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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Husband left me sleeping in hot car

471 replies

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:38

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there.

We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep!

I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

OP posts:
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6
BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 08:11

Deathbyfluffy · 19/06/2023 08:06

The other way to look at it is he got the kids and stuff out the car and left you to wake up in your own time.

Men really can’t win 🙃

If a woman had left her DH in the car that he then got out of and went back to sleep for another 1.5 hour nap, I wonder how many of the posters would be saying she should’ve woken him up……..

She would’ve been congratulated for leaving him there and told that she had no requirement to wake a person that has chosen to have a nap in the car and as an adult could risk assess it himself.

bunnypenny · 19/06/2023 08:11

I originally thought YWBU, OP, but I’ve changed my view to YANBU because of your use of bam. Well done! Top class.

bam basically means simpleton.

fuckmyuteruslining · 19/06/2023 08:11

I don't know how you managed not to wake up with the stopping and everybody getting out. I would have assumed you were awake but just chilling too.

Nordicrain · 19/06/2023 08:12

Hotandverybotheredagain · 18/06/2023 22:45

As an adult you would wake up and leave the car 🤷‍♀️

This.

What a dramatic thread.

HyperionWarbonnet · 19/06/2023 08:13

OP you need to answer some of the questions posed early in this post. What is this prince among men like the rest of the time?

Freysimo · 19/06/2023 08:14

Had there been some friction between you and husband? Seems spiteful of him, although you definitely would have woken up. Did you have it out with him?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 19/06/2023 08:16

Under normal circumstances I can absolutely imagine leaving DH to sleep in the car and I'm sure he'd do the same for me. Why wake a sleeping person unless you have to?
After an argument, I may leave him out of spite, and him the same I suppose, but the end result isn't really any different.
I think you are over-reacting.

Cherchezlafemme77 · 19/06/2023 08:16

The bammery on this thread is off the chart.

greencheetah · 19/06/2023 08:16

So now we have a difference of opinion. Bam either means hooligan, or simpleton.

Gosh this thread is confusing 😂

user1492757084 · 19/06/2023 08:21

Your story reminds me that I LOVE sleeping in a warm car.
When my babies were smaller often we would arrive home and my husband would leave me in the car (sometimes with a piece of chocolate) and he would attend to the kid's lunch while I blissfully snoozed in the warm sunshine.

You were so lucky; I think you would have woken if you became too hot.

Cherchezlafemme77 · 19/06/2023 08:21

greencheetah · 19/06/2023 08:16

So now we have a difference of opinion. Bam either means hooligan, or simpleton.

Gosh this thread is confusing 😂

Go back to 💤 😴 🛏.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:22

Ah the usual Mumsnet pile on. Usually consists of: you're an adult, and shouldn't expect anyone, not even your nearest and dearest to do anything for, or assist you with anything. You're an adult, and it is entirely unreasonable for you to need any rest or down time at any point, and if you do get some rest or down time, especially during the day, you are spoiled, pampered and entitled (or diabetic LOL). If your entrails aren't hanging out, or you aren't peri-arrest, you aren't really unwell, and even if you are, you shouldn't expect any help, sympathy or affection. From anyone. Oh, and the making up of random facts - the OP was drunk, her DH came to wake her after 15 minutes, the OP is obviously making all or part of it up, her DH is glad of the 15 minutes of peace.

Interesting psychology, to see a bunch of so called grown adults take such enjoyment out of mocking and being downright nasty to someone they've never met, who writes a completely inoffensive post on an anonymous forum. Makes me wonder how sad some people's lives must be to enjoy doing that.

Anyway, OP, it sounds like he probably did know you were asleep and left you there vindictively. Which isn't nice. For what it's worth, I did once get heat stroke from falling asleep in the passenger seat of a transit van, in the Uk in the middle of the day (shock horror), in about 28 degree heat. We had driven for six hours to get to our destination. I told the others (who were the ones who actually had an activity to take part in), that I was going to wait in the van for ten minutes and come out and watch them when the activity started. I must have conked out, and because they were taking part in the activity, they didn't notice that I didn't emerge. I woke up around 90 minutes later (so ok, longer time) my body drenched in sweat, my face dry and blisteringly hot, blinding headache, disoriented and vomiting. I did manage to get out of the van and make my way to the others, just before passing out and ending up in emergency for 8hrs being given fluids and electrolytes and ended up really unwell for about three days.

