to be upset that daughter isnt allowed on school trip

[cutupmum]

daughter was booked on orchestra trip abroad to leave on sunday. she didnt attend rehearsals for two weeks because asked by school head of sixth to stay at school all evenings and lunchtimes to make up home work instead which she did in the school library. school said she could not go on the trip this monday ( ie 6 days notice. ) and she was also not allowed to attend all the last minute rehearsals this week. No refund(£695) given by school and I was told she had 'scraped' her 10 A stars (she got 100% in some papers) Daughter has been to rehersals all the rest of this year and indeed the last 11 years.
Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt angry discarded and disgusted? Daughter has apologised for not informing music of her wherabouts in the school during the two weeks . form tutor did know. any advice. head is adamant she cant go.

school motto is serve and obey Karatrace.

I would insist on the passport being return NOW.

I would also push for that refund.Check your contract carefully.

for your DD.

Wow - it seems that you have been more than sensibly reasonable about this unless there is anything you've missed out.

Is the school a long way away from you ? There's no way I wouldn't have been on the doorstep this morning refusing to leave until the passport was returned.

If this is normal behaviour for orchestras I will make sure that non of my DCs ever end up in one.

Sorry to hear that the situation wasn't resolved - such a shame.

What I find odd is that during the two weeks when your daughter missed rehearsals, did the teacher not say anything to her? her tutor? peers in the orchestra?
Did they not think what a waste all the work she had put in and then to suddenly stop attending? I know they would have been stressed with the whole rehearsal and organisation of the trip but to have such a good pupil missing without any reason just doesn't sound right?
Did your daughters friends not say anything to her? ask where she was? surely they would have seen her during that time??

I must say you sound very subservient to the school;as someone who has also paid since the age of 4 I know how much money you will have given that school over the last 14 years .It is only a school however famous,however sought after;they have no right to withhold your child's passport,what if she needed it for a family holiday.If you behave as an inferior being to these schools they will behave as such,they will only respect you if you stand up to them and show that you are a force to be reckoned with.I would be threatening them with legal action if the passport is not returned by the end of this week,they are on very dodgy ground here,I would be copying this letter to the Chair of the Governors.I would also make it clear (not in writing)that you do not expect this matter to be reflected in her university reference.

Additionally I would withhold the cost of the trip from the fees ,this won't be until Sept,b**r the Bursar and his "looking at the wider issue"(I work in an independent school) ,they are just trying to fob you off,I expect the Bursar if he has any sense will be livid with the Head and the HOD
because he is likely to have a better idea of the legal position .

You are a paying customer you need to act as such ,stop behaving as if it is reasonable for them to treat you as a lessor being ,it is not reasonable and your daughter is suffering

another thought,I think Xenia may have been a parent at this school,I bet she wouldn't allow them to push her around like this!

Seeing as the school has broken up for the summer, you must get her passport back, there could be "no one is here to help" scenario and then you could be stuck if you decide to go away.

I know a few teachers from this school, not the easiest of people to get on with.

Correct me if I am wrong, but that passport is the property of the British Government and not theirs to keep. If I didn't have it back by the end of the day, I'd be getting the police involved.

what possible reason can the school have for withholding your dd's passport?

unless they want to prevent her travelling under her own steam to rejoin the orchestra abroad? Surely not though

can well imagine how depressed you must be feeling. Horrible situation for you.

Fucking hell! Excuse the language but I am outraged. How the hell do they dare behave like that. I think I'd be considering a solicitor TBH. About withholding of her passport and theft of £700.

And I have to say I'd avoid any school with that motto Sounds grim.

This is bloody strange

Witholding her passport?

Get up there and get it back! I don't believe this, I think I know the school btw.

sorry when I say I don't believe it I believe YOU I am just astounded at what they are doing

If she is year 11 then her GCSE results arent out yet??

How do you know she got 10 A stars?

As level results arent out yet either??

Cutupmum from your "sounds ominous" comment you sound worried that the school will now do something like chuck her out. They can't and they won't.

