Page 8 | Husband left me sleeping in hot car

BlueNavy · 2023-06-18T21:38:26+00:00

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there. We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep! I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

EggInANest · 19/06/2023 07:22

Is there any chance that he (wrongly) thought he was doing the right thing by leaving you to nap in peace?

Or genuinely thought you wouldn’t sleep through kids getting out of the car etc and assumed that if you didn’t come in you were either busy reporting to messages, or sulking etc?

Rightsraptor · 19/06/2023 07:27

I love these threads that show how few people actually bother to read what the OP actually wrote. I wonder if this is how they are in their actual lives, leaping to conclusions and embroidering things.

OP was not drunk nor did OP sleep through lots of noise.

I wonder if people would say the same things if your husband had left you in the car in freezing weather, OP. Because that has definitely killed people.

He was careless about you, certainly, and it's hardly unreasonable to expect care from your husband

Ankerdam · 19/06/2023 07:28

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:20

What noise? The noise of 2 car doors being quietly shut? That's all it was. They weren't screaming, sorting or fighting, it was just the car being turned off and ppl getting out. And yes I could have easily slept more, I came into the house and slept another 1.5hrs.

Show quote history

Why were people getting out of the car/shutting the doors quietly if no one realised you were asleep as you stated in your OP?

I feel like you've not gotten the reaction you felt was justified (i.e. you felt HWBU and few people have agreed), and now you're beginning to manipulate the context to protect your ego. 🤷🏼‍♀️

BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 07:30

Rightsraptor · 19/06/2023 07:27

I love these threads that show how few people actually bother to read what the OP actually wrote. I wonder if this is how they are in their actual lives, leaping to conclusions and embroidering things.

OP was not drunk nor did OP sleep through lots of noise.

I wonder if people would say the same things if your husband had left you in the car in freezing weather, OP. Because that has definitely killed people.

He was careless about you, certainly, and it's hardly unreasonable to expect care from your husband

Car stopping, engine off, two people getting out of car is a lot of noise to sleep through!

How OP knows the doors were shut quietly (do children ever shut the door quietly) if she was asleep, it’s almost like she is jumping to conclusions!

Oysterbabe · 19/06/2023 07:31

You're not a dog or a baby, I'm sure he did it because he didn't want to disturb you and you can get yourself out if uncomfortable.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 19/06/2023 07:33

Makemyday99 · 19/06/2023 05:19

I don’t know why you’ve bothered posting here tbh, you clearly don’t think yabu & are quick to point out why you think you are in the right to any comments that think you are bu so bit of a pointless post really

This. Beginning to understand why the husband wanted 15 minutes peace. I couldn't live in the same house as someone who gets so dramatic over a 15 minute snooze and goodness knows what else the rest of the time.

Cherchezlafemme77 · 19/06/2023 07:34

Had you been drinking at lunch?

Saracen · 19/06/2023 07:34

Unlike a dog or a baby, you weren't in any danger. But it was very inconsiderate of him to leave you to get so uncomfortable. He should have left a door open at least.

BadNomad · 19/06/2023 07:35

Unless the OP has a good life insurance policy, I don't see the benefit to him of letting her cook to death in the car. She's probably more use alive.

SilverPeacock · 19/06/2023 07:43

It is a very mean thing to do to somebody whether they were drunk or not. It’s not something you would do to someone you cared about. Unless he genuinely thought OP was awake if there is form for this kind of thing happening after rows, but either way this does not sound good for the state of the relationship sorry OP.

Original poster

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 07:53

Thanks those who actually read the post. Omg to those who started making things up and assuming things. My first post and now I understand why mumsnet gets such a bad rep. Some of you are absolute bams and not just because you disagree, just making things up.

My children are 14, they're perfectly capable of getting out a car without screaming and slamming doors, my husband doesn't need to help them out. For those asking how I know they shut the doors quietly, because that's what they always do and i assume if they'd slammed them I would have woken.

All these people saying sleeping in the day is not normal, wow. Everyone I know has an afternoon nap every now and then. I had been at work till early morn then out for lunch so in little sleep, a tough week and a big lunch and the temperature ppl fall asleep. It's not rude, I wasn't being chauffeured around. I drove there, he drove back. Sometimes I drive and he sleeps in the car, sometimes the children do.

I hadn't been drinking. I'm not on drugs. We hadn't had a massive for at lunch. A small argument about something in the morning.

He didn't come out to wake me after 15mins. People saying he would have come to check on me, do you know my husband?

OP posts:

Cherchezlafemme77 · 19/06/2023 07:55

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 07:53

Thanks those who actually read the post. Omg to those who started making things up and assuming things. My first post and now I understand why mumsnet gets such a bad rep. Some of you are absolute bams and not just because you disagree, just making things up.

My children are 14, they're perfectly capable of getting out a car without screaming and slamming doors, my husband doesn't need to help them out. For those asking how I know they shut the doors quietly, because that's what they always do and i assume if they'd slammed them I would have woken.