Yes it's unlikely that it would have reached that stage for you (as kids are unlikely not to come looking for food or something quicker than that), but you could still have ended up unwell and it wasn't a nice thing to do.

I live on another continent now where the temps reach 50 degree in summer, and if that had happened to me here, it's likely it would have ended up much worse.

Have a chat to your DH, OP and tell him you don't appreciate what he did, if it was in fact on purpose. And ignore the unkind people on here making things up to suit themselves.

TooJoy · 19/06/2023 08:27

You sound like a drama llama.

You’d been out for lunch, was full up and tired, he drove and then looked after the kids whilst you had a lovely nap.

How can you possibly find fault with that.

I can’t help thinking that you would have moaned if he had woken you up.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 19/06/2023 08:28

YANBU. He definitely did it on purpose.

BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 08:30

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:22

Ah the usual Mumsnet pile on. Usually consists of: you're an adult, and shouldn't expect anyone, not even your nearest and dearest to do anything for, or assist you with anything. You're an adult, and it is entirely unreasonable for you to need any rest or down time at any point, and if you do get some rest or down time, especially during the day, you are spoiled, pampered and entitled (or diabetic LOL). If your entrails aren't hanging out, or you aren't peri-arrest, you aren't really unwell, and even if you are, you shouldn't expect any help, sympathy or affection. From anyone. Oh, and the making up of random facts - the OP was drunk, her DH came to wake her after 15 minutes, the OP is obviously making all or part of it up, her DH is glad of the 15 minutes of peace.

Interesting psychology, to see a bunch of so called grown adults take such enjoyment out of mocking and being downright nasty to someone they've never met, who writes a completely inoffensive post on an anonymous forum. Makes me wonder how sad some people's lives must be to enjoy doing that.

Anyway, OP, it sounds like he probably did know you were asleep and left you there vindictively. Which isn't nice. For what it's worth, I did once get heat stroke from falling asleep in the passenger seat of a transit van, in the Uk in the middle of the day (shock horror), in about 28 degree heat. We had driven for six hours to get to our destination. I told the others (who were the ones who actually had an activity to take part in), that I was going to wait in the van for ten minutes and come out and watch them when the activity started. I must have conked out, and because they were taking part in the activity, they didn't notice that I didn't emerge. I woke up around 90 minutes later (so ok, longer time) my body drenched in sweat, my face dry and blisteringly hot, blinding headache, disoriented and vomiting. I did manage to get out of the van and make my way to the others, just before passing out and ending up in emergency for 8hrs being given fluids and electrolytes and ended up really unwell for about three days.

Yes it's unlikely that it would have reached that stage for you (as kids are unlikely not to come looking for food or something quicker than that), but you could still have ended up unwell and it wasn't a nice thing to do.

I live on another continent now where the temps reach 50 degree in summer, and if that had happened to me here, it's likely it would have ended up much worse.

Have a chat to your DH, OP and tell him you don't appreciate what he did, if it was in fact on purpose. And ignore the unkind people on here making things up to suit themselves.

It wasn’t 50 degrees here yesterday, so alls good!

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:31

Oh, and just to add, one of the people I was with was my DH who, despite having no reason to know that I wasn't sitting in the crowd happily watching him take part in said activity, felt guilty and upset that he hadn't been there to wake me, and felt horribly responsible and worried for the state I'd ended up in. He certainly would never have said "well it's your fault for falling asleep!"

