How deprived do you have to be to move in a man into your home a day of ‘knowing’ him on Facebook? *[Content warning: concerns child abuse]

My Mum was broken when my Dad left, and bounced from one disasterous relationship to the next. It was anyone that offered her attention basically, and she more or less forgot that she was a parent.

However there is zero excuse for letting someone abuse your child like this woman did. She's most likely to get pregnant again and repeat the cycle again and again I'm sorry but women like her should be sterilised.

I remember having a conversation with a friend at a baby group who was a family law solicitor. There was a high profile case at the time of a mum choosing to believe new boyfriend over dc about sexual abuse and thought her daughter was causing trouble and stirring. I was shocked a mum would ever choose boyfriend over dc but she said “oh no, they always do! It’s mind blowing and heart breaking but they always seem to believe the boyfriend over existing dc. I think they’re terrified to be alone they don’t let themselves see the red flags.”

@EddyF
Oh my God.
This case is horrific.

I couldn’t finish reading about it, but the perp looked absolutely unspeakable.

Who would risk an innocent child like that..

It’s just awful what that poor baby girl went through
It’s beyond sick.

Who needs such a low grade vile man in their life, never mind their children’s lives?

It is so easy to demonise women who appear to stand back, and do nothing while their child is being abused, hit ect. There are numerous reasons as to why this happens, and will unfortunately keep on happening. That poor child, it really is heart wrenching. Unfortunately there are no easy answers, or solutions.

Shockingly i heard the same.
Families defend the abuser.

Say the child is lying.

In “Middle class” homes, too.. In one case because the alleged perp was a good provider
Ponies for the kids and a horse for the wife -and a beautiful house.

A lot of women love the bad boys, but you have to put a control on that once you have kids, at least letting him around your children.

Completely agree- And these scummy abusive men need vasectomies, too.

Sorry but I have no sympathy with you at all if you stand by and let anyone treat your child this way. If you aren’t able to defend your child or at the very least not expose them to abuse, you should never have children. I don’t care what your ‘rights’ or ‘issues’ are.

Thing is - everyone in this thread is going to agree this is a fucking stupid and dangerous thing to do. 99.9% of people you could ask on the street would agree it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do.

The 0.01% of people who do things like this do them because they don't have good judgement making skills, to a literally fatal extent in this case. That's not normal stupidity, or depravity, or whatever. That's someone who has had a horrendous upbringing of their own with high number of ACEs, or is severely mentally unwell, or has an addiction issue, or are extremely poorly educated with neglect levels of experience in real life, or have a learning disability that precludes them from a typical level of judgement, or a host of other things. Or, indeed, a combination of these factors.

People don't make choices like this in a vacuum - we can't go, "Well they're a fucking terrible person" and call it a day. People who make such staggeringly poor life choices are doing so because of one or multiple contributing issues that make them unable to make good, rational choices.

I'm not for a single second exonerating the mother of this poor, poor kid. But it's just not as simple as 'she's a bad person'. 'Normal' people don't make decisions like this.

Honestly this case is horrific. I have a daughter similar age to Lola and the thought of someone treating her this was makes me feel physically sick.
Arguably the mum was a victim of sorts too but there is no excuse. We need to lower the threshold of removing children from these homes. Even the state of the home is completely unacceptable for the child to grow up in. We need to make children safe first, then investigate. Covid was a disgustingly poor excuse for these cases to slip through the net.

Reading the articles it says she tried to do a claires law check and also that she had been on the freedom programme twice but left the 2nd time. She clearly had issues but sorry if you're about to do a Claire law check you get your kid away from them.

Social Services let this kid down massively during covid times.

You know how a new dominate male lion will kill the cubs of the lion he overthrew? I think there is a certain breed of scumbag man who has that same primal instinct. I don't think I'd ever fully trust a new man with my children.

This is a horrific case, on top of a host of others. I can't see how single mothers can be prevented from early introductions. Even if its not socially acceptable people will still do it regardless. Also don't fathers have a role to play, keeping regular contact with their children might also reduce such incidents. Abuse can be noticed sooner. This mother allowed abuse but sweeping generalisations about mothers isn't necessarily helpful.

Bastards bastards the lot of them

By bad boy, you mean a man who abused a 2 year old, killed her and took photographs of the injuries he inflicted?

Lots of women love men like this?

If you do, you need to get help.

Exactly@housemaus . I agree.

It actually annoys me when people are quick to label the mum as a victim or mentally unwell/damaged etc but interestingly they aren’t doing that to the partner. It seems to be a sympathy reserved for women, the idea that that can’t possibly be as bad as the man.
Honestly to me this women is worse than the partner, she was fully complicit in this. She knew her child wasn’t safe with this man, she woke up to noises and bangs on the night of the murder and just went back to sleep.
It actually makes me feel physically sick.

I really really shouldn’t have read that link. It’s beyond fathoming. I want to be sick. My little boy is asleep on my arm, so loved and lucky.

I became a single mum when my DD was 2.

I never wanted any man to meet her until I was 100% sure it was a serious relationship. I certainly had no intentions of moving a man in.

I didnt want some man coming into my daughter's safe space and changing the dynamic.

She's 16 now, and I've still not introduced any men to her. Maybe when she's older and more independent in her own life, I'll think more about dating seriously.

Her dad on the other was introducing women within the month. One was 4 months after he left me for another woman.

Mother or single - moving a man into your home after a day of "knowing" him is risky, to say the least.

To do so as a mother is either staggeringly careless and selfish or mentally ill (diagnosed or undiagnosed).

These women who allow this are beyond disgusting. NOTHING and NO ONE is more precious than your babies!!! They are your flesh and blood!

Why did he kill her? Why was she left in his sole care so many times? Where were the other children when all this was happening?

It's actually disgusting.
I know someone that took her children on her first date with her partner and he moved in 3 days later. They've been together a few years now but for all she knew, he could've been a pedophile/child abuser.
I think it's completely inappropriate and dangerous.

@reaty Why did he kill her?

Is there any reasonable answer to kill a 2 year old with your bare hands? What kind of question is this!?