comment could be construed.

I meant teaching isn't as life-encompassing for anyone as he's claiming it is for him, unless people want it to be and enjoy it being their life, of course.

OP has not said her job is easier, she has said she finds it easier. Most high paying roles these days involve a fair amount of stress. I'm sure teaching is hard, but it doesn't automatically make other professions a cake walk.

Sounds like he can’t really hack it as a teacher but would rather do that than housework and supporting you in your job.

Teachers DO have it as hard as he says they do. However, that is not an excuse to be a shitty person.

Teaching is hard. I'm a primary teacher. I work 50 hours a week in school and probably on average another 5 a week at home. I have two DC and live with a partner. I do the school runs, he cooks in the week and I do all laundry. On a Saturday we each do half of a big weekly clean. Dishwasher etc is emptied or loaded by whoever has a spare minute.

In short, what I'm saying is the husband not his job is the problem here. My dp prob does slightly more than me in term time but when I'm off I try to make that up to him by cooking more, mowing the lawn etc

What a prick. I work in the NHS 6 days a week - currently doing a lot of overtime because repairs need to be done on the house.
I am disabled and suffer chronic pain but still manage to work more than full time and on my one day off I am up at 6am as I have stuff to do.
I brought up my DS alone with this disability, I am 61 now.
I never feel sorry for myself, I bought my own house, have a great relationship with DS and have a good social life.
Its all in the mental attitude.
I'd put up with this crap for no more than 5 seconds.
In mumsnet speak he needs to give his head a wobble. He doesn't get to opt out of family life. What a whinger.

That's not my experience. Teaching in special schools comes with its own set of challenges, but the workload is much lower, by virtue of the smaller group sizes and less pressure on outcomes.

No. If the job is such a problem that you’re being foul to your family then the onus is on you to deal with that, whether by changing your job (as you did) or your working conditions or seeking other kinds of help. It’s never ok to treat the people you live with badly, using your job as an excuse.

You are both unreasonable. He is because he thinks thatbeing a teacher means he gets to opt out of family life. You are because you are judging teachers' workload based on one example - your husband. In a later post you claimed not to be doing that, but it's right there in your thread title.

What do you work as?

I’ve not voted as I’m a teacher and find it incredibly difficult.
There is a lot of work out of the working hours and I am mentally drained by being ‘on’ all day.
I have handed my notice in and will be leaving at the end of the academic year.

So I completely get that your DH is mentally at breaking point.
However, he is actually just being a dick!

I’m a single parent and although it’s difficult, I do not just switch off at the weekend because there are things to do.

If I had a partner I would not take it out on him, simply because he chose a different career path and especially if he was bringing in a decent salary which allowed me to live a less stressful lifestyle due to not worrying about money.

I am also doing something about it which your DH doesn’t seem to be.
He needs to look into moving schools, teaching at college, tutoring, having a completely different career change etc.

I would not put up with his attitude anymore.
Put your foot down.

Tell him he’s an adult and needs to share the responsibility in the home or get a new job or leave because you are not going to be made to feel guilty anymore.

What do you do on your day off OP?

I may be being sensitive but I see this a different way. It just sounds like you don't want to hear how tired he is, don't want to accept he may be exhausted and can't see why he wants a bit of a lie in. He isn't wrong that you have more time off than him. He also isn;t wrong that he works more than you do.

I'd also , like others, like to know what happens at half terms/holidays in terms of the balance. If he remains unproductive then, yes, its a DH problem. If not, then he is drained by his job. You WFH, 4 days a week and admit you aren't struggling.You don't sound like you have empathy.

He's a lazy bastard if he's not doing anything at the weekend. He has no excuse to be horrible to his own children.

It sounds like you can afford to divorce him.

you are not going to be made to feel guilty anymore.

Have to be honest, the OP doesn't sound like she feels guilty.

Could he look at changing school?

My husband is a teacher. Many years at a very high achieving school, super long hours, crazy stress. It was super hard for him.

When we had a baby he moved schools, now works 4 days a week and is much less stressed (although I think even working 5 now he’d be fine) He has time in the evening/weekend as the school just has a totally different culture.

She’s already says she doesn’t have a day off as she works school hours only. In her time off she is looking after children and doing housework because it is after school.

You’re having a tough time of it OP and I do think your husband is making out he has it harder than he does.

What sort of job do you have? Could you go into the office?

@Minierme
Can I ask what you do please?

I’m leaving at the end of this year and planing to do supply until I figure out what career path I want to go down but I’m a bit lost.

To be honest he sounds like he either really can’t stand teaching in which case he needs to look for an alternative job that is more set hours and no extra work when he leaves after his day/shift is over he doesn’t have to think of work till the following day.

Or he is complaining so much to get out of doing anything in the household. Could he mark homework at his desk at lunch times or in free periods. Even 1 or 2 pieces of homework marked here and there during the day and stay at his desk after school has finished and leave when it is all completed.

I think he needs to decide how he wants to proceed either give up teaching altogether and get a job where he can switch off at 5pm or approach how he works now with a different attitude and looking at where time is wasted. Even if that means letting go of the anger he feels in class and when dealing with a disruptive pupil/pupils. Taking the attitude that he is being paid for his time whether a pupil is kicking off or not and really just removing the emotion from these situations.
Maybe look at setting less homework. 7 questions instead of 10 just to save his time.

If he wants to earn more then look at tutoring a few hours per week.

I can understand you wanting more time than money and he wants more money than time but in order to do this sometimes you have to work a few more hours in order to free up more time. And he needs to free up more time in order to boost his income.

My children's father is a teacher and most of time time I earned more (London lawyer) - we both always worked full time and still do. However he was also a very involved father, eg did all the washing when we had 3 children under 4 for example and I never did any. He also worked as a music teacher at weekends and organist and we juggled the weekends around extra work we both did and the children.
I would not have tolerated sexism even for a day in the 1980s. I don't know why women do.

My Bil and his wife both work in schools, and honestly I've had about as much as I can stomach with their moaning.

They seem to think that they have the most stressful job in the world and noone else's can possibly compare. They seem to utterly oblivious that we also have highly pressured jobs that we can work evenings and weekends and we don't get a gazillion holidays off to decompress.

They seem utterly unaware that life outside of the public sector without gold plated pensions exists and they're incredibly hard done to. They also hate the fact that ofsted exists because of the added pressure of hitting targets, wait - that's pretty much every day of our lives.

I'm not saying teachers don't have a hard job. They do. But they know what they're doing when they take up the role, and it's not any harder than a lot of other jobs either.

Your DH is just a wanker OP. Plain and simple. His job has nothing to do with him refusing to adult.

I will just point out that nowhere in the OP does it say he doesn't do housework. It says he moans about it!

OP does he stay in bed all day? What are the fun things he does at the weekend? Do they involve you and the kids? Why does housework matter so much? I myself do find working 5 days a week and then ramming every bit of life admin into the weekend a bit soul destroying.

Losing patience with our own kids isn't horrible as some have said. It's a sign of stress. We've all done it. I wonder if the gender roles were revered in this OP that people would say the same things.

I repeat. He sounds possibly depressed. Take it seriously.

Yeah but presumably they are both also looking after any children and doing housework rather than expecting non-teachers to do it all for them, once you look past the moaning. It’s not teachers, it’s a husband being mean to his children and not pulling his weight.

I would not have tolerated sexism even for a day in the 1980s. I don't know why women do.

Can you point out the DH's sexism Xenia?

If he doesn’t contribute to the housework, doesn’t contribute as much financially and doesn’t contribute as an emotional support, what exactly does this man add to your life and household?