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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to ask SGB a dirty sex question? Or anyone, really.

370 replies

HappySlapper · 10/07/2010 01:10

Swingers clubs... yay or nay?

Experiences?

I have a friend.... and after much discussion, we have decided to perhaps do this together.

All I want is some pros and cons really. You can judge me if you want, but I won't care

OP posts:
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/07/2010 19:05

i think i love AF. you have summed up how i feel about swinging/swapping/group sex.

i like the missinary position.

i like the fact that neither dh or i sleep with anyone else.

i like vanilla sex.

nothing wrongf with that at all.

blinder · 12/07/2010 19:08

Not judging SGB by the way. I was really highly sexed during pregnancy and I expect that if I had already been into threesomes, I wouldn't have necessarily stopped doing that. [caveat: although I would have been very concerned about safety so actually probably wouldn't have done anything after all!]

But the thought of a couple wanting a woman with a bump to play with is quite upsetting to me.

Maybe we have 'ishoos' AF.

IFancyKevinELevin · 12/07/2010 19:12

Why don't they allow single men at these clubs?

OP who brought up the idea of the club, you or the internet guy?

IFancyKevinELevin · 12/07/2010 19:15

TheLadyoftheGreenKirtle I loved AF's posts first, she doesn't share, I don't share, back off!

AF - I only wear the good underwear...my current choice of Cafe Au Lait Rigby and Peller bra enhances my bingo wings and back fat beautifully....no nylon in this house, oh no sirrreeeee!

Ladyanonymous · 12/07/2010 19:22

I've been thinking about how I personally feel about this.

As a single person I think this is something I would've considered experimenting with as I like to think I am quite broad minded when it comes to these things. I think if it was just sex then in a way its more controlled and safer than pulling some twat in a night club somewhere.

Thats without involving any feelings.

Now I am in a loving relationship with someone I feel I want to spend the rest of my life with I think this may be something we would fantasise about and maybe use to turn each other on, but the reality of watching him shag someone else in front of me, I think, (in fact I know) would really really hurt me, and I would not want that image burned onto my brain.

He said to me yesterday (v corny) that the song thats in the charts (Nothin on You) is my song.

I don't really care how cheesy that is because I love that that is the way he feels about me, and that he doesn't desire anyone else and that I am enough for him. That makes me loved and safe and valued.

They are my personal thoughts and I do understand why couples in loving relationships would choose to do this too.

However it is not for me.

blinder · 12/07/2010 19:26

Lovely post Ladyanonymous.

FanjolinaJolie · 12/07/2010 19:37

I heart AF on this thread!

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 19:40

aww, LadyA, I love that B.O.B song too

kev, I think I am a little in love with you too

err, who are you? Should I know you under another name ?

blinder, no, I donn't think we have ishoos

nikki1978 · 12/07/2010 19:41

Just butting in here as I think I may have been the person mentioned earlier who had a bad experience with swinging last year.

Basically I have always had a huge fantasy about being with another women and also about watching my husband with another woman.

We talked about it lots (I only mentioned it about 6 years into our relationship!) and decided to try a swinging club in London. We turned up and it looked like an office from the outside but inside it was done up into lots of different rooms (the main being a bar then there was a corridor with lots of different rooms off it with big beds - things like a dungeon and a bed in a cage). We didn't do anything that night we just watched others. There was a mixture of ages but there were some very good looking 20 and 30 something people there which surprised me. When we got home that night we were at it for hours!

We decided after that to try a threesome and got talking with a girl on a website called SDC (which is a good way of finding partners for this sort of thing). We talked to her lots and she seemed lovely so we went to meet her. We had drinks with her near her house then went back with her. I quite enjoyed that experience to be honest.

After that we went back to another swinging club. This ended up somehow with a 5 girl orgy I ended up walking out of this when another girl was rough with me and made me bleed. I was very upset and my husband took me home.

After that I was not keen on trying things again. I had found the swinging clubs a bit awkward and creepy personally and also found the fantasy of threesomes and seeing my DH with another woman did not match the fantasy. It did not cause problems in our relationship but I can see how easily it could for so many other people.

The reason it went so badly wrong for me was that a month later I suddenly felt very unwell with bad lower abdominal pains and a terrible fever. I went to my GP who told me I had a bad infection in my womb and gave me antibiotics. He also did a swab and it came back a week later that I had gonorrhea which it soon turned out I had passed on to DH (or vice versa we will never know). We used condoms in all encounters but I was not aware how easily this STD was passed on (it can just sit on the pubic hair). The whole thing was very painful and humilitating (lots of trips to the STD clinic, several antibiotics as we had caught a resistant strain, my doctors sympathy as he assumed my husband had cheated on me and I was too ashamed to correct him) and I have no idea to this day how badly that infection damaged me internally. I suppose it is lucky that our family is already complete but it still made me feel 'tainted' almost.

