Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at DH making breakfast

553 replies

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 10:28

I've been heavy for much of my adult life, nothing horrendous but definitely gained a lot over covid. Ended up with a bmi of 31 this winter and completely shaken by the death of a colleague (heart attack at 52 leaving partner and kids behind) I decided enough's enough.

Started keeping a food diary and my god, the amount of crap (biscuits, chocolate, crisps, sugar etc) I ate without really registering it in my mind was crazy.

I've managed to shift 7kg so far in 3 months, mostly by cutting out anything between meals, stopping drinking at home and going for a brisk walk as many days as I can.

I still struggle a bit with needing to rely a lot on willpower to resist biscuits with tea, snacks on the sofa watching Netflix and wine of a weekend etc.

My DH just doesn't really seem to want to help, constant offers of "do you want a glass of wine?", "I've got a big bag of crisps you wanna watch a movie" etc. He's never really struggled with weight and I'm not saying this is impossibly hard but 3 months in and it's still requiring a good level of effort to eat healthily and resist my old habits.

This morning, out for a brisk walk with the dog, come back, told DH I was going to stop by the local shop to get some bananas so I could have banana on toast when I got back.

I come in to a fired breakfast.... "it's Sunday, I thought you'd appreciate it" 🤬🤬🤬

Cue a big row about me being pissed off with his lack of support and constant offers of food/drink he knows I'm trying to cut down on.

He's off in the huff, making noises about only trying to be kind and how I'm being ungrateful and it's not like I'm an alcoholic and he's one of those pals desperate for a night out and trying to get me to drink again..... Twat.

Fried breakfast in the food bin and I've just eaten toast and banana.

I know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Dentistlakes · 11/06/2023 15:37

He’s certainly not helping you! However, you are in control of what goes into your mouth, not him. You did brilliantly this morning, eating what you had originally planned. That shows you have made a change in mindset and you are more than capable of continuing to lose weight, whether he helps or not. Next time just calmly refuse, no need to bin the food, just don’t eat it!

My DH is similar. I just don’t drink alcohol or eat crap any more. I don’t need to lose weight but I don’t like the way shit food and alcohol make me feel. He still offers even though he knows I will refuse.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 11/06/2023 15:38

It sounds like he's actively trying to sabotage your diet. There are people like that. He may be one of them.

Dentistlakes · 11/06/2023 15:38

Just seen he put the food in the bin not you. In that case just let him get on with it! He’s being a twat.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:39

speakout · 11/06/2023 15:36

My ex was like you OP.

I love to cook, and while we were together he gained an enormous amount of weight.
You don't have to eat the food, or large quanities of what others have cooked.
I liked to make large amounts, useful for feezing, having leftovers or unexpected guests.

OH and I had a sit down and heart to heart, I wanted to help him, so started making meals that were low fat, low calorie, healthy.

Without fail he would come home with the smell of chocolate on his breath.
Why should I put myself out if he was eating on the sly.

Ultimately we are all responsible for what we shove down our throats.
I have little sympathy OP.
You can cook for yourself, eat just a little of what OP prepares with a large salad on the side.
Your OP is not responsible for your intake. That is on you.

In what way is the OP like your ex?

Tiredanddistracted · 11/06/2023 15:40

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:39

In what way is the OP like your ex?

Show quote history

Yes, this makes no sense whatsoever.

Namechangedagain20 · 11/06/2023 15:42

speakout · 11/06/2023 15:36

My ex was like you OP.

I love to cook, and while we were together he gained an enormous amount of weight.
You don't have to eat the food, or large quanities of what others have cooked.
I liked to make large amounts, useful for feezing, having leftovers or unexpected guests.

OH and I had a sit down and heart to heart, I wanted to help him, so started making meals that were low fat, low calorie, healthy.

Without fail he would come home with the smell of chocolate on his breath.
Why should I put myself out if he was eating on the sly.

Ultimately we are all responsible for what we shove down our throats.
I have little sympathy OP.
You can cook for yourself, eat just a little of what OP prepares with a large salad on the side.
Your OP is not responsible for your intake. That is on you.

Are people incapable of reading the OP today?

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:42

@Tiredanddistracted They thought they had a vaguely similar tale to tell but as it turns out, they don't 🙄

mumofboys8787 · 11/06/2023 15:42

know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

Hmmmmmm no I actually think you were pretty unreasonable to have a go at him for genuinely trying to do something nice. The correct way to handle that situation would've been to laugh and say "I'm not eating that" and made a joke out of it. "Thank you so much for making it for me and I know you did it with the best intentions but I actually really really need your support because I feel rotten about myself and am really trying hard to lose weight."

Not to scream and shout about it like a child.

kelsaycobbles · 11/06/2023 15:43

SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 15:36

I'm actually really happy. I've lost 7kg, feel like it's a sustainable long term change, feel great, lots of fresh air and sunshine. Starting to talk about park run later in the summer with my 14 year old.