All these people saying sleeping in the day is not normal, wow. Everyone I know has an afternoon nap every now and then. I had been at work till early morn then out for lunch so in little sleep, a tough week and a big lunch and the temperature ppl fall asleep. It's not rude, I wasn't being chauffeured around. I drove there, he drove back. Sometimes I drive and he sleeps in the car, sometimes the children do.

I hadn't been drinking. I'm not on drugs. We hadn't had a massive for at lunch. A small argument about something in the morning.

He didn't come out to wake me after 15mins. People saying he would have come to check on me, do you know my husband?

"Absolute bams" 😄

greencheetah · 19/06/2023 07:58

What’s a “bam?”

BlinkeredBay · 19/06/2023 07:59

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 07:53

Thanks those who actually read the post. Omg to those who started making things up and assuming things. My first post and now I understand why mumsnet gets such a bad rep. Some of you are absolute bams and not just because you disagree, just making things up.

My children are 14, they're perfectly capable of getting out a car without screaming and slamming doors, my husband doesn't need to help them out. For those asking how I know they shut the doors quietly, because that's what they always do and i assume if they'd slammed them I would have woken.

All these people saying sleeping in the day is not normal, wow. Everyone I know has an afternoon nap every now and then. I had been at work till early morn then out for lunch so in little sleep, a tough week and a big lunch and the temperature ppl fall asleep. It's not rude, I wasn't being chauffeured around. I drove there, he drove back. Sometimes I drive and he sleeps in the car, sometimes the children do.

I hadn't been drinking. I'm not on drugs. We hadn't had a massive for at lunch. A small argument about something in the morning.

He didn't come out to wake me after 15mins. People saying he would have come to check on me, do you know my husband?

What’s a bam and is everyone who says YABU one by default?

Silvergoldandglitter · 19/06/2023 08:00

BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 07:53

Thanks those who actually read the post. Omg to those who started making things up and assuming things. My first post and now I understand why mumsnet gets such a bad rep. Some of you are absolute bams and not just because you disagree, just making things up.

My children are 14, they're perfectly capable of getting out a car without screaming and slamming doors, my husband doesn't need to help them out. For those asking how I know they shut the doors quietly, because that's what they always do and i assume if they'd slammed them I would have woken.

All these people saying sleeping in the day is not normal, wow. Everyone I know has an afternoon nap every now and then. I had been at work till early morn then out for lunch so in little sleep, a tough week and a big lunch and the temperature ppl fall asleep. It's not rude, I wasn't being chauffeured around. I drove there, he drove back. Sometimes I drive and he sleeps in the car, sometimes the children do.

I hadn't been drinking. I'm not on drugs. We hadn't had a massive for at lunch. A small argument about something in the morning.

He didn't come out to wake me after 15mins. People saying he would have come to check on me, do you know my husband?

What's a bam?

An afternoon nap is not a 2 hour sleep though surely? Maybe 20/30 minutes but 2 hours?

butterpuffed · 19/06/2023 08:00

I want to be an 'absolute bam' , it sounds like fun .

ShimmeringShirts · 19/06/2023 08:02

If he didn’t know you were asleep then he’s done nothing wrong. You seem irrationally angry over you falling asleep in the car and determined to blame someone for it. No one is to blame, he didn’t realise you were asleep and it’s not a normal occurrence for an adult to fall so deeply asleep in the car they don’t wake up when it stops so. You’ve over reacted.

ShimmeringShirts · 19/06/2023 08:03

@butterpuffed move to Scotland and act like a wee hooligan. That’s what we usually mean when we refer to bams!

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2023 08:04

He sounds spiteful and certainly not like someone who cares about you. It was a very contemptuous, uncaring thing to do (and as you say, possibly vindictive).

greencheetah · 19/06/2023 08:06

ShimmeringShirts · 19/06/2023 08:03

@butterpuffed move to Scotland and act like a wee hooligan. That’s what we usually mean when we refer to bams!

Oh that does sound like fun!

Deathbyfluffy · 19/06/2023 08:06

The other way to look at it is he got the kids and stuff out the car and left you to wake up in your own time.

Men really can’t win 🙃

TrucksTrains · 19/06/2023 08:08

I love people saying "oh OP it's not like you could have died" as if that's the bar for behaviour. "He wasn't trying to kill you OP so don't know what you're complaining about!!" Ridiculous. Of course it's a shitty weird thing to do. At best...thoughtless. at worst...vindictive.

SilverPeacock · 19/06/2023 08:08

Bam kind of a catch all term for hooligan or someone who is a bit mad

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2023 08:08

Jesus. OP was asleep (however incredible other posters find that - because they think they wouldn't have stayed asleep and lack the imagination and empathy to recognise that people differ).

Her H clearly knew she was asleep. Someone with their head lolling is not 'just sitting'.

The rest follows from there.

butterpuffed · 19/06/2023 08:10

ShimmeringShirts · 19/06/2023 08:03

@butterpuffed move to Scotland and act like a wee hooligan. That’s what we usually mean when we refer to bams!

😂