Page 5 | How deprived do you have to be to move in a man into your home a day of ‘knowing’ him on Facebook? *[Content warning: concerns child abuse]

EddyF · 2023-04-04T18:05:40+00:00

When you have children? Why isn’t the wider conversation in the media about the why/causes and PREVENTIONS of mothers doing this not being discussed on a wider platform? In the below case, again it’s the fault of SS and not the mother who moved a man from online to her home. It’s beyond sickening and I genuinely have no sympathy for any of these so called mothers. I don’t care about these men because it’s not hard to keep them out of your home/children’s lives. This country has resources for when you can’t cope with your children. You can even give them up. These women behave as if they can’t date safely and that it’s completely natural to take in any old scruff even a murderous one into your children’s lives. It’s like they have never heard of the concept of dating partners NOT meeting your kids for a length of time UNTIL you can access a situation? Not all these mums that do this are mentally challenged. [[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/lola-morgan-dyfedpowys-police-adhd-pembrokeshire-b2313875.html https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/lola-morgan-dyfedpowys-police-adhd-pembrokeshire-b2313875.html]] [[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11937439/Mother-monster-boyfriend-guilty-death-two-year-old-girl.html https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11937439/Mother-monster-boyfriend-guilty-death-two-year-old-girl.html]]

beAsensible1 · 04/04/2023 21:32

Many women are male centred and identified. Many see their resultant children as a burden and probably didn't really want them but the community stigma of abortion or losing a child are something the can't fathom either.

Sad, lonely , history of abuse. I think its so much easier for men to detach and walk away and re-enter society as deadbeats rather than women. which is why we end up with women who let people treat their kids like this.

horrific stuff

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:33

unclebuck · 04/04/2023 21:22

When I had DS, 20 years ago I was all teary eyed in the delivery suite cooing over him and said "Oh what can I do to ensure he is always safe" or some such and the midwife said "never invite a step-father into your home" and walked out. It struck a chord with me.

Wow!
That’s scary and powerful at the same time.

1Week · 04/04/2023 21:33

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 04/04/2023 21:29

You will be surprised. Children are more likely to be abused and battered by their own dad than a stranger, it is just that abuse is often ignored or forgiven and thoroughly under researched when it happens under the blessing of a marriage.

DISCLAIMER: Not saying that it is ok to introduce strangers to your kids that quickly but that these extreme situations are the exception, not the rule of what single/divorced mothers can put their children through.

Show quote history

Is that not an access thing.
If a man is an abuser he'll go for the kids that he has access to, and that's usually the kids in the family.
I believe stepfathers are far more dangerous than natural fathers - they have the access but not the natural bond I suppose. Someone quoted the stats earlier on the thread.

userxx · 04/04/2023 21:33

LadyKenya · 04/04/2023 19:52

It is so easy to demonise women who appear to stand back, and do nothing while their child is being abused, hit ect. There are numerous reasons as to why this happens, and will unfortunately keep on happening. That poor child, it really is heart wrenching. Unfortunately there are no easy answers, or solutions.

There are no excuses for a woman allowing this to happen to her child. Absolutely none.

MrsJBaptiste · 04/04/2023 21:33

Christ, look at the state of them both. There are no words...

beAsensible1 · 04/04/2023 21:34

RollingInTheCreek · 04/04/2023 20:01

Honestly this case is horrific. I have a daughter similar age to Lola and the thought of someone treating her this was makes me feel physically sick.
Arguably the mum was a victim of sorts too but there is no excuse. We need to lower the threshold of removing children from these homes. Even the state of the home is completely unacceptable for the child to grow up in. We need to make children safe first, then investigate. Covid was a disgustingly poor excuse for these cases to slip through the net.

the state doesn't have the money OR the people to raise the threshold. they're barely managing as is.

Fifi1010 · 04/04/2023 21:35

Men do this as well immediately shack up with nasty women look at Emma Tustin. I think it's a problem of adults putting their genitals over their kids. There is zero reason to shack up with someone so quickly if you are putting your DC first..I know someone who moved her partner in after 6 weeks because it was lockdown and she wanted to isolate with him she had a young DD.

beAsensible1 · 04/04/2023 21:35

People in this country don't want to adopt or foster complex needs. they barely want to adopt non-white children so there is absolutely no infrastructure to take these children away on mass numbers.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 21:36

Desperate women. Taking any man they can find.

There was a thread the other day about death penalties. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid in this case. Scum….. utter scum.

Both should be forcibly sterilised whilst in prison and have child abuser tattooed on their foreheads. Preferably before facing a firing squad. You mean to tell me the earth is a better place with scum like that allowed to roam free. They’ll cost the tax payer a ton of money when they need new identities upon release.

CarrieMoonbeams · 04/04/2023 21:36

I was physically and mentally abused by my dad (in our VERY nice house) and the thing that totally shattered the love I'd had for my mum was a conversation I overheard one day.

I'd been battered by my dad, again, for absolutely nothing, again, and I went to find my mum for a cuddle. My aunt was there too (obviously he didn't care who witnessed it) and she was having a go at my mum for allowing it to happen. My mum said "I know, but if he does it to her then he won't take it out on me". Cheers mum.

