Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

Nope. My comment was about housework and working 80 %. I also did that much housework when my children were small. Not sure I get your point!

We don't know how old OPs DC are either.

I mean teaching is a hard job, it is tiring, the hours are long and I reckon in some ways arguably more draining than working 4 days a week from home, but that depends entirely on what you do. I love teaching anyway, I wouldn’t do anything else and I am so lucky to be a teacher. I have a good work life balance most of the time because this year I have an easy class and I also work in a school I love.
If I worked in a challenging school with a very difficult class it would be essentially a totally different job so you can’t really make generalisations.

Unfortunately none of this is relevant because your husband just sounds like a twat.

havent you posted before op

i remember something very similar-it might be stressful but hes also using it a an excuse not to do anything

Teachers are about 50% female, even more in primary, and many have kids. Do you think all the teacher mums are behaving like this? More to the point, does he?

May not necessarily be on here (although there are people who do) but you only have to look at various social media to see the amount of people that believe teachers are lazy and honestly only see education as childcare not actual education. Teachers are fully aware that everyone has stressful jobs but it seems teachers are the only profession that get attacked for saying their job is stressful.

I’m a teacher. I’d NEVER take my husband’s lie in for myself because my job is harder! That is soo unfair. My job IS harder than his but it’s not harder than every job and I can still function enough to do housework etc. Don’t get me wrong it’s bloody tiring but that’s life. If I wasn’t coping as much as your husband I’d get another job.
This is nothing to do with teaching and everything to do with your husband being a selfish arse!
YADNBU

@Mitfordian There is no narrative about it being THE hardest job. That is what people assume they are hearing/reading. People who know little about the job (but think they know it all) like to accuse teachers of short hours, long holidays so some (foolish, in my opinion) teachers rush to explain some of the workload and WHAM! The entire profession is then accused of whingeing about having the hardest job ever.

And I have never put myself on a pedestal. I go in and do my job as I always have with minimal fuss.

@Gettingbysomehow what the fuck are you talking about

Teachers are closer to 75% female, and the proportion of women is increasing.

This thread and its lack of detail, and now the OP's disappearance, is really irritating. We have been given very little information yet most are deciding this man is an areshole based on what little we do know.

He made an admittedly arsey comment about lie-ins, but what context was there? What had the OP said to him? What time was it? (when my kids were little a lie-in meant not getting up at 6 with them but being up by 8ish, which is very different from being in bed all morning). How old are the kids? OP potentially said "when's my lie in?" in a PA way and he retaliated in kind - we don't know. Who had today's lie-in? We don't know. Why didn't the OP say yesterday, I'll lie in tomorrow, ok? We know kids are at school so OP gets one day to herself. He may well be jealous of that and they should address that together, but I don't sense much acknowledgement from the OP that she has it quite good really.

OP says herself that he has no time to do much housework in the evenings as she says he 'can't' do it due to planning and marking. He complains about doing it at weekends, which strongly suggests he is actually doing some. He loses patience with the kids - most people do that from time, especially when tired and stressed. OP doesn't say how often or what exactly he says/does. She hasn't said he's an utterly shit dad.

I'm a teacher and divorced now and my kids are teens. When they were younger and I was with ex, if he had worked 32 hours a week in a job he said himself was not stressful and then expected me to do half the chores at the weekends, I might well have found it unfair. I wouldn't have expected to do none, but we haven't been told this man expects that either, though people are assuming.

If he hates his job he should look for another and not just take it out on his family, but we don't know that's the case. If he's not happy with the split of chores and downtime then that needs looking at. He may be BU over it, but we don't know. I think if one person works part-time when kids are involved, the whole family should benefit from the extra time created, and not just that one person. As a teacher, if he went p/t, which might be the answer, his pension would suffer and he would end up working unpaid on his day 'off' - though he might prefer that to working all weekend, first at housework then getting school stuff ready.

50%???
Where is your source for that statistic? Sounds very wrong low to me.

Actually they don’t know. You don’t even get the full feel for how toxic it is during training. Hence the poor attrition rate before 5 years.

They are leaving - that’s the problem.

When I taught f/t, I didn't get to opt out of family life and household chores.

He is being a knob.

Sounds like he needs to change school or career.

Small children generate housework that if it isn’t done, is neglect. If you aren’t doing it, someone else is. If someone else is doing it unpaid, and is getting no rest but you are getting some rest (to be clear I don’t know if this is the OP’s situation but the husband clearly does get rest if he gets all the lie ins), then it is not fair. If you don’t have small children then the amount of housework you do as a full time teacher is neither here nor there. My full time teacher husband manages to muck in with housework and children without being horrible to all of us.

