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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband left me sleeping in hot car

471 replies

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:38

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there.

We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep!

I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

OP posts:
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6
Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 12:22

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Couldyounot · 19/06/2023 12:24

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This, really. Multiple people who could have given the OP a quick shake, and didn't. Not good.

Lacucuracha · 19/06/2023 12:26

@Behindthelines

Not a chance even my 10 year old would have done that

So he has behaved worse than a child. A manchild.

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 12:28

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WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 12:29

2bazookas · 19/06/2023 12:22

You're not a baby or a dog. An adult human being's body mass would not have dehydrated or gone into heart failure.

Not in 15 minutes, but if the OP's child hadn't woken her and she'd slept for even a further 30 minutes or more, and adult humans body mass could and would 100% have began to significantly dehydrate and experience moderate to severe heat stroke. It doesn't take long, especially when asleep or incapacitated in extreme heat.

TimetoPour · 19/06/2023 12:30

Such a drama!

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep. By that reckoning, if you were hot you could have got out.

I would also have assumed you were in a snit and ignoring me considering you’d had a barney and didn’t make a move when everyone got out/car stopped etc.

NoTouch · 19/06/2023 12:30

You are focussing on the wrong thing.

Couples have arguments, but both of you need to work out how to can deal with arguments more healthily, and think about what you are teaching your kids. Must be hellish for them living in this atmosphere.

Lacucuracha · 19/06/2023 12:31

@TimetoPour

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep.

How do you know that? Do you know him?

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 12:31

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WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 19/06/2023 12:33

TimetoPour · 19/06/2023 12:30

Such a drama!

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep. By that reckoning, if you were hot you could have got out.

I would also have assumed you were in a snit and ignoring me considering you’d had a barney and didn’t make a move when everyone got out/car stopped etc.

If someone was sitting silent, with their head lolling forward (as the OP states she woke with a sore neck from being in that position), you'd assume they were just in a humph and ignoring you? Wouldn't that seem a strange way to sit and behave, even if in a mood?

AnotherEmma · 19/06/2023 12:48

YANBU. If my husband had fallen asleep in the car, I would gently try to wake him (but only gently - he is usually very grumpy when woken!) and if he didn't wake up I would have left all the windows open, and put the windscreen shade on, to keep him as cool as possible until he woke up.

I think your husband was being inconsiderate and mean.

TimetoPour · 19/06/2023 12:48

Lacucuracha · Today 12:31
@TimetoPour

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep.

How do you know that? Do you know him?

@Lacucuracha I know it because that was what the OP wrote in her post - She asked the husband and he said he hadn’t realised. I said it would be quite easy. If they had argued and were ignoring each other, he might not have given her a second glance.

How do you know that isn’t the situation? Do you know him?

Infracat · 19/06/2023 12:52

This is hilarious! 🤣🤣

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/06/2023 12:54

FelisCatus0 · 19/06/2023 04:59

Nevada is mainly desert is bloody hot. The UK is an extremely cold country and rarely gets hot. So hardly a comparison.

Show quote history

This is a good comparison as the windows were open and the interior of the car measured 110F and the body 109F which is around 43C.

From the table posted by @WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat, the interior of op’s car would have been verging on 40C by the time she was accidentally awoken.

I then checked any data for how hot a car can get when the outside temperature is 25C. The answer: up to 70C.

Husband left me sleeping in hot car
TimetoPour · 19/06/2023 12:54

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · Today 12:33
TimetoPour · Today 12:30

Such a drama!

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep. By that reckoning, if you were hot you could have got out.

I would also have assumed you were in a snit and ignoring me considering you’d had a barney and didn’t make a move when everyone got out/car stopped etc.
If someone was sitting silent, with their head lolling forward (as the OP states she woke with a sore neck from being in that position), you'd assume they were just in a humph and ignoring you? Wouldn't that seem a strange way to sit and behave, even if in a mood?

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat

If they were arguing and deliberately ignoring each other he may have got out with even looking at the OP was my thinking.

LuvSmallDogs · 19/06/2023 13:10

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat , I agree with you on the harsher responses from PP. Of course you can be hard to rouse without being pissed, an adult accidentally dozing off isn't that unusual, etc.

I just don't think there's a need to leap to OP's DH being a horrible cold person who would deliberately leave her in harm's way over some petty row.

theGooHasGone · 19/06/2023 13:32

Get a grip, OP. You fell asleep, didn't wake up when everyone else got out of the car and you got out 15 minutes later completely unharmed.

Lacucuracha · 19/06/2023 13:39

TimetoPour · 19/06/2023 12:48

Lacucuracha · Today 12:31
@TimetoPour

Your DH thought you were in a snit rather than asleep.

How do you know that? Do you know him?

@Lacucuracha I know it because that was what the OP wrote in her post - She asked the husband and he said he hadn’t realised. I said it would be quite easy. If they had argued and were ignoring each other, he might not have given her a second glance.

How do you know that isn’t the situation? Do you know him?

OP thinks he knows she was asleep, not ignoring him. So why do you think you know better?

Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 13:40

TooJoy · 19/06/2023 09:41

Exactly!

OP you are moaning about the fact that he didn’t wake you up and left you to get seriously ill or die in a boiling hot car but then say he didn’t think you were asleep.
So he’s not done anything wrong.

I’m guessing the argument earlier in the day was also started by you.

There’s nothing worse than having a parent who you have to walk on egg shells around because they’ll try and start an argument over anything.

Show quote history

I didn't once moan he didn't wake me up, here we go ppl making things up again.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 13:44

zingally · 19/06/2023 10:28

A bit over-dramatic. You are an adult, not an infant. And, as happened, you woke up because you were too hot, and got out of the car. Cars unlock from the inside exactly so an adult in a front seat can get out.

No that's not what happened. I didn't wake up cause I was too hot. Once again ppl not reading and making things up.

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 19/06/2023 13:44

"DH and I went out for Sunday lunch with the children today after an argument. On the way back, he made a big show of flopping around 'nodding off' in the car. We parked up and I let him know we were home, but he was 'fast asleep' and didn't respond. The kids and I all got out, opened and shut the doors, went back in the house. He came back inside 15 minutes later angry that "I left him there" and claiming I'm trying to kill him."

Same responses? Doubt it.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/06/2023 13:45

OP, I know MN can be a crazy place, but I'm honestly surprised by the reaction you're getting here. No, you almost certainly weren't in any real danger, but it's still a mean spirited thing to do and the fact he hasn't apologised now that he knows it upset you suggests that he's apathetic about it at best.

This is just not how you treat people. I've no idea why the collective is getting off on excusing it. Maybe the heat is making everyone crazy.

Comedycook · 19/06/2023 13:46

I think what he did was verging on evil. Not even joking.

Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 13:48

The grief I'm getting from having a sleep during the day is bizarre. As I've said in a previous answer I'd been at work till early morn and was very tired. 10pm to 7am for a few nights in a row.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 19/06/2023 13:50

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time..I think he sounds like a absolute psychopath. I would never be able to trust someone like this.