Page 21 | Pissed off at DH making breakfast

SecretEater23 · 2023-06-11T09:28:07+00:00

I've been heavy for much of my adult life, nothing horrendous but definitely gained a lot over covid. Ended up with a bmi of 31 this winter and completely shaken by the death of a colleague (heart attack at 52 leaving partner and kids behind) I decided enough's enough. Started keeping a food diary and my god, the amount of crap (biscuits, chocolate, crisps, sugar etc) I ate without really registering it in my mind was crazy. I've managed to shift 7kg so far in 3 months, mostly by cutting out anything between meals, stopping drinking at home and going for a brisk walk as many days as I can. I still struggle a bit with needing to rely a lot on willpower to resist biscuits with tea, snacks on the sofa watching Netflix and wine of a weekend etc. My DH just doesn't really seem to want to help, constant offers of "do you want a glass of wine?", "I've got a big bag of crisps you wanna watch a movie" etc. He's never really struggled with weight and I'm not saying this is impossibly hard but 3 months in and it's still requiring a good level of effort to eat healthily and resist my old habits. This morning, out for a brisk walk with the dog, come back, told DH I was going to stop by the local shop to get some bananas so I could have banana on toast when I got back. I come in to a fired breakfast.... "it's Sunday, I thought you'd appreciate it" 🤬🤬🤬 Cue a big row about me being pissed off with his lack of support and constant offers of food/drink he knows I'm trying to cut down on. He's off in the huff, making noises about only trying to be kind and how I'm being ungrateful and it's not like I'm an alcoholic and he's one of those pals desperate for a night out and trying to get me to drink again..... Twat. Fried breakfast in the food bin and I've just eaten toast and banana. I know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

HeadNorth · 13/06/2023 07:31

She didn’t want a cooked breakfast! Honestly, why is that so very hard for some posters to understand?

Radiohat · 13/06/2023 07:35

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 12:43

I'm really quite frustrated on 2 fronts on many of the responses here.....

The people who seem to think that making A CHOICE about MY breakfast, telling my DH of that beforehand and for that to be ignored is OK..!!?!?

And away from the specifics of the carbs vs protein argument the number of people who think bacon, mushrooms, white bread fried IN A FRYING PAN WITH OIL plus grilled sausages is a comparable or preferential alternative to a banana on wholemeal toast are crazy.

Lol - you do sound angry 😠
I'm one of those people who think the fried breakfast without the fried bread is much healthier than sugar spread over carbohydrate. 🤔 sorry you are getting angry but most people just seem to be trying to help.....

MajesticWhine · 13/06/2023 07:36

You had already told him what you were getting for breakfast, the low-carb high-protein evangelism is irrelevant.

SweetBirdsong · 13/06/2023 08:35

There are some real Stepford Wives on here aren't there? 😂

Your dear husband cooked you a meal out of KINDNESS, how dare you not eat it? The poor iccle menz can't do right for doing wrong. Awww, poor menz, just trying to be helpful and nice. 😢 Give da menz a hug.

@SecretEater23 Even though you said you're on a diet, and trying to get fit and lose weight, you should still eat this carb-fest on a plate, to hinder and derail your weight loss, because the husband said so, and the husband made it. Must do what the husband wants. Got to please the menz.

And how DARE you not agree with the posters saying YABU. THEY are the ones who are in the right. You should please your man no matter what, he has made this massive fat-filled brekkie for YOU. Doesn't matter what YOU want or what YOU say or what YOUR desires are, you must do what the menz want. Don't want their iccle feels all bruised.

As for the people thinking banana on toast is the same as a massive fried breakfast? WTAF 😆 Some of the comments on team-husband are as batshit as fuck!! 😂

Roxy69 · 13/06/2023 09:23

Banana on toast is much worse than a fried breakfast (minus the fried bread, that could have been given to the dog if he didn't want it). High sugar, high carbs are not good for you on a diet.

diddl · 13/06/2023 09:30

Banana on toast is much worse than a fried breakfast

So what if it is?

That is what Op wanted!

SamanthaCaine · 13/06/2023 09:46

I think the issue, aside from personal choice obvs, is that the OP isn't particularly educated on nutrition and so the argument kicked off in part because she associates a fry up with bad food choices. Yet it's been shown that it's not actually that bad, depending on the ingredients and how it's been cooked.

Therefore, a busy up could've been prevented with a bit of education on both sides.

