Pissed off at DH making breakfast

It’s hard enough trying to lose weight and eat healthily without a partner tempting you with wine and crisps etc. Hes not being considerate. I think you are not BU

It was one meal, it really wouldn't have made a difference to your weight. Plus wasting food (and the resources needed to grow, transport and cook it) is awful. YABU.

Speaking as someone who has always been slim and can eat whatever without putting on weight, maybe spelling it out helps. I do most of the cooking and don't overthink food or emotions surrounding it, so have probably been guilty of doing similar. It's not sabotage, it's more not getting the obsession some people have with each meal so long as it all evens out

I think escalating things to the level of argument is uneccesay. He clearly doesn't get it or wants to undermine your efforts or something, but what you eat is down to you. I live with a thin feeder. He's always offering me food. And when I'm making extra effort with my diet he'll bring home my favourite tub of ice cream. The onus is on me to politely refuse.

He was probably trying to be nice out of habit and manners maybe (not excluding you) but I hear you. I'm trying to lose weight for my summer holiday and DH is constantly worrying about me not eating which is not true. He works away for quite a bit in the week and it is easy to lose weight in the week than the weekend. He is in to cooking though, MasterChef aspirations and he wants me to enjoy it with him and the DC which I do but I want maybe a 1/3 of what he dishes up for me. I am convinced that it is not just youth that kept me thin when I was in my 20s, it was equally not having to fuss about food in a family way where it becomes a massive deal. Everything we go to friends parties, barbecues etc. Is all about food in early 40s. The men are the most obsessed in our friendship circles.

I think its a bit ott to have a row over it and throw the food away

he just needs to get used to it

you can still have a treat every now and then

my dm never had friend breakfast or fatty foods died at 57

I think most people would love that, me included, I suppose it's hard for you if you are on a diet but it's also hard for your husband. It's not the same having a slap up meal for 1, drinking on your own or indeed cooking breakfast for yourself and eating it by yourself. I'm not sure what to suggest, you have my sympathy you can't enjoy food without putting weight on, it must be really tough. I do think your husband was just trying to do something nice rather than trying to sabotage you.

Well done OP! Amazing achievement but it may now be time to do a bit more research into food types, calories etc so you can have a sustainable healthy life going forward. Its not sustainable to always feel like your on a diet.

For example a 'fry' up doesn't need to be 1000 calories. Grilled bacon and sausages (you can eat one of each), scrambled or poached eggs, backed beans and baked hash browns, skip the fried bread. Then you can enjoy the meal with your husband instead of having separate food to the family. If your always eating something different its always going to feel like a diet.

I had an ex like the OP's husband.

If I said I wanted to eat a little healthier, takeaways would appear every night and he'd insist upon fried food at every meal.

When I cottoned on to that, I didn't mention it to him, but he was clearly on high alert. I cooked some pasta for tea and, because I like it more, I dressed my portion with a little olive oil and sea salt. The next time I did it, he ducked in behind me in the kitchen and emptied my portion out of the separate bowl into the five cheese sauce and added extra handfuls of cheddar.

I'd be chopping vegetables and he'd decide the 3.97l of milk in the fridge wasn't enough, rush out to buy milk for the morning, but come back with fish & chips and a tub of ice cream.

I like strawberries just as they are, as I do natural yoghurt, which I also use for savoury cooking. I'd not even be ready to eat them and the entire punnet would appear, bathed in the yoghurt with a tin of custard, all of the yoghurt and syrup poured in with 3 tablespoons of sugar 'You can't eat strawberries by themselves, they're disgusting'. What about the yoghurt for cooking dinner? 'Oh, I bought a pot of cream for that, it'll be much better'.

I like cooked brunches, things like a BLT, bacon avocado toast, poached eggs and asparagus, etc, and, although they were expensive, I'd bought enough to use ingredients in other meals through the week. I'd wake up or return from the shop to find a massive plate piled high with all the bacon, three fried eggs, four sausages, fried bread, mushrooms swimming in oil and get hours of grief if I didn't eat every last scrap.

The final straw was being distracted when I was making myself beans on toast (he'd pulled a face and made gagging noises about how disgusting it was to do that without bacon, eggs, black pudding, fried bread, chips and ketchup, so I'd said that was fine, he could have whatever he wanted and I'd make mine). I walked back into the kitchen and watched him carefully melting an entire block of butter into the beans. His explanation, after he'd jumped two foot into the air when he realised I was watching, blushing furiously and stammering throughout? 'I was, um, erm, making your beans glossy for you'. A fraction under 1500 kcals being hidden in my food was for aesthetic reasons. And he wailed and moaned about how ungrateful I was and I was clearly doing this to be able to pick up men in the street when I wouldn't eat it.

It was deliberate sabotage.

This!!! Ffs the posters on here going on about how the fry up is better than the banana on toast! OP specifically wanted that for her breakfast and told her OH. He then cooked a fry up…

Why would he do that? If someone told me they were going to eat something specific then I wouldn’t make them something else because i respect their choice.

@SecretEater23 it sounds like you're doing really well with your changes so well done!

If you did want to do a really easy change for breakfast you could switch the toast for Full Fat Greek yoghurt with your banana.

