Pissed off at DH making breakfast

If there is an underlying or reoccurring theme of dieting / unhappiness with your body and your weight, negative comments about yourself, poor body image, restricting or disordered eating, your own insecurities impacting the family, not eating family meals together, being a bad role model for your teens....then I get him. It is very hard when one person loads their issues onto everyone and expects the family to deal with it.

Jesus Christ.

Honestly, you are being thick.

People who are persistently controlling won't necessary say to your face 'I think I should have control over what you eat and you have absolutely no choice in the matter. Come over here so I can shove this down your throat!'.

Instead they constantly interfere and frame it as 'helping'.

What they are doing though, is subtly manoeuvre you into the position they want you to be in. Sort of like someone obsessively arranging and re-arranging an object on a shelf so that it's to their 100% satisfaction. Some men who want to control what their wives wear don't say 'I don't want you to wear that', or 'You're not wearing that'. Instead, they will buy a new outfit for their wife, hoping to avoid that conflict.

Then, when you say no for like the 10th fucking time and actually show that you actually want more autonomy over what you eat or how you look, they will do a sad puppy face and have a sulk to emotionally punishing you. Often the other person then feels guilty, and often will let the other person dictate what they do in fear of another emotional punishment or more conflict.

The problem isn't with the person that is subject to this. They shouldn't feel like someone is encroaching on them in this way and have to say no all the time. The problem is with the person that is talking the piss and routinely doesn't respect people's boundaries.

Some people like to eat crap or high calorie food so they don't look bad. They want to indulge in their bad habits in company, and will take steps in order that they can continue to do that. This is what her husband is doing and he needs to stop behaving like a petulant child when they say no to this.

What does Jesus have to do with any of this? Are you prosthelytizing?

Same as if he decides he is only eating keto and no carbs. The house doens't need to go carb free and tip toe around him

What? Op didn’t say he couldn’t have the fry up or indeed the kids. She’s not imposing anything on him - he’s imposing his fry up on her when she just wanted a flaming banana.

You do realise that it is the husband who is trying to make the OP eat what he wants her to eat, right?

Yes I agree. For better support, I suggests she posts in the relationship forum next time @Tiredanddistracted

You have completely misread everything the OP has posted.

Had the husband been cooking a fry up for just himself or the children, then you would be 100% correct.

However, the point if the OP's annoyance is that she told him she wanted banana toast and he ignored her, presented her with a fry up that he had made FOR HER, expected her to eat it and sulked when she didn't.

She did not expect him to change his own eating habits and would have been fine with him eating a fry up himself.

I find it challenging to see how this could be framed as the OP imposing her diet on anyone else?

Prick. Also trying to lose weight and reading this, I’m so glad I’m single!

He had a little melt down over what seems to be a long existing issue about her disordered eating. He is human, he has emotions. He got upset.

Just like I am sure there have been women upset when they make a meal forthe family and he husband turns his nose up and refuses to eat it and how dare she make a meal with carbs or think he would ever joing the family for a meal when she know how he feels about carbs... yet he saw her eating ice cream yesterday but now an egg is like food of the devil and he is sabotaging her by cooking it....

Living together and being married doesn't mean you never get tired or frustrated with the other person and their issues. There are women on here posting every single day about their frustration and getting irritated with the men in their lives. Men get irritated too.

But there's no evidence that her 'disordered eating', if indeed this is true, has any impact on the household, which is what you were suggesting?

Also, a little melt down would be fine if the OP turning down his fry up was in any way unreasonable. But it clearly wasn't.

Ah yes, the guy who says UPFs should be avoided and in relation to sweeteners, says on his website

'A number of studies have shown that type 2 diabetics with poorly-controlled blood sugar have an impaired ability to detect sweet tastes, driving them to eat more. After bringing their blood sugar levels under control, however, they experienced greater sensitivity to taste, particularly sweet tastes. In consequence, they were able to gain greater satisfaction from unprocessed foods, such as apples and carrots.
So – bin the sweeteners, and fill your fridge with fresh fruit and veg.'

In other news,

https://thefast800.com/meal-replacements/

OP, just because he made you the breakfast doesn’t mean you have to eat it. Yes you’ll have to use willpower, but you needed to use that to decide on banana and toast to begin with.

I think what you are missing in the advice on this thread is that people see you struggling and have probably been there themselves. Drastic changes in regular diets rarely work for long. The real key is to find the balance between the different choices that you are doing and also incorporating making the same choice but differently. (I.e. eating half the fry up instead everything).

You are coming across as really fed up and angry here including lashing out at other posters. That’s not ok to do either your family or other people because you are struggling. I suspect that this morning wasn’t the first time you were short or shouty at your DH. And I’d guess that’s why he had the reaction that he did.

maybe I’m all wrong with my take on the situation, but I’m betting there are more right bits than wrong ones. Well done with your progress so far and I do hope you find the balance that you’re looking for.

He knew what she wanted for breakfast. She didn't ask him to make it. There was zero reason for him to do anything, let alone make her something she didn't want. Maybe in your relationship you're fine with being pushed into doing things you don't want to do, but that doesn't make it ok. He has no right to be irritated with her over his own actions.

I'd hate to be in a relationship where I couldn't have a fucking banana.

Did you read the OP's earlier transcript of the conversation? Admittedly, these things are never 100% accurate as recollections are never perfect, but she didn't seem shouty. The emotional response seems to have cone from him.

Also, she DID use her willpower and didn't eat the fry up. This is what caused her DH's emotional response.

Personally I think the OP has been quite restrained in her replies to the myriad examples of unsolicited dieting advice here.

Ah. Take back my earlier snippiness then. Only in your previous post somewhere you said you has been the one that binned it and food waste really winds me up.

He's a prick.

I still think (95+% meat) grilled sausage with mushrooms and tomatoes is a better breakfast than banana on toast though!

Absolutely. Eating a few too many snacks is not disordered eating.

I have disordered eating and it's not what you describe in your OP. My partner is thankfully very supportive of the steps I'm taking to sort it. So, actually, a sulky response would not be justified even if you did.

The thing is, I read stuff like the above and think fuck it, might as well have a mars bar. Then it creeps into other areas. There was once a thread on here where people didn’t eat carrots as they had too much sugar in them. It’s bizarre.

Did you even read the OP? She didn’t restrict what he was having. She said SHE was having bananas on toast. He made her a fry up, she didn’t want it. She hasn’t told him he has to have anything different, or the kids, just that she is eating differently. He is ignoring what she wants and imposing his food wishes on her.

My ex was like you OP.

I love to cook, and while we were together he gained an enormous amount of weight.
You don't have to eat the food, or large quanities of what others have cooked.
I liked to make large amounts, useful for feezing, having leftovers or unexpected guests.

OH and I had a sit down and heart to heart, I wanted to help him, so started making meals that were low fat, low calorie, healthy.

Without fail he would come home with the smell of chocolate on his breath.
Why should I put myself out if he was eating on the sly.

Ultimately we are all responsible for what we shove down our throats.
I have little sympathy OP.
You can cook for yourself, eat just a little of what OP prepares with a large salad on the side.
Your OP is not responsible for your intake. That is on you.