SpicyChickenPizza · 13/06/2023 09:54

kelsaycobbles · 11/06/2023 11:53

I don't care how other people have lost weight - this isn't about you

I care that the OP has a solution that works for her, that she communicated what she was having for breakfast and then someone else decided she's wrong and wasted food because he couldn't accept what she wanted to put in her body

I am also aghast that people still think UPF are better than bananas

Agree. The Op has found a way of dieting that works for her. And her husband is actively sabotaging this. Even if his intentions are good, it’s not fair.

I am also wondering how on earth I stay slim. I eat bananas and bread and have never had bacon in my life…

Mrsgreen100 · 13/06/2023 09:58

Actually an egg and a bacon probably got the same or less calories a banana toast
Are you sure your partners not sabotaging on purpose?

Crikeyisthatthetime · 13/06/2023 10:00

Most people are missing the point. Still.
OP isn't asking for the comparative merits of greasy fry up versus deadly banana on toast.
Let's try red dress, blue dress.
OP buys a blue dress to wear but when she gets home with it, DH presents her with a red dress he wants her to wear. When she wears the blue dress anyway he throws the red dress in the bin and sulks.
The question isn't whether the red dress would have looked nicer. OP wanted to wear the blue one.
So can we please stfu about how great the red dress is and she should have worn it just to be nice, just STOP.
I've never read such a load of bollocks and half truths from people who think they understand diets. But they don't understand gut health or cancer risks.
Carry on as you are OP.

SpicyChickenPizza · 13/06/2023 10:02

dudsville · 11/06/2023 12:29

I think escalating things to the level of argument is uneccesay. He clearly doesn't get it or wants to undermine your efforts or something, but what you eat is down to you. I live with a thin feeder. He's always offering me food. And when I'm making extra effort with my diet he'll bring home my favourite tub of ice cream. The onus is on me to politely refuse.

‘And when I'm making extra effort with my diet he'll bring home my favourite tub of ice cream’

This is dreadful behaviour from him. How mean.

EsmeSusanOgg · 13/06/2023 10:07

YANBU to be annoyed. But, depending on how big a fried breakfast/ how much oil, it may have been better for you than the banana on toast. I've had to monitor my bloods recently... And banana does insane stuff to my sugars...

AutumnCrow · 13/06/2023 10:08

Malbecqueen · 12/06/2023 20:58

Haven’t read all of the comments so don’t know if this is helpful but I’m a hypnotherapist and I warm all my clients who are embarking on habit change to watch for their partners/family etc sabotaging their efforts - it’s quite common and most of the time they don’t realise they’re doing it: they’re trying to be supportive but they don’t like change and generally there’s a part of them that is terrified that if you achieve your goal, you’ll realise you can do better and leave. If you say that, they’ll scoff but maybe reassure him in different ways. Perhaps talk about the fun things you can do together when you lose weight etc and see what happens- and huge congrats on the changes you’re making!

That's really interesting and one of the more sensible comments on this thread, @Malbecqueen

SpicyChickenPizza · 13/06/2023 10:23

zombie0037 · 13/06/2023 01:03

You lot really hate men, and your husbands

Nah. I have a husband who respects me and if I had found a diet which suited me, he would support that, even if he missed our joint meals together. I am sorry you don’t have a partner who respects you and/or you have such low standards.

It is astonishing how many people think Op should be a good girl and be super-grateful and eat the food her dear husband made for her, despite this being at odds with her diet plan.

WhichWitchWillBeWhich · 13/06/2023 11:09

zombie0037 · 13/06/2023 01:03

You lot really hate men, and your husbands

Except we don't.
I remember when I first became a vegetarian when I as 16. Told my parents I would no longer be eating meat. What did my Dad do? (He was the main cook in our house). Did he serve me up a plate full of meat? No of course he didn't, he adapted his recipes and made my meals meat-free. He respected MY CHOICE. That's what you call a good man.
We don't hate men, we hate manipulative and controlling men and it's very sad that so many women on here can't spot them and think they're just being kind 😡

longtompot · 13/06/2023 13:10

Mrsgreen100 · 13/06/2023 09:58

Actually an egg and a bacon probably got the same or less calories a banana toast
Are you sure your partners not sabotaging on purpose?

A quick Google says a slice of toast with a banana is 199.1 calories
Two eggs and two pieces of bacon is between 360 and 682 calories depending on which website you look at
I know which would fill me up more and stop me snacking later on, the banana on toast.

But neither of these things matter. The op has a plan that is working for her. She has been on it a while and her dh knows about it. She told him about her breakfast plans for when she got back from her walk.

To the pp who said he offered, no he didn't. He made it and plated it up for her. He could have cooked the breakfast and then when she came in, asked her if she wanted any. Not get annoyed and then throw it away. Cooked sausages and bacon always get eaten quickly when they are in our fridge.

AutumnCrow · 13/06/2023 13:18

Tiredanddistracted · 12/06/2023 21:46

Tomorrow I'm going to cook a fry up, place the plate in the middle of my dining table and wail at it for 25 minutes in the interests of balance.

Then I'm going to eat banana on toast.

Show quote history

🎶'Ave a banaaaana

Michelangelo's favourite cockney song. True story.

Feraldogmum · 13/06/2023 16:21

Hi Op ,first well done for your efforts,secondly I can understand you being a little miffed as I’m in a similar situation,however I do think you’ve overreacted a little.
From your hubby’s point of view he’s done you a favour cooking brekkie. After years of you trying and failing to diet, he most likely thought your response would be to eat it anyway as you’ve buckled before. He doesn’t want to sabotage you,but likely felt it would be selfish to not cook for you,and just possibly , be honest,is there the chance you would have been miffed by this in the past, him with a fry up and you not?
I have just lost 21kg( currently on the keto diet since January ) and have a husband who keeps suggesting takeaways/meals out and has cupboards full of crisps etc. I’m on a diet,he’s not ,so we have the occasional meal out and I have wine at weekends.
I know all too importantly the reasoning behind your diet,heart problems are rife( and early onset) in my family, and my husband has had two heart attacks,the first at 47 ,the last one 2019 age 54 but there needs to be balance.
I know all too well how difficult it is to be balanced. I was slim and very active as a young woman, I was also bulimic .It was all or nothing with me,especially as a food addict and this can make you more irritated around food issues, especially if you are in effect going cold turkey .Thats what sugar does to you,it activates the same part of the brain as heroin and cocaine so when you’re hungry and hubby puts off limits food in front of you, it makes you angry rather than just saying “ bung it in the fridge ,you can have it later.”
So don’t be hard on yourself but equally recognise your reaction may seem extreme by hubby’s standards.
Thankfully after a triple bypass and adherence to an exercise program my hubby is doing well, I don’t want to be the one leaving him alone,he’d be useless so I’m making changes.
I know you don’t want diet advice but I’ll just say read up on the mechanisms of low carb diets. They are not actually new, prior to Atkins many ,many years ago there was the Canadian air force diet. My husbands cardiologist and others favour low carb diets ( I’m a drs daughter) in the absence of carbs, fat is not turned to fat, you burn it. And yes, a fry up without the bread is healthier than a banana on toast, couple of trace vitamins but otherwise pure sugar.
I have reduced my cholesterol level whilst eating a high fat diet, I have also gone from high to normal blood pressure ,and within 2 months have completely reversed my type 2 diabetes . Significantly I’ve managed to do this without going ga ga when him indoors suggests a curry for the tenth time, though I have had gentle words about him being a tad unsupportive. My best friend dropped dead age 41, husband has two heart attacks, I don’t want my last words to him to be an argument about food if he has heart attack no 3.

