AIBU that veg should not be shared at the wedding?

I read all the way through the OP's first post expecting a punchline.

But nope. She's serious.

Is anyone else having palpitations at so much use of the word “veg” on this thread? Anyway, it’s totally normal and preferable imo – more convivial with guests passing the dish around, plus people can achieve their preferred balance: my mum is very much a single roast potato, 9,000 vegetables person. Plus unless it’s supremely elegant, plating up is a bit “mingy roast dinner at your MIL’s house”. Panache has panache!

I just don't want to be embarrassed.

I think you would feel more embarrassed when guests complain about getting cold food because the kitchen staff were faffing about putting veg on individual plates.

just to note your guets will remember what your food tastes like not how it looks that is what I would be concentrating on if it was my wedding and make sure there is plenty of food

I'm with @Wexone here.

40 weddings! How come you know so many people? The last wedding I went to was in 2017.

@RampantIvy am irish big weddings coming here. average 250 people at it. both us have big families too. lucky we not part of gaa
my sister has been to double what I have been too as her husband part of gaa

I probably should have mentioned that there will be quite a few international guests - not all of them will speak English fluently. In this scenario, it's likely to be awkward

Most people don’t embarsss that easily. And (speaking from experience) when living/visiting in a country you’re not fluent, they’ve probably encountered far trickier situations than getting someone on a table to pass a bowl!

Personally I prefer it when you can help yourself to vegetables. I’ve always found more downmarket places serve everything on the plate.

This is normal however yanbu I hate it done this way I always end up with a tiny portion to make sure there is enough for everyone else

...the roast at the Savoy is lukewarm, limp and congealed. However they serve it.

The idea of it being awkward for guests to pass a serving dish is Mumsnet introverted social anxiety at its finest.

I was think the same thing. Is it that unusual to attend dinners where you don’t know the other people at the table?

Why?

I can't think of a culture in the world where you wouldn't be understood if you gestured 'please pass the broccoli'.

But... remember that this will add extra time on to serving one table when they could be bringing out plates for the next table. It's not uncommon (at a large wedding) for one end of the room to have finished one course by the time the other end has just been served.

In my experience when the veg is served in big bowls there is insufficient and the last two or three people (on a typical table of eight) are seriously short changed. This is not a good way of serving at this type of event.

Is it definitely a "serve yourself", not served by waiter to each guest? Could you request that? Agree it tends to reduce waste.

YABVVU to "demand" anything

Could you go for a silver service option? If not, then I think it is ok to share, as long as the sides are plentiful and replenished. It really does suck to get left with nothing.

I'm a wedding planner and, more often than not, the veg will be served on the plate not shared amongst the table due to the space on the tables once they are laid, decorated, etc.

Have you discussed your table centres with the caterers? Have they thought where the bowls are going to go on the table? Once the flowers/candles (whatever you might have), glasses, cutlery, plates etc. are down, in my experience, there is often not enough room on the tables to put bowls of veg down as well.

I would discuss the size of your tables centres with your florist and then ask the caterer to measure this out on whatever sized tables you have to see how everything would fit.

I know that MN hates 'ice breakers' but this would probably 'serve' (sorry!) as quite a good one... the worst case is that the bowls get passed from guest to guest in silence and the best case is that people interact in some form over it... to be honest, it might even be helpful for some guests to have a talking point (however mundane)!

It's your wedding and your budget so you can pretty much ask for what you would like. It sounds as though the veg on the plate is really important to you so pursue it with your chef but be prepared to pay for the extra work involved. I'm not sure whether having a shared veg scenario would cause confusion on the table, even amongst people of different language backgrounds. Whatever you decide, your wedding will be fabulous.

Op, are you offering 5 choices of main course?

This is relevant. If you are, then you will probably get generic veg. If you are offering 1 or 2 mains, then it's much more likely you will get 'matching' veg. In addition, what time of year is your wedding? It's unlikely that they will serve (for example) Asparagus in October because it will need to come from abroad and will cost much more.

I'm guessing that they have given you generic veg rather than 'matched' veg.

Overthinking it.

Absolutely this. I've worked events where we struggled to put a bread basket on a table...

Veg is usually plated. It doesn't mean it goes cold, or that we are "faffing"