But you must support your DD totally - demand the passport back now, and make it clear that if you do not receive a full refund, you will withhold that amount from next term's fees. If you keep acting like a doormat, don't be surprised if the school wipes its feet all over you.

Don't forget that you are the paying customer here! You are in the right.

I think her dd is in year 12, had her GCSE results already and is waiting for AS results (and head said she will be there on results day)

Nickschick she is year 12 (lower sixth). She got her GCSE A*'s last year. She will get her AS level results in Aug when the headmistress threatened to "be around to discuss university prospects".

Care to name and shame?

Sorry, only just come to this but technically they have stolen your daughter's passport.

I would be informing the police, the UK Border Agency (due to the potential for fraudulent use of DD's passport) and the UK Identity and Passport Service.

Absolutely unacceptable, in fact if you give me the phone number I'll phone them up myself.

YADNBU about the passport- as others have said, what if you want to go on holiday??

Before I talked to the school about anything else, though, I would sit down and have a long chat with my daughter. I would ask "If I were to contact your subject teachers and ask them whether all your homework had been handed in on time, what would they say?... no, no reasons or excuses why it wasn't done... just yes or no. And how about before you were staying with your dad?"

This is because it sounds like your daughter might have got more behind with her work than you might realise - to be in the library at every possible opportunity for two weeks sounds like a significant amount of homework missed - more than one or two weeks.

I realise that there were stressful circumstances and that your daughter's working conditions at her dad's were not ideal.

I do wonder why, while she was staying at her father's, she wasn't using the computers/library at lunchtimes or after school (when not in rehearsals) to keep up with her work?

AS levels are, in some cases, a big leap from GCSE. A* at GCSE can be from about 65% in some subjects (like maths) to about 95% for others (e.g. drama). Often pupils do find that there is a lot more work than they expect or are used to and can easily fall behind.

It sounds like this may have happened to your daughter and the school were concerned about its possible impact on her exam results.

So it might be better to have this information from her before you go in! Do you know what her mock exam results were like and what sort of grades she has been getting so far this year?

I think OP would like to be back on good terms with the school, as she seems to have been for her dd's education to date. She does not know how to turn things around now, neither do I frankly.

It does seem difficult and I still cannot really understand why the school is taking such a tough line. Ok the orchestra trip is one thing and since they have left, nothing can now be done about that.

However the Head was derogatory about dd's academic performance, it seems unfairly. This together with the comment about the Head being there to discuss university options sounds bad to me since it does not seem to have been said in a conciliatory or neutral manner but came across to the OP as boding no good. She may just be reading something into it though on the basis of what has gone before.

Also the school generally seems tough with this parent for some reason. Why have they not returned the passport, if requested to do so? Perhaps they did intend to do so but with the term ending and everyone busy, it has merely been overlooked.

Then there is the question of the refund which OP is perhaps reluctant to press in view of the university application issue, fearing the school will in some way retaliate to the disadvantage of her dd.

She is really not to be envied. I am not sure how I would handle this. Perhaps since the Head has dug his heels in atm, it might be wise to let some time pass before taking further steps, using that time to get some advice from a relevant body. I really don't know.

I can understand that the OP wants to keep on side with the school if her DD still has to go back there but the passport issue is a really serious one.
If its stolen or lost while the school is keeping it there could be all kinds of problems and costs associated with sortingt it out not to mention the possibility of identity theft. Someone above says contact the passprot office for advice, I think that's a good suggestion.
Also on re-reading I see they said that there would be no refunds for bad behaviour on the trip - this doesn't make any sense as if a child is already on the trip why would they need a refund ? Do they send children home midway through ?

The school sounds like a police state TBH.

I'm not suggesting contacting the authorities for advice

I'm suggesting a fully fledged official complaint that your DD's school are no longer authorised to hold your DD's passport and are refusing to return it. Give the police the name of the specific individual who is refusing to return it.

If this passport is lost, and then if your DD ever in her life genuinely loses another, it will create big problems with applying for visas for certain countries e.g. the USA. You're allowed one loss and after that you are viewed with great suspicion.