Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

Ahh, I've just seen that his school won't entertain part-time. Are you 💯 sure that he's asked, and this is the response he's had? Does he have a responsibility (like Head of Year for example), where part-time is difficult? I'd be surprised if many schools would outright refuse a part-time request atm. 10 years ago maybe, but now there's a recruitment and retention crisis, they have to be a lot more flexible to keep teachers. I wouldn't be surprised if he's not being truthful about that, as he knows he'd have more housework to do if he went part-time! Even his school do seem to be stuck in the last century and don't consider part-time requests, he'd be able to find a part-time job at a different school if he really wanted one.

I think possibly you didn't see the original post I was replying to where a poster said her DH did lots. But then added he was on an 80 % post.

It's quite a thing to extrapolate neglect out of any of what I said. I've had small children. They survived my apparent neglect.

Nowhere, nowhere at all, in the OP does it say the DH doesn't do any housework, nor that he is neglectful. Not once. Lying in doesn't mean this. The OP does imply she thinks he should do more during the week when he is working at his job in the evenings

Nowhere does it say how old the DCs are.

The OP had not returned so who knows??

This OP's DH wins the MN award for the most bashed DH of the week based on the most limited evidence, added to the most guesswork.

What it does, however, say in the OP, is that she works fewer paid hours than him with an additional day off a week.

I’m sure your children weren’t neglected - my point was that if you weren’t doing it, someone else was - you extrapolated that to me saying they were neglected. The OP’s husband doesn’t have to worry about that because he has a wife doing all the after school stuff. My husband doesn’t have me doing all the after school stuff (because I’m at work) - he has to do some of it. He is a teacher. It’s very stressful, but he manages to muck in.

She does not say he does nothing! Or that she does everything !

Both DH and I were full time . It was full on. Housework was lowest priority. I think it depends on what people mean by housework.

I am massively sympathetic to the stresses of teaching - I live with a teacher and love him very much and hate how stressful it can be and the toll it takes on him, lots of things about teaching need to change and the government are fuckers. However before that’s resolved it can be noted that the OP’s husband is heavily facilitated in a way that many teachers with small children are not. If he can’t cope with it without being unpleasant to his family he needs to either look for something else to do, look for a different job, work less and earn less, whatever.

Neither did I say she does everything and that he does nothing! But he evidently does not have to do anything termtime during the week - why is he moaning about this when many teacher parents do not have that luxury? He is impatient and rude to his wife, why should she have to put up with it because his job is stressful? I wouldn’t. My husband is stressed but kind and polite to us all.

Well, we will never know unless she comes back.

Indeed.

I mean I wish you would come back OP as I am a bit confused that on another thread you said you would never get married again after a previous unsuccessful short marriage! Unless 'husband' is being used for ease I guess

Most posters change the odd detail to make it more anonymous. And those who don’t, really should.

DH and I are both teachers.

I love my job. I don't want to be on a pedestal, or claim that it's the only hard job - of course it isn't. The pay is frustrating - like many public sector jobs (nursing, civil service, social work) there has been a pay freeze/minimal increases for some time now, so effectively pay has got worse over time, especially compared to other jobs I might have chosen to do. It's all very well to say, "just leave" but it's a job you tend to put your heart and soul into as you feel responsible for children you see grow up, so I can see why many have put up with the worsening conditions.

As far as balance goes, teaching is VERY full on at certain times of year, and other times have great down-time (school holidays!). When it is mocks/reporting time we do admittedly get bugger all done and the house and garden are a state.... we prioritise spending time with the children. Then we sort it all out when things calm down.

I can imagine if one of us was a teacher and the other wasn't, the inability to get stuff done at some times due to marking load would probably be quite annoying.... so you could probably cut your DH some slack if it is only SOMETIMES. But he should be taking the burden off you ay other times. Otherwise he's taking thepiss.

Yes, I know this, and I know AS is quite bad form but someone had suggested she posted about tis before so I checked . She hasn't.

Depending on the age of the pupils..... teaching primary kids is easier but I sympathise if it's teens. Looking back I was a horrible teen and made many leave or crying (one evwn had a breakdown) so if he's dealing with 5 or 6 kids like that then that is exhausting.......
Not excusing his attitude btw

Why would you stay with him. He's a wet flaccid waste of space

Depending on the age of the pupils....teaching primary kids is easier

I don’t think that’s necessarily the case!

I was a teacher of an essay subject and a single mum. Teaching IS hard, but it doesn't preclude hauling ass at home - I had to, with 3 primary aged kids, on my own. I was very tired and it was hard but honestly not impossible. He's using it as an excuse, sorry. Make him shape up or ditch him

@Princesssuperstar I'm assuming you say that based on your experience of teaching primary age children?

Why didn't you kick him out of bed on the Sunday? That's what I would have done. Lazy git.

My friend is a full-time SEN teacher at a secondary school. His wife was a SAHM and he still insisted on cooking every evening when he got home and did the bedtime routine, because he wanted to spend time with his DC. Shocking right? Your DH sounds awful.

How exactly would you go about kicking him out of bed? I can’t picture it - forcing an unwilling adult man out of bed?

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy
@ Clavinova I am perfectly observant thank you. The posts you responded to were people making valid points based on their own lived experiences which you seemed determined to dismiss.

I wasn't determined to dismiss them at all - I made perfectly valid and fair comments myself. Neither poster had lived the doppelgänger life they were comparing.

@Clavinova in the first response the poster talked about her role v. her husbands. You took exception to that because it is your view that you can't compare 2 different people doing 2 different jobs. Apples and oranges. But when the second poster DID express the view that teaching was harder than her other role ( so offering a perspective based on her own experiences, not 2 different people) that wasn't acceptable to you either because apparently she was younger in the other job (she never said which one came first btw.)
You can't have it both ways. I was a teacher for over 20 years and I know the job inside out. Do you?

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy
You took exception to that because it is your view that you can't compare 2 different people doing 2 different jobs

I didn't 'take exception' to anything - I made a perfectly fair and valid point - that the poster could not know what level of stress she would experience, working as a senior manager in financial services with 3 young children.

Her husband is the senior manager, he earns '3x what a teacher does' and they have 3 children - you can argue that full-time working mothers with 3 children are well-represented in high-paying roles in financial services if you wish.

the second poster DID express the view that teaching was harder than her other role (so offering a perspective based on her own experiences, not 2 different people) that wasn't acceptable to you either because apparently she was younger in the other job

I posted a perfectly reasonable and fair observation;
There are obvious limitations with the comparison if you were younger and child-free whilst working as an engineer

(she never said which one came first btw.)

Yes, she did;
I could go back and work as an engineer but that wouldn't be in the best interest of our kids

She also posted this (which apparently you didn't spot either);
secondary school teaching (particularly A Level) is SO much harder than a "regular" job.

I stand by my comment that you are not very observant.

You can stand by whatever belief you like I couldn't care less. You didn't answer my question and probably won't and tbh I don't care about that either. Good night.

Perhaps your husband needs to move schools. When you get so down and disillusioned with the profession that you’re willing to take your partner’s lay in, you need a new job. Working in a tough school with ofsted breathing down your neck is a whole different ball game to working in a moderately good school with reasonable management.

I have to play devil’s advocate though and say that as a teacher, the way you describe your job literally sounds like the dream. More money, wfh and the ability to do school runs? I cry inwardly at the thought that that’s some people’s reality. Maybe your husband is feeling trapped in a profession that pays crap (compared to you) but doesn’t know what else he would do.