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 19/06/2023 08:31

LOL get a grip

BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 08:31

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:22

Ah the usual Mumsnet pile on. Usually consists of: you're an adult, and shouldn't expect anyone, not even your nearest and dearest to do anything for, or assist you with anything. You're an adult, and it is entirely unreasonable for you to need any rest or down time at any point, and if you do get some rest or down time, especially during the day, you are spoiled, pampered and entitled (or diabetic LOL). If your entrails aren't hanging out, or you aren't peri-arrest, you aren't really unwell, and even if you are, you shouldn't expect any help, sympathy or affection. From anyone. Oh, and the making up of random facts - the OP was drunk, her DH came to wake her after 15 minutes, the OP is obviously making all or part of it up, her DH is glad of the 15 minutes of peace.

Interesting psychology, to see a bunch of so called grown adults take such enjoyment out of mocking and being downright nasty to someone they've never met, who writes a completely inoffensive post on an anonymous forum. Makes me wonder how sad some people's lives must be to enjoy doing that.

Anyway, OP, it sounds like he probably did know you were asleep and left you there vindictively. Which isn't nice. For what it's worth, I did once get heat stroke from falling asleep in the passenger seat of a transit van, in the Uk in the middle of the day (shock horror), in about 28 degree heat. We had driven for six hours to get to our destination. I told the others (who were the ones who actually had an activity to take part in), that I was going to wait in the van for ten minutes and come out and watch them when the activity started. I must have conked out, and because they were taking part in the activity, they didn't notice that I didn't emerge. I woke up around 90 minutes later (so ok, longer time) my body drenched in sweat, my face dry and blisteringly hot, blinding headache, disoriented and vomiting. I did manage to get out of the van and make my way to the others, just before passing out and ending up in emergency for 8hrs being given fluids and electrolytes and ended up really unwell for about three days.

Yes it's unlikely that it would have reached that stage for you (as kids are unlikely not to come looking for food or something quicker than that), but you could still have ended up unwell and it wasn't a nice thing to do.

I live on another continent now where the temps reach 50 degree in summer, and if that had happened to me here, it's likely it would have ended up much worse.

Have a chat to your DH, OP and tell him you don't appreciate what he did, if it was in fact on purpose. And ignore the unkind people on here making things up to suit themselves.

Would have ended much worse than what? Nothing happened!

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 19/06/2023 08:31

Jupiter15 · 18/06/2023 22:43

If this is real, YANBU. You could have died!

Whoops I was meant to quote this^

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/06/2023 08:32

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:15

He didn't think I was asleep. They don't really make that much noise shutting the doors, they don't slam them hard. I've slept through much louder.

If he didn't think you were asleep then he wouldn't wake you. It sounds more like you'd had a row and he thought you were sulking and left you to it.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:39

No, it was 25 degrees. Only 3 degrees cooler than when I suffered heat stroke as I described above in the passenger seat of a transit van in the uk.

Worse than the heat stroke I was hospitalised with!?

You do know that the interior of a car will reach up to 30 degrees hotter than the outside temperature. Per the table below, 24 degrees Celsius outside, after 10 minutes inside a closed car will be 34 degrees, and 40 degrees after 20 minutes.

It's really not all that unusual that the OP would be upset with her DH for not waking her, if in fact he knew she was asleep. As he probably also knows how deeply she can sleep. It was really not a nice thing to do.

Husband left me sleeping in hot car
Bobshhh · 19/06/2023 08:40

A man leaves his wife sleeping in a car as she’s presumably knackered and people are calling him vindictive?

absolute bams indeed.

BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 08:43

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 08:39

No, it was 25 degrees. Only 3 degrees cooler than when I suffered heat stroke as I described above in the passenger seat of a transit van in the uk.

Worse than the heat stroke I was hospitalised with!?

You do know that the interior of a car will reach up to 30 degrees hotter than the outside temperature. Per the table below, 24 degrees Celsius outside, after 10 minutes inside a closed car will be 34 degrees, and 40 degrees after 20 minutes.

It's really not all that unusual that the OP would be upset with her DH for not waking her, if in fact he knew she was asleep. As he probably also knows how deeply she can sleep. It was really not a nice thing to do.

But you fell asleep in a static vehicle. Not in a moving one that then stopped, everyone left the vehicle and despite having a painful neck managed to remain fast asleep…

Anyway nothing happened, so how could it have “been worse”?

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 08:46

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Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 08:50

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