So maybe it was the same for Lola. Her mum basically let him burn out his temper on a tiny, defenceless little child 😢.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 21:37

beAsensible1 · 04/04/2023 21:35

People in this country don't want to adopt or foster complex needs. they barely want to adopt non-white children so there is absolutely no infrastructure to take these children away on mass numbers.

They don’t the children taken away- they enjoy abusing them. Would also lose their benefits and housing needs.

Summerishere123 · 04/04/2023 21:38

You clearly haven't met one of these mums. I know someone who could easily become one of these mums. Meets men on tinder and invites them to collect them from her work and take them back to her empty house. Travels hours on trains to meet them. Insists she is happy to do all the travel. Is in love within a fortnight and happy to leave job and family to be with them.

To be honest she is what I would describe as "vulnerable". No specific LD but not entirely with it either.

mosiacmaker · 04/04/2023 21:38

housemaus · 04/04/2023 20:00

Thing is - everyone in this thread is going to agree this is a fucking stupid and dangerous thing to do. 99.9% of people you could ask on the street would agree it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do.

The 0.01% of people who do things like this do them because they don't have good judgement making skills, to a literally fatal extent in this case. That's not normal stupidity, or depravity, or whatever. That's someone who has had a horrendous upbringing of their own with high number of ACEs, or is severely mentally unwell, or has an addiction issue, or are extremely poorly educated with neglect levels of experience in real life, or have a learning disability that precludes them from a typical level of judgement, or a host of other things. Or, indeed, a combination of these factors.

People don't make choices like this in a vacuum - we can't go, "Well they're a fucking terrible person" and call it a day. People who make such staggeringly poor life choices are doing so because of one or multiple contributing issues that make them unable to make good, rational choices.

I'm not for a single second exonerating the mother of this poor, poor kid. But it's just not as simple as 'she's a bad person'. 'Normal' people don't make decisions like this.

Very true

Fifi1010 · 04/04/2023 21:39

housemaus · 04/04/2023 20:00

Thing is - everyone in this thread is going to agree this is a fucking stupid and dangerous thing to do. 99.9% of people you could ask on the street would agree it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do.

The 0.01% of people who do things like this do them because they don't have good judgement making skills, to a literally fatal extent in this case. That's not normal stupidity, or depravity, or whatever. That's someone who has had a horrendous upbringing of their own with high number of ACEs, or is severely mentally unwell, or has an addiction issue, or are extremely poorly educated with neglect levels of experience in real life, or have a learning disability that precludes them from a typical level of judgement, or a host of other things. Or, indeed, a combination of these factors.

People don't make choices like this in a vacuum - we can't go, "Well they're a fucking terrible person" and call it a day. People who make such staggeringly poor life choices are doing so because of one or multiple contributing issues that make them unable to make good, rational choices.

I'm not for a single second exonerating the mother of this poor, poor kid. But it's just not as simple as 'she's a bad person'. 'Normal' people don't make decisions like this.

I know loads of people who move people in very rapidly it's normally to do with money, combining income and being free to shag whenever Vs having to arrange childcare to go on dates. It's pure selfishness really.

EnchentButteler · 04/04/2023 21:40

housemaus · 04/04/2023 20:00

Thing is - everyone in this thread is going to agree this is a fucking stupid and dangerous thing to do. 99.9% of people you could ask on the street would agree it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do.

The 0.01% of people who do things like this do them because they don't have good judgement making skills, to a literally fatal extent in this case. That's not normal stupidity, or depravity, or whatever. That's someone who has had a horrendous upbringing of their own with high number of ACEs, or is severely mentally unwell, or has an addiction issue, or are extremely poorly educated with neglect levels of experience in real life, or have a learning disability that precludes them from a typical level of judgement, or a host of other things. Or, indeed, a combination of these factors.

People don't make choices like this in a vacuum - we can't go, "Well they're a fucking terrible person" and call it a day. People who make such staggeringly poor life choices are doing so because of one or multiple contributing issues that make them unable to make good, rational choices.

I'm not for a single second exonerating the mother of this poor, poor kid. But it's just not as simple as 'she's a bad person'. 'Normal' people don't make decisions like this.

This ^

We can all look on and say no one in their right mind would do it but if we'd been brought up in an environment where this is part of a cycle of learned behaviour then this might be the resulting behaviour.

We must put the vast majority of the blame on the horrendous abusing men who prey on vulnerable women. So let us call out abusive behaviour by men as much as poor choices by vulnerable women.

PortmeirionTiles · 04/04/2023 21:40

OhMyCherriePie · 04/04/2023 21:32

Yeah sure but it's usually used as an excuse to introduce someone very early to their children. I got jumped on because I said I would not meet strangers from.old in the park with my kids for 'dates' or invite men from old to my home for 'garden dates ' men I don't know. These were actual suggestions from people so just because anyone can harm your child doesn't mean you should not use precautions and use it as an excuse to introduce them to any tom dick or harry

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I had that, a man suggested he come over for a cup of tea. I said no, my daughter is home (I would have said no anyway - the very idea!) and he said why does that matter? As if I’d want to teach my children to invite random men into our home; the idea is laughable.
Also a couple of men who suggested coming to my house after my children were in bed. 🤢

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:41

userxx · 04/04/2023 21:33

There are no excuses for a woman allowing this to happen to her child. Absolutely none.