WomanOfSteel · 13/06/2023 18:50

Feraldogmum · 13/06/2023 16:21

Hi Op ,first well done for your efforts,secondly I can understand you being a little miffed as I’m in a similar situation,however I do think you’ve overreacted a little.
From your hubby’s point of view he’s done you a favour cooking brekkie. After years of you trying and failing to diet, he most likely thought your response would be to eat it anyway as you’ve buckled before. He doesn’t want to sabotage you,but likely felt it would be selfish to not cook for you,and just possibly , be honest,is there the chance you would have been miffed by this in the past, him with a fry up and you not?
I have just lost 21kg( currently on the keto diet since January ) and have a husband who keeps suggesting takeaways/meals out and has cupboards full of crisps etc. I’m on a diet,he’s not ,so we have the occasional meal out and I have wine at weekends.
I know all too importantly the reasoning behind your diet,heart problems are rife( and early onset) in my family, and my husband has had two heart attacks,the first at 47 ,the last one 2019 age 54 but there needs to be balance.
I know all too well how difficult it is to be balanced. I was slim and very active as a young woman, I was also bulimic .It was all or nothing with me,especially as a food addict and this can make you more irritated around food issues, especially if you are in effect going cold turkey .Thats what sugar does to you,it activates the same part of the brain as heroin and cocaine so when you’re hungry and hubby puts off limits food in front of you, it makes you angry rather than just saying “ bung it in the fridge ,you can have it later.”
So don’t be hard on yourself but equally recognise your reaction may seem extreme by hubby’s standards.
Thankfully after a triple bypass and adherence to an exercise program my hubby is doing well, I don’t want to be the one leaving him alone,he’d be useless so I’m making changes.
I know you don’t want diet advice but I’ll just say read up on the mechanisms of low carb diets. They are not actually new, prior to Atkins many ,many years ago there was the Canadian air force diet. My husbands cardiologist and others favour low carb diets ( I’m a drs daughter) in the absence of carbs, fat is not turned to fat, you burn it. And yes, a fry up without the bread is healthier than a banana on toast, couple of trace vitamins but otherwise pure sugar.
I have reduced my cholesterol level whilst eating a high fat diet, I have also gone from high to normal blood pressure ,and within 2 months have completely reversed my type 2 diabetes . Significantly I’ve managed to do this without going ga ga when him indoors suggests a curry for the tenth time, though I have had gentle words about him being a tad unsupportive. My best friend dropped dead age 41, husband has two heart attacks, I don’t want my last words to him to be an argument about food if he has heart attack no 3.

How is it a favour when she’s already told him she doesn’t want a fried breakfast, she wants banana on toast and has even been out to buy the banana specifically for said breakfast? Then throwing a strop at her and binning it when she isn’t sufficiently grateful?

Pinkfluff76 · 14/06/2023 09:09

I agree he’s being super annoying re the wine and crisps but egg and bacon is better for you than toast and banana as carbs are the killer. Well done so far and good luck

Pandonut · 14/06/2023 09:17

Pinkfluff76 · 14/06/2023 09:09

I agree he’s being super annoying re the wine and crisps but egg and bacon is better for you than toast and banana as carbs are the killer. Well done so far and good luck

Bacon is never good for anyone, what is the killer and a leading cause of cancer is processed red meat.

XiCi · 14/06/2023 09:54

Pinkfluff76 · 14/06/2023 09:09

I agree he’s being super annoying re the wine and crisps but egg and bacon is better for you than toast and banana as carbs are the killer. Well done so far and good luck

🤣 are people really this thick
Carbs are not killers. Whole grains, pulses, vegetables, fruits - all carbs - essential micronutrients that provide us with energy and fibre. There are carbs that are best avoided, things like cakes, sweets, cheap white bread etc but all carbs are not killers, especially a banana ffs which contains potassium, vitamin B6, vitamin C, and various antioxidants and phytonutrients.

Bacon contains cancer causing nitrates. I still love a piece of bacon now and then so buy nitrate free but let's not pretend it's a health food

WhichWitchWillBeWhich · 14/06/2023 10:18

Carbs are the killer 😂😂😭😁😆

I keep saying it - a wholemeal slice of bread and a banana will literally kill you!!!

We, as a country, need to be eating more fried bacon, greasy sausages and mars bars it's the only way we can reverse the obesity epidemic 😜

SamanthaCaine · 14/06/2023 11:16

XiCi · 14/06/2023 09:54

🤣 are people really this thick
Carbs are not killers. Whole grains, pulses, vegetables, fruits - all carbs - essential micronutrients that provide us with energy and fibre. There are carbs that are best avoided, things like cakes, sweets, cheap white bread etc but all carbs are not killers, especially a banana ffs which contains potassium, vitamin B6, vitamin C, and various antioxidants and phytonutrients.

Bacon contains cancer causing nitrates. I still love a piece of bacon now and then so buy nitrate free but let's not pretend it's a health food

Show quote history

You can get nitrate free bacon and sausages and a lot of supermarket bread, not just cheap white, is ultra processed with chemicals.

It really depends on the product. No ones suggesting bacon is a health food but flatly saying it's a killer isn't true either.

PromisingMiddleagedWoman · 14/06/2023 11:28

The anti-carb hate here is bizarre. Every society and every culture for thousands of years have evolved eating carbs in some form or another. They are the basis of many staple foods. Do we really think that random MN poster in 2023 is likely to have some insider nutritional knowledge no one has ever had before?!