Anyway I am not against swingers and swinging clubs. I think everyone has the right to behave however they wish sexually as long as all parties are consenting. Some people just like different and dirtier things than others . It is not for me and I will stick to the fantasy from now on.

I would say you only live once and if it is something you really want to do then go for it. But be bloody careful and get yourself screened on a regular basis so if you did catch something it can be sorted out quickly. I think it can be a bit of a dangerous game but then so is skydiving....

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 19:42

I (we) didn't have any sex during my pg's (medical reasons)

perhaps I should have let DH shag a replacement instead, I would feel very guilty if he has to deny himself that particular experience for the rest of his life

nikki1978 · 12/07/2010 19:43

Oh and look up Killing Kittens, Fever and Belle Baise if you want to guarantee young good looking types. Everyone has to have a photograph approved and will be turned away if fat or ugly

FanjolinaJolie · 12/07/2010 19:45

No fat or ugly?

I'd never make the grade

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 19:49

There ya go, Fanj

Us fat/ugly ones are excused ! No need to worry/angst over it any longer !

< has another cake >

IFancyKevinELevin · 12/07/2010 19:53

nikki1978, hope you are okay now, thank god you weren't pregnant.

It's trust issues in the real world isn't it?

You have to trust that people are disease free,
You have to trust that people will be careful with you,
You have to trust that none of these people are rapists or convicted of sexual crimes,
You have to trust in a very sheer piece of rubber,
You have to trust in everyone's personal hygiene,
You have to trust that no-one get's overagitated or over excited,
You have to trust they are drug free.

It's an awful lot of risk. And yes, your own husband or wife could be up to this behind your back, but the more partners the higher chance of statistics.

What made me leave in my experience, was, seeing a man try to roughly penetrate my friend anally, when she had clearly pointed out she wasn't interested, and he pretended to misunderstand her. He got very shirty, and I grabbed her and left. He wasvery friendly with the "organiser" and we were almost laughed out of complaining. There was that feeling of "well if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be here!"

Sorry to be so open and crude but that's what happened.

blinder · 12/07/2010 19:54

Actually I think I definitely do have issues but you are totally sane AnyFucker.

IFancyKevinELevin · 12/07/2010 20:01

Anyfucker of course you know me, I'm the person behind you in Tesco stocking up on the maxi packs of Cillit Bang and Dettol Wipes. (Whilst discreetly checking out yer middle aged mudflaps as you lean over your trolley)

Everyone failed to see how I cleverly managed to inlay the link to the OP on the Dettol Handsfree Soap dispenser into this thread. I am very disappointed after all my hard work. I expected at least one pat on the back for being a clever KevinELevin...

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 20:04

omfg, I have seen you kev

(in my nightmares )

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 20:05

kev, seriously, now, do I know you under another name ? < hard stare >

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 20:06

oh, and every time you type the word cillit, I read it as clit

not sure what says about me, tbh

dawntigga · 12/07/2010 20:07

isthatporridgeinyourhair I am not going to google ice docking - made the mistake with dragon butter and blue waffle, never gain!

af single men are allowed in some clubs but they usually pay double - there is usually a night where they aren't allowed at all. Not all vanilla/mundane women consent to sex with their partner 100% either so that argument doesn't hold water. IME you get less damaged souls in the fetish scene than you do in regular vanilla life. Can't speak for swingers as I only know a few and they seem less damaged and have healthier relationships than most couples I know. You have to maintain a very high level of honesty to make these relationships work - most people imo couldn't manage it. I couldn't! If you have dignified sex you aren't getting it right FWIW I dont' think you're bothered one way or the other and you've been amusing on this thread - I forwarded the link to some swinger/fetish friends and they thought you were hilarious

Oh, and men dressed in nappies (or adult babies as it's more commonly known as) get charged about 50 quid an hour for the priviledge. I think that somebody is laughing all the way to the bank. And yes, if I could I'd make money of it!

ThisIsWhatMakingCorsetsDoesForYou,YouEndUpKnowingFarMoreAboutStAndrew'sCrossesThanYou'dLike

FanjolinaJolie · 12/07/2010 20:09

Oh to men wearing nappies.

Do they pay extra to shit and piss in them too?

Which poor souls have to clean up that mess?

PortiaNovmerriment · 12/07/2010 20:10

Why would MNers have to look up what a Mexican picnic is? I would have thought we are more au fait with the urban dictionary than most, tbh.

FanjolinaJolie · 12/07/2010 20:11
AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 20:11

dawn, thanks

I think you kinda get me. If anyone thinks I have been totally serious all the way through this thread, they are a bit thick

I am honoured that I have given some fat ugly deviants swingers a laugh today. The thought of their daft shenanigans has certainly tickled my funny bone on occasion .

BTW...I didn't say I was dignified with my husband

AnyFucker · 12/07/2010 20:12

Portia...I really don't know what a Mexican picnic is

I am fairly sure I've never had one though

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