The issue is not the teaching- it’s his entitled laziness. My DH and I are both teachers and have brought up three kids while full time teaching. There were flash points in term time when it was hard going but we shared the load. He’s being a total arse. I just got very efficient with planning and marking and sometimes winged it.

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy
I can't see a post anywhere on this thread claiming that a teachers job is harder than everyone else's

You are not very observant - I replied to one this morning;

secondary school teaching (particularly A Level) is SO much harder than a "regular" job

"We have talked about him giving up but I pointed out that in that case he would have to take on all the house and life admin so I could work full time to top up the loss in salary. I get comments like "you make out you are so busy and life is so hard for you but your job is easy and you don't understand how hard my job is."

I hope you don't intend to be the only wage earner - if he wants to leave the teaching profession then that's fair enough. But he needs to find something else to do instead. He certainly won't get the holidays that schools have now and he may find it a bit of a shock to drop from around 13 weeks holiday to 4 or 5 and still make himself available for family life. Don't let him opt out of the proper responsibilities of being a partner and father. You already earn a good salary and don't want to have to support someone who would take advantage of you.
He sounds like my ex-husband and at the time I was earning nowhere near what you do now but he had no problem spending money and leaving me to sort the kids and home life out.

*Teacher know the profession, the dedication required and the remuneration package + pension they will receive. I'm sick and tired of teachers moaning about a profession they willingly pursued with prior knowledge of all these factors.(

No, they don't really know what the workload will be like until they do it. How could they? That's why many quit after a year or two.

Quit moaning and leave if you don't enjoy your work.

I can't believe people are still trotting out that line. Don't you read the news? Teachers are leaving. In their thousands. And do you think people are queuing up to replace them? When are people going to realise that pretending teachers' complaints aren't legitimate and telling them to shut up whinging won't make the problem go away, and that by dismissing teachers' complaints you are dismissing the effects all this has on children's education?

Haha spot on.

You are not very observant - I replied to one this morning;

secondary school teaching (particularly A Level) is SO much harder than a "regular" job

Arguably that depends what the poster meant by a regular job. I've certainly never heard a teacher say teaching was the only hard job, or harder than all other jobs.

My DD is currently working as LSA and absolutely exhausted all the time so I can understand teaching is probably incredibly draining. But he's being a selfish ahole. Should he see a GP about depression, maybe? Maybe reconsidering his career choice is also an option.

So I am 99.5% on your side. He’s not working smart enough, he obviously doesn’t enjoy it and he needs to do more about the house/stop moaning/change jobs. The 0.5% isn’t necessarily taking his side but I’m a teacher (I love it and still do at least 50/50 with kids/home) but sometimes don’t think my partner (private sector sales job) gets how draining it is sometimes just dealing with demanding teenagers all day as oppose to adults. I don’t say this to him because we all chose our careers and have to take the pros and cons, but if I have any non contact time I see it as a massive break, even though I’m still doing admin, data input, planning, marking, meetings etc. So sometimes, just through this logic, I think “oh so jobs that are primarily doing these things must be easier day to day? I’m not necessarily right though… just my thoughts…

@Clavinova I am perfectly observant thank you. The posts you responded to were people making valid points based on their own lived experiences which you seemed determined to dismiss.

Oh OP, teachers are LITERAL SAINTS did you not hear?

Why would you equate someone talking about problems and workload issues in their profession with sainthood? Unfortunately this is another old favourite line that teacher-bashers like to trot out. Pretending that 'The workload is shit in my job' means 'I am morally superior to everybody else'. It makes no sense whatsoever.

I'm a teacher, and when I was full time I genuinely didn't have any free time in the week, when I wasn't at work teaching, I was marking and planning at home in the evening. I was often doing that on the weekend too, so I could well imagine that he's not got time for anything other than work during the week. He could help on the weekend though, he's being lazy if he's not doing anything other than relaxing. It doesn't sound like this set up is working for your family though, it's isn't fair for you to pick up all the slack because he's working so much that he can't. I know if I was to work full time it most definitely would not work for my family either, both myself and my husband would not have enough time to do all the household tasks that need doing, and have downtime/family time. My husband earns more than me, so I went part-time, as you say you're not bothered by money and you earn a lot more, could your husband go part-time? It's quite easy as a teacher, his school should be amenable to it. Then he could do more household jobs on his days off so you'd have less to do.