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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that daughter isnt allowed on school trip

149 replies

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 16:56

daughter was booked on orchestra trip abroad to leave on sunday. she didnt attend rehearsals for two weeks because asked by school head of sixth to stay at school all evenings and lunchtimes to make up home work instead which she did in the school library. school said she could not go on the trip this monday ( ie 6 days notice. ) and she was also not allowed to attend all the last minute rehearsals this week. No refund(£695) given by school and I was told she had 'scraped' her 10 A stars (she got 100% in some papers) Daughter has been to rehersals all the rest of this year and indeed the last 11 years.
Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt angry discarded and disgusted? Daughter has apologised for not informing music of her wherabouts in the school during the two weeks . form tutor did know. any advice. head is adamant she cant go.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 16:59

Bloody hell that is completely out of order in my view.

£695 is a lot of money. Did she tell the orchestra that she wouldn;t be going to rehearsals and why?

CristinaTheAstonishing · 09/07/2010 16:59

It sounds unreasonable of the school but why, oh why, didn't she let the orchestra people know? I think there's more to it TBH.

OrmRenewed · 09/07/2010 17:00

How extraordinary! No yanbu.

Lonnie · 09/07/2010 17:01

yes tell more please right now it sounds grossly unfair

Original poster
cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:01

Agee there must be more to it buts thats what school are saying and admitting to. They say the other girls would be let down. Actually the other girls will be sad their mate isnt going
I think they want to put someone on from the waiting list

OP posts:
purpleturtle · 09/07/2010 17:01

Why did she have to make up homework?

edam · 09/07/2010 17:02

Good grief.

I can see they might argue that she should have told the orchestra about the homework but £695?!!!

Being firm about it, you've paid the money, you have a contract with the school or the travel company or someone for this trip.

Original poster
cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:03

No she didnt tell the music director she couldnt attend and that really is her fault and she was out of order and so from the music directors viewpoint she was skiving and so he was right to get angry. probelm was he stayed angry even when he explained and apologised. other problem was that when he went to head of sixth head of sixth didnt enlighten him even though she knew the true story

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:05

school orchestra?

Lulumaam · 09/07/2010 17:05

why did two wweeks elapse before anyone communicated with the music teacher about where she was

if she was going to miss two weeks of rehearsals, your DD needed to tell the teacher

why was no-one else going on the trip asked to make up the work?

happyinherts · 09/07/2010 17:06

Same happened to my son - attended all rehearsals in four bands for four years. This year PE department called him to athletics squad and he competed and won his event as County Champion. He did not have time to inform music teacher and assumed that form teacher knew where he was and band members would inform music teacher. Informed he cannot go on jazz band trip next wednsday and potentially losing £500. I have complained and am demandng my money back. I dont mind if he goes on music tour or not but I could do with that money for the summer. Awaiting a reply from school - it looks like they are backing down, as they need grade 8 musicians, but even so..... Sympathies to cutupmum

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:07

ok so all in the same school.
Just sounds like a bit of miscommunication and nothing more sinister than that. With a bit of goodwill, it should be possible to fix it but if the music director and the head are so clear about this, I am not sure how you can appeal.

Maylee · 09/07/2010 17:07

Report to the LA immediatley if it's a state school. If it's private then not sure LA can do anything but worth checking.

Or just hound the Headteacher until he agrees your daughter can go on the trip.

Original poster
cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:08

really sad and embarrassing too that she was turned away from rehearsals this week

she hadnt done her homework because she went to live with her dad who has no computer or desk or printer because my dad was in hospital with a fractured leg of femur. not great for anyone . The point is the school form tutor and head of sixth knew her whereabouts and could have calmed down head of music. I know it doens make my daughters behaviour any better. But I still feel upset.Its her last ever school trip

how can I insist on my refund?

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 09/07/2010 17:08

have you paid for the trip though the school or direct to a travel agent? did it state anywhere in the paperwork they sent you for booking this that the students could be withdrawn from it without a refund for any reason? If not, you have a good case on insisting the school refund you.

I'm sure you'd prefer your DD to go on the trip, but a £695 shopping spree might cheer her up!

Oh, and a big well done to your DD for the 10 A stars! No matter how bright you are, you don't get straight A stars without putting a lot of work in.

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 09/07/2010 17:08

seems very odd, especially as it took 2 weeks before they conatcted to say no trip I would put foot down and say she goes or you want the money back! thats a huge amount

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:09

do the head and the music director know all that? Otherwise put it in writing

Original poster
cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:09

happy in herts does your son go to a private boys school with a private girls school next door?

OP posts:
thatbuzzingnoise · 09/07/2010 17:12

have you thought of putting in an official complaint / query in writing? He will then have to put his response in writing to you.

It is a way to start a more reasonable negotiation with school, ie, she goes or you get at least some of the money back.

most schools have policies about students not taking part in ex-curricular activities if their academic performance fall below par. Teachers normally talk to each other about a kid they area worrying about academically and ask for support to get the kid on-side. That is, before a crisis like this erupts. I am not saying btw that I think your child was taking the mick. it sounds far from it.

Original poster
cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:13

Head and music director know everything in writing now but goodwill (11 years of it form me) rapidly decreasing on my part ever since told she had only scraped her A stars and was skiving.

School orchestra.

Trip arranged and paid through the school

money all paid up front since January

Agreement signed to agree to no refund for bad behaviour on the trip but she isnt on the trip yet

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 17:14

And complaining that she 'scraped' 10 A*s?

What a travesty. 10 A* is good in anyone's book.

Is this how they treat you at private school? If so I am very happy that my daughter is in a state comp.

MaamRuby · 09/07/2010 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatbuzzingnoise · 09/07/2010 17:14

x-posts. sounds like bad communication between staff members here. while I think she had a responsibility to tell the music director, she is a kid, I assume and should not be trusted to do so.

thehat · 09/07/2010 17:16

Is this in the uk? If it is, has your daughter just finished her public exams (AS?A2?).

If there was a chance she wasn't able to go (and you losing a wedge of money) they should have contacted you to discuss it.
Did they bring up attendance at rehearsals at the pre tour meeting?

happyinherts · 09/07/2010 17:16

no cutupmum, it's a partially selective comprehensive. My son did get a music place, and honoured his commitments to that, but has acquired athletic skills since joining the school and has up to now managed to juggle things (just).

One missed rehearsal this was and I've sent a polite email to music director pointing out that communication between staff is quite lacking