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I agree.

Merryoldgoat · 04/04/2023 21:41

CarrieMoonbeams · 04/04/2023 21:36

I was physically and mentally abused by my dad (in our VERY nice house) and the thing that totally shattered the love I'd had for my mum was a conversation I overheard one day.

I'd been battered by my dad, again, for absolutely nothing, again, and I went to find my mum for a cuddle. My aunt was there too (obviously he didn't care who witnessed it) and she was having a go at my mum for allowing it to happen. My mum said "I know, but if he does it to her then he won't take it out on me". Cheers mum.

So maybe it was the same for Lola. Her mum basically let him burn out his temper on a tiny, defenceless little child 😢.

This is heartbreaking - I’m so sorry.

1Week · 04/04/2023 21:42

CarrieMoonbeams · 04/04/2023 21:36

I was physically and mentally abused by my dad (in our VERY nice house) and the thing that totally shattered the love I'd had for my mum was a conversation I overheard one day.

I'd been battered by my dad, again, for absolutely nothing, again, and I went to find my mum for a cuddle. My aunt was there too (obviously he didn't care who witnessed it) and she was having a go at my mum for allowing it to happen. My mum said "I know, but if he does it to her then he won't take it out on me". Cheers mum.

So maybe it was the same for Lola. Her mum basically let him burn out his temper on a tiny, defenceless little child 😢.

That has hit me hard - the poor little girl that you were. I'm sorry.

Standbyguest · 04/04/2023 21:43

This woman is not a victim, she's a complete scummer. The dregs of society and she should be locked up for life. But no doubt she'll be out soon and breeding away.

Hopefully the bloke doesn't last long in prison.

PortmeirionTiles · 04/04/2023 21:43

CarrieMoonbeams · 04/04/2023 21:36

I was physically and mentally abused by my dad (in our VERY nice house) and the thing that totally shattered the love I'd had for my mum was a conversation I overheard one day.

I'd been battered by my dad, again, for absolutely nothing, again, and I went to find my mum for a cuddle. My aunt was there too (obviously he didn't care who witnessed it) and she was having a go at my mum for allowing it to happen. My mum said "I know, but if he does it to her then he won't take it out on me". Cheers mum.

So maybe it was the same for Lola. Her mum basically let him burn out his temper on a tiny, defenceless little child 😢.

That’s heartbreaking @CarrieMoonbeams . I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Mimilamore · 04/04/2023 21:43

That man was no step father to that poor little girl and should not be referred to as one. You have to earn that title. He was a chancer, a cock lodger looking for a weak and needy woman to give him a roof.... poor little mite, how scared must she have been 😭

Sugarfree23 · 04/04/2023 21:44

He moved in after a day, makes me think he manipulated or forced the situation. Was she already vulnerable.
Where was he living before he moved in, did she have any way of getting rid of him?

Was she able to get him out the house one he'd moved in
So many questions.

Instead of kids getting taught about genders, and sexual orientation etc they should be taught about healthy relationships, getting to know people, what abusive behaviour looks like, how to get an abuser back out their life, at what point should a couple move in.

Albiboba · 04/04/2023 21:45

EnchentButteler · 04/04/2023 21:40

This ^

We can all look on and say no one in their right mind would do it but if we'd been brought up in an environment where this is part of a cycle of learned behaviour then this might be the resulting behaviour.

We must put the vast majority of the blame on the horrendous abusing men who prey on vulnerable women. So let us call out abusive behaviour by men as much as poor choices by vulnerable women.

Show quote history

Sorry no, I think it’s really minimising to refer to it as ‘poor choices’ from the woman but basically just evil if it’s a man.
Sure she’s a product of learned behaviour and probably a cycle of abuse… but likely so is he too. Whats the difference?
It’s not more excusable, and she’s not automatically more vulnerable because she’s a woman.
Its interesting you go straight to discussing how her poor choices come from her environment without actually knowing
much about the background of either of them.
It’s actually really infantilising to women in general that these women are always referred to as vulnerable. Sometimes women are just really fucking awful humans too.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 04/04/2023 21:46

1Week · 04/04/2023 21:33

Is that not an access thing.
If a man is an abuser he'll go for the kids that he has access to, and that's usually the kids in the family.
I believe stepfathers are far more dangerous than natural fathers - they have the access but not the natural bond I suppose. Someone quoted the stats earlier on the thread.

Show quote history

The stats are high for step fathers but all experts agree that there are not enough studies around about how paternal violence affects kids in households where the parents are still together.

Unfortunately someone who has grown up with abuse, whether this was as a member of a 2 parent family or a separated one, is ill equipped to find themselves a safe partner as they have normalised abuse and control.