It's up to you completely if toast fills you up till lunch and you're losing weight then stick with what's working and you enjoy.

I would have eaten the fry up minus the bread but then I low carb. I wouldn’t t have eaten what you did, even if I’m trying to lose weight. Your breakfast would have kept me full until our evening meal.

don’t be hard on yourself OP. Weight and loss and carbs are a mine field. It took me years to work out what works for me. It was a waste for it to go in the bin though.

I get it, OP. Your colleague's heart attack gave you a scare and your overreaction to your dh came from fear. I became quite panicky about my diet when I was diagnosed with very high blood pressure.

Posters are right that a cooked breakfast isn't necessarily more unhealthy than your bananas on toast. It depends on the cooked breakfast and possibly on the toast!

Pretty much any diet works in theory (low cal, low carb, low fat). The problem is that they are all virtually impossible to stick to for any length of time. Just try to eat more veg, less highly processed food, drink water not soft drinks and keep getting exercise. Don't try for quick results.

@colachive

your body does NOT 'need' carbs 🙄

there is nothing essential in carbs.

Cue a big row about me being pissed off with his lack of support and constant offers of food/drink he knows I'm trying to cut down on

I recognise the behaviour as a comfort over-eater trying to get someone else to comfort eat so they don't feel as bad about their own weight, or having to eat their high-calorie foods alone.

It's like a person with alcohol problems trying to get another person to drink, buying nice wine, pushing the filled-up glass in front of the other person with a 'Go on - treat yourself!'.

It's not kind not it is nice. It's about them and their lack of willingness to address their own unhealthy habits.

He was a secret feeder clearly and wanted you fat, maybe so you wouldn't leave him as you wouldn't be as desirable to anyone else. The butter in the beans wtf 😱? I do hope you dumped him after the bean incident, he sounds deranged 😬!!

@NeverDropYourMooncup 😱At your entire post. That's pathological behaviour. I'm wondering at which stage he would have tried to make you constipated to make you more bloated.

No it’s definitely a HIM problem. Seriously the amount of shit that comes out of some people is mental.

You’re right, it is her project that she is managing absolutely fine in her own . He already told him she was having banana and toast - he then decided to cook breakfast ( lovingly? That depends on his motives….)

Also, with respect, how do you know he’s not the reason she is overweight? If he does this often because according to you she should have just eaten the breakfast to keep the peace??

Bollocks to that

I think the fried breakfast would have been better. You wouldn’t have had a blood sugar rise followed by a crash which would leave you hungry again. The fired breakfast should keep you full for hours. Have a read of the glucose goddess. Sometimes people struggle to loose weight as we eat too many carbs and not enough protein and fat.

Share this with him: https://www.egginfo.co.uk/recipes/baked-breakfast-tomato-and-mushroom

We are Kosher veggies but, I would be starving after banana on toast. I would add some greek yog. Also, do you eat with DH even if its different food? I am an ED survivor and my DH found eating alone all the time one of the most upsetting and isolating things.

@SecretEater23 Apologies if this has already been asked but do you meal planning? Who does this shopping?
Whilst we of course have extra bits for snacks in at all times us for and the kids (fruit, cooked sausages, cheese and cracker, rice cakes etc) there isn’t enough random food in the fridge to whip up a whole meal. The planner is on the wall and we have the fresh ingredients in the fridge for that. There wouldn’t be a random pack of bacon or sausages to use to just whip that up. Were the bacon and sausage intended for a meal in the week or were they there for just in case? If it’s the latte then meal planning with a strict shopping list might be really useful for you.

Also, well done on your weight loss achievements so far!

Agree with this having a boiled or pouched egg instead of banana would have been better as you need protein for muscle recovery. Why not suggest for next time if he wants to make you a cooked breakfast for him to grill food instead as it drains the majority of fat out of bacon etc or swap bacon for turkey bacon and have chicken sausage(heck) instead. I personally think they taste much better as well.

When my partner opted to change his diet because he was trying to reduce his blood pressure without going on medication, I supported him.

We agreed to eat more vegetarian food, cut back on processed meat and only eat red meat once a week.

We stuck to this. The only sense in which I made it possible for him to lapse was to buy the odd packet of salami for sandwiches which I made when I went out to work.

It is 100% clear that the OP's partner is not supporting her and is reacting badly when challenged. (If he wants to snack and eat junk food that's obviously his right. But it would be more supportive of him to do his best to have these treats at work/when out with his friends etc.)

Clearly he should be respecting your wishes! I can see that ignoring that is somewhat missing the point.

But from a glucose spike perspective, the fryup is better than the toast and banana, yes. That's not to say that's the only thing that matters, but if your aim is not feeling starving hungry after a few hours (and then more likely to eat something that repeats the eat carbs/glucose spike/crash cycle) cycle, then ideally you'd go for a non-carb heavy, glucose-steadying option - protein and veg with smaller amounts of carbs. This morning at 8am I had a two-egg omelette with feta and peppers, small slice of rye bread and half a large avocado. I've had a long swim and been tidying all morning. Just about starting to feel mildly peckish now at 1.