Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

Another vote for knob here. Of course it isn't because he's a teacher. He'd probably be making the same excuses if he worked as a cashier in Sainsburys. Exactly what does this prince of a man bring to your relationship that is positive?

Both me and dh were teachers and we shared house stuff, but also allowed it to drift a bit when things were too stressful.
DH now head of school so has less marking etc on a day to day basis(could literally be hours each night) but now often works much longer hrs with safeguarding situations etc.

I no longer teach (carer) When DH was a class teacher day-to-day we had very little time together . I could see that stress levels were high and I would/ do cut him some slack BUT he could still help, even if it was just doing the dishes/hoovrerng a room etc .

Regardless of pay/income he is working an extra day than you so I can see that he might think you have that time to do stuff. DH has had alie each day this weekend while I've been up and I don't redentcthat as I know during the school holidays he picks up slack.

I have always said that if I hadn't been a teacher and understand what that brings, we possibly could be divorced as many of our friends are.
Yes it is very stressful and knackering but does that mean he can't help at all? No.

I am at the tail end of my career, nearly 57 and going through the menopause.
I am exhausted coming home from work.
However, I can still function in family life. I rarely take work home with me. If it doesn't get done in work, then o don't bring it home. I don't stay late unless I have to.
We don't mark books since the Pandemic but do mark assessments and exams.
It isn't easy but I think he is milking it. I may be an exception rather than the rule but he needs to be fair to you and the family.

Why do you say this?

Do you think it’s made up, the op may well be annoyed at what’s going on

he has gotten into a mindset that his job is harder and more stressful than any other job therefore he deserves downtime when others don’t.

life doesn’t work like that. He has a family and a home and he has to participate.

if he is truly that miserable about his job why doesn’t he leave? It sounds like he has made being miserable part of hos identify

What happens during the summer holiday? I appreciate some of that will be spent prepping for the new year but presumably he has a few clear weeks.

My numbers might he wrong but I think schools are open 190 p.a. + insets. Your 4 days a week takes you to 180+ factoring in annual leave and bank holidays.

If you are expected to do everything on your weekly day off, does he do everything on his weeks off?

Just adding another voice to a 'I'm married to a teacher and this isn't a teacher thing it's a dickhead thing' chorus. DH does a bit more of the childcare and we split the housework evenly. He manages to be nice to the children and share lie-ins.

My husband is a teacher. It is a very stressful job. He doesn’t behave like your husband. This is a husband problem, not a teaching problem.

Well she's saying they don't have it as hard as he's claiming, which is true of all teachers.

Do you live in an expensive area? A household income of 3 x a full time teacher’s salary is not so small.

She's not having a go at teachers though, is she.

My mum was a teacher. Our lives were dominated by her 'homework' but the house was still spotless and she was/ is a great mum. And my dad did his fair share.

He is being unreasonable!

I am a teacher - full time, secondary, head of a core subject. So a big workload and a lot of pressure. It is a hard and demanding job, like many are. I enjoy it but it is bloody hard at tines.

That said, I don't opt out of home/family life because of it! Me and DH split household jobs, I contribute equally to taking our son to his activities/parties etc. I cook meals and shop. I support our son with his homework (he is in primary school). Yesterday, we had a day out as a family.

I do the above because I want to and it's fair to my husband and son!

There are possibly three issues;

1. The school your dh is in. Some are far worse than others for workload. In which case, it may be worth him changing schools.

1. Does he have additional responsibility? Like Head of department or head of year? If so, perhaps he needs to consider dropping this.

1. Is he working efficiently? At school, I use my free periods and lunch to work hard. Doesn't mean I don't bring anything home but it does reduce it. I see some colleagues spending their frees just chatting - their choice but they probably take home more than I do. Marking - this is school dependent but day to day, I do most of it live in class. It means I am never still in lessons as I am constantly circulating, checking, giving feedback but it's better for me and the pupils. So, I only mark assessment pieces out of lessons.

Basically, yes teaching is a bloody tough job, but he cannot opt out of family life - that's not how it should work.

This weekend he had both Saturday and Sunday morning as lies in and when I asked when mine was his answer was "when I give up teaching."

Didn't need to read past this. He's a dick.

I’d be telling him if he hates teaching so much and finds it so difficult he needs to find another job out of the sector and start earning more.

it’s one thing not contributing financially if it’s your dream job, but he obviously hates it, it’s affecting his behaviour at home and his relationship with his kids so he needs to pack it in and find another job. One that makes him less miserable

@SunnyEgg because of the 2nd and final sentence of the OP. I think someone has already come along saying all teachers think their job is more stressful than everybody elses. There will be more.

@GoodChat I'm not entering into any discussion with you bearing in mind your previous comment

Unfortunately his school won't entertain part time hours as that would be the solution

This sounds very odd. Has he actually formally put in a flexible working request and had it rejected with business reasons?

I wonder if he may be depressed? I am not making excuses here ,but he may not enjoy his job.then see you earning more and doing a day less( Im not suggesting you dont work hard too!) Also wonder why you live so frugally.If you are earning well ,surely you need some relief in the form of treats .Holidays ,days out and nice food ? You dont sound like you are having much fun! OK if on a tight budget,but if not make the most of having DC ,spoiling them and relaxing a bit!

Of course they will, I mean someone has already said teachers don’t have it as hard as they claim

I think he needs to change careers.

I have every sympathy for teachers and the ridiculous hours they have to put in with marking, lesson prep and after hours activities. I've several ex-teacher friends and they all worked well into the evening most weeknights and often spent a lot of time on school work at weekends, too. They're ex-teachers for a reason.

However, they managed not to act like twats and still participated in family life.

Unfortunately his school won't entertain part time hours as that would be the solution (for his happiness at least)

a) Are you really, really sure they wouldn't? It's amazing how many men just know an application to reduce hours would be rejected and so don't put one in, even when their workplace has women working part-time...
b) isn't the obvious answer then that he looks for a new school where he could work part-time? In general, even if he didn't change hours I think if he's really stressed and worn down where he is he should consider other schools - I cannot emphasize enough how it changed all our lives when my DH moved to a school with a more supportive (less completely mental) SLT. Though tbf things would have changed anyway if he'd stayed as the head was sacked because they'd been stealing from the school not that long after...

He needs to do more.