Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

as a teacher, the way you describe your job literally sounds like the dream

Yes, and some on MN would insist that everyone in the private sector is working way more hours than a teacher for hardly any money.

And this is why we have a recruitment and retention crisis. Young people look at teaching, and they look at other jobs in the private sector that require a similar level of qualifications, and they decide teaching isn't for them. One in three teachers leave the profession within the first 5 years. They aren't leaving because they've won the lottery, or saved so much on their massive teaching salary that they can retire early, they're leaving for other jobs. And they don't come back, so that tells you something about teaching compared to other jobs. We could argue about how difficult it is compared to other jobs all day long, but the fact of the matter is that, that if it really were comparable to other jobs, particularly given the longer holidays in teaching, we wouldn't have so much difficulty persuading people to become teachers, and to stay in teaching.

I’m a teacher and a single parent. I have to do all of the housework and parenting alone. My ex-husband pissed off to another country so I don’t even have my EOW “off” anymore! I work 60+ hours a week for such shit pay that I rely on Universal Credit to top me up.

The issue isn’t that teaching isn’t as hard as you think it is - it’s that you’re married to a knob.

It’s a draining horrible stressful thankless job.
But doesn’t excuse him being a bellend.
I would encourage him to get out and find another job, even if it means a pay cut for a while.
I left teaching and became a less stressed more pleasant person to live with, so it might work for him.

If you take him being a teacher out of the equation he sounds like every other cock lodger.

I'm a teacher and a single mum. He is using it as an excuse. Yes it bloody hard work and emotionally draining at times, but that is no excuse for laziness and being a mean parent!! I manage everything, neve get a lie in, get school work done. I get up extra early to make and use my breaks/lunch time to plan. He needs to organise his time better.

What about school holidays? Does he pick up the slack then?

The issue isn't really his job., The issue is his attitude to what makes a partnership ! her appears to think it means dumping everything on you whilst justifying that with his job. They are HIS kids too and if you weren't there he wouldn't be able to just ignore realities! He is being selfish, patronising and daft!

I am a teacher

I’ve voted YABU because unless you have actual experience of teaching, you have no idea how draining it is. In the same way you wouldn’t know how stressful/exhausting someone else’s job is unless you’ve done it. As a teacher I can confirm that some (most) days I get home and the thought of having to do everything that needs to be done at home is just too much on top of the marking/planning and work that I still have to do.

HOWEVER you are a partnership and should be supporting each other, sharing the household responsibilities and he should definitely not be being short with your kids because he’s tired. I wonder if he’s assuming that as you work 4 days that you would do all of the household work and he’d get off without having to lift a finger? He sounds like he needs a reminder that he is in fact an adult and needs to pull his weight in your marriage, house and family!

I voted YABUR as think there is a lot more going on here and needs looking at. No teachers I know lose patience with their own kids. You need to sit down, have an honest conversation. If that isn't possible / not getting the answers you need, then I would start with his friends / other teachers and find out what is going on. Don't just label him as being a crap husband / parent as suggested before first finding out if he needs help / should change his job. What you haven't mentioned is your ages - I suspect that has a lot to do with what is going on presently.

Funny how then female teachers pick up at home and sort kids as well as teaching....

I am a teacher with a one year old and a partner who works shifts. It’s hard but I definitely manage more than your husband. I usually work either late at night (after daughter has gone to bed) or go to work for 7am to enable me to get everything done. All our housework is done during the week, either by my partner or me when he’s at work (I get up at 5.30 when he’s working to clean before I go in). We share lay ins on the weekend and I get up with my daughter in the night when she wakes because my partner has a long commute and needs to be alert. I would say if you work 4 days I would definitely think you could do the housework but in terms of helping in the evening and lay ins they should be split xx

And all the other male teachers with children

Yes teaching is hard, mentally draining, but all of the teachers I know also manage to do life. They do things with partners and friends; they cook and clean and parent; they share the load and don't make the other feel they're lesser because of not being a teacher! It's probable that your man-child (sorry!) would be exactly the same no matter what his career. YADNBU

@MadeInYorkshire69 interested to hear what you do now you've left teaching?

Hayliebells
One in three teachers leave the profession within the first 5 years. They aren't leaving because they've won the lottery, or saved so much on their massive teaching salary that they can retire early, they're leaving for other jobs. And they don't come back

In fact, some do come back - around 15,000 teachers return every year. Teachers 'leaving' the profession include those taking career breaks (e.g. to look after young children), teachers working abroad for a few years, and teachers moving to the independent sector - who may then return to the state sector.

Get a cleaner!

Where has she said she’s deducing that? Her point is that it’s not as hard as her DH says it is . In other words, she’s complaining about her DH, not teachers in general. Critical thinking indeed….

OP another one saying it’s an attitude problem from your husband.
Some posters have missed that you don’t work 4 days you divide your 35 hours (I’ll bet that’s missing a lunch hour taking it to 40) by 5 to facilitate all drop offs, pick ups & after school care.
What is most telling is when you state ‘He loses his patience with our children because he has spent all day disciplining other people's kids’.
With no mention of actual teaching, he’s never going to be that special teacher you fondly remember as having been encouraging & influential is he!
Agree with other posters that you could consider paying for some help.
Also agree he should change careers, but I’ve an idea whatever he does will always be much harder than your ‘easy’ job.

Yep he probs need to change schools, be treated for depression, needs to contribute to family life somehow.

But as always re teachers and stressful jobs, sorry, but they do not have the monopoly on those and there's a kind of refrain in my mind whenever it is mentioned:

🎵🎵13 weeks A/L/ a year... 🎵
🎵🎵

Many would give their eye teeth for that. (Just wondering what eye teeth are as I wrote that, will look up the expression).

This will open the floodgates, sorry... but just trying to pre-empt some I am hard put to think of any worker who does not spend a considerable amount of time doing 'work jobs' in their time off.

And many, many people wishing to go away for holidays at home or abroad need to go at the most expensive time of the year not least because they have school age children.

Nah I’m with the teachers on that one. If you want 13 weeks AL a year then there is a profession out there you can join - and you don’t even need to give up your eye teeth!

my husband has been a teacher since leaving university, we’ve always had to take holidays during the “most expensive time of the year” if we want to go together even before having school aged children, it’s just life

Yes it’s unpleasant that you’ve focussed on his profession and not even mentioned what your job is. It doesn’t sound as though the work you both do is relevant, more that your relationship is needing inspection.

I was a teacher. And I am not afraid to work hard. But I can easily without any exaggeration tell you that teaching in this day and age is the most draining, emotionally exhausting, stressful job. Especially if you do it for love or passion, or just want to do your best. When I got home at night I was finished, it was almost impossible to be who I needed to be at home. So I stopped. Give him some slack, at least believe what he says. It’s not a competition

@Tinybrother

'If you want 13 weeks AL a year then there is a profession out there you can join - and you don’t even need to give up your eye teeth!'

Ooooh, which profession is that? Do tell. I don't want to retrain as a teacher btw, in case I missed your point.

Does he do more half terms and school holidays? If not I’d say he’d be the same whatever job he did !