I'm irritated a little at the dieting and nutrition advice that I've not asked for

But I'm irritated a lot at the notion that I should do something I don't want to do in place of something that I've been clear about simply to keep the peace with my husband.........

You are doing just fine - whilst not helpful to you , this thread is revealing a lot about peoples ( rather strange ) attitudes to food

Do the park run - you can walk it - no need to put that off any longer

rainyskylight · 11/06/2023 15:44

OP I’m sorry you’re getting a hard time here. People are so emotional about food. It’s your body, your journey, and you need to be comfortable with what you consume. I’m glad your DH has apologised; hopefully you are on the same page moving forward.

Finding the obsession with the fry up being healthy incredible tbh. I have a piece of wholemeal toast with (nice) peanut butter and sometimes a small banana every day for breakfast at 7am. I’m not hungry until 12:30. No sign of diabetes so far. 🙄

Tiredanddistracted · 11/06/2023 15:44

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:42

@Tiredanddistracted They thought they had a vaguely similar tale to tell but as it turns out, they don't 🙄

I think a lot of people are projecting their own issues on this thread.

Sallyh87 · 11/06/2023 15:44

It really doesn’t matter if a banana is worse than a fried breakfast (I mean obviously it’s not….).

@SecretEater23 has taken control of her diet and her husband has entirely ignored it. That’s not okay.

She told him she was having a banana then she should not feel guilty about her DHs hurt feelings because she didn’t eat the plate of fried meat in front of her!

Tiredanddistracted · 11/06/2023 15:45

mumofboys8787 · 11/06/2023 15:42

know I'm not BU but just wanted to rant

Hmmmmmm no I actually think you were pretty unreasonable to have a go at him for genuinely trying to do something nice. The correct way to handle that situation would've been to laugh and say "I'm not eating that" and made a joke out of it. "Thank you so much for making it for me and I know you did it with the best intentions but I actually really really need your support because I feel rotten about myself and am really trying hard to lose weight."

Not to scream and shout about it like a child.

Sigh. Read the OP's update wherein she lays out the actual conversation.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:45

If you have read the whole thread and come to that conclusion @mumofboys8787 then I don't think you are bright enough for unlimited access to the Internet

Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 15:46

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 15:45

If you have read the whole thread and come to that conclusion @mumofboys8787 then I don't think you are bright enough for unlimited access to the Internet

😂😂😂

OP posts:
TooJoy · 11/06/2023 15:46

YABU to throw it away as that’s such a waste and could have been eaten by someone else.

You are also BU to have not eaten it because you have to allow yourself treats else you’ll end up failing and putting it all back on.
A diet should be sustainable for at least a year to actually work.

If I was you I would have eaten it (even if it’s just half) and then had a lighter dinner.

However, I completely get struggling to have will power and needing the support of people around you.
I would apologise for throwing it away and not appreciating his effort but reiterate that you’re really concerned about your health.

Tiredanddistracted · 11/06/2023 15:47

TooJoy · 11/06/2023 15:46

YABU to throw it away as that’s such a waste and could have been eaten by someone else.

You are also BU to have not eaten it because you have to allow yourself treats else you’ll end up failing and putting it all back on.
A diet should be sustainable for at least a year to actually work.

If I was you I would have eaten it (even if it’s just half) and then had a lighter dinner.

However, I completely get struggling to have will power and needing the support of people around you.
I would apologise for throwing it away and not appreciating his effort but reiterate that you’re really concerned about your health.

Someone else want to take this one? I'm getting kind of tired.

diddl · 11/06/2023 15:47

to have a go at him for genuinely trying to do something nice.

What did he try to do that was nice?

Inmydreams88 · 11/06/2023 15:48

Did he make this breakfast for the whole family or just you and him specifically?

BadNomad · 11/06/2023 15:48

Even if the OP wants to eat a king-size Mars bar for breakfast, it still doesn't give her DH the right to overrule it.

Cas112 · 11/06/2023 15:48

My boyfriend does this. Annoying and I can understand your anger but you need to have a calm conversation instead of blowing your lid

WhichWitchWillBeWhich · 11/06/2023 15:49

Namechangedagain20 · 11/06/2023 15:42

Are people incapable of reading the OP today?

Show quote history

It must be the heat mixed with a bit of 🍸 🍷

Rightiothen13 · 11/06/2023 15:49

This issue completely aside, what is your marriage like OP?

kelsaycobbles · 11/06/2023 15:50

@Tiredanddistracted

RTFT

Find out who actually threw it in the bin

Original poster
SecretEater23 · 11/06/2023 15:50

Inmydreams88 · 11/06/2023 15:48

Did he make this breakfast for the whole family or just you and him specifically?

Just for me and him. Kids had weetabix and fruit.

Bracing myself to hear about how weetabix is worse than a deep fried marsbar 😱

OP posts: