to be upset that daughter isnt allowed on school trip

[cutupmum]

daughter was booked on orchestra trip abroad to leave on sunday. she didnt attend rehearsals for two weeks because asked by school head of sixth to stay at school all evenings and lunchtimes to make up home work instead which she did in the school library. school said she could not go on the trip this monday ( ie 6 days notice. ) and she was also not allowed to attend all the last minute rehearsals this week. No refund(£695) given by school and I was told she had 'scraped' her 10 A stars (she got 100% in some papers) Daughter has been to rehersals all the rest of this year and indeed the last 11 years.
Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt angry discarded and disgusted? Daughter has apologised for not informing music of her wherabouts in the school during the two weeks . form tutor did know. any advice. head is adamant she cant go.

I have a good friend who attended your DD's school.
Just before her GCSEs, her father died. She subsequently dropped two grades in 2 of the exams. Despite being there since she was 4, she was asked to leave before 6th form as they said her grades weren't up to the mark.

Can you imagine her poor mother's destress at first, losing her DH then the school she has supported for 12yrs effectively chucking out her DD?

Over the years Ive heard lots of tales from there which most people would consider totally unreasonable though none as bad as happened to my friend.

I'm sorry, I know this doesn't help. I hope you get it sorted out but just wanted to say they have a pretty ruthless reputation at the first sign of weakness.

Oh and where is Xenia? She knows the school very well and could maybe give you some advice both as a lawyer and a parent.

Is this NLCS?

If so, I'm not surprised.

No, I'm assuming it's HABS from the motto. If not then I must be clear that my post about my friend relates to HABS.

IIRC, Xenia had one DD at each.

I assumed the same

shocking, how can the school justify such action?

onesock, I have hear similar stories of girls being asked to leave, even though they have been there since the age of 4, and gone to other schools where they have ended up with 5 grade A at `A' level.

They were also offered tutoring at £35 an hour to get the child up to standard. If they haven't reached that standard after 14 ears at an academic hothouse, whose fault is it, and for not doing something about it earlier?

They told another school where a girl applied to - "she won't amount to anything, she"ll never pass maths GCSE" - guess what she studied at Uni!

Contact the police!
I would be outraged at the theft of £700!
Why shouldn't they return the money? It's not transferable to pay for the other child on the waiting list.
I would welcome £700- can't believe you're not pushing for this back! And the passport!! Say you're going on holiday and need it asap, but really you shouldn't need to make up excuses to get a passport back!
And tough luck if the person holding it is on holiday- it is illegal!

Phone school NOW and tell you're contacting the police regarding theft of a substantial sum of money and a British passport.

I am outraged on your behalf!!

Had a read this a week ago I would have said that the director of music was within his right to not let her play due to lack of rehearsals but absolutely your have paid for the trip (which is so much more than just playing - at least ours always were) as she should have been allowed to go on the understanding that she would have had to sit and watch all the performances, waited off stage or whatever.

I am horrified at their attitude. Name and shame - story in the local paper (perhaps after your dd has left the school!)

Yes, the tutoring thing is outrageous IMO.

My DCs are at a 4-18 independent school with a separate junior and senior department. They all need to pass the 11+ exam but the school have actually told us that if any of the junior school children didn't make the grade they would take full responsibility having educated them since 4.

They are also highly selective at 4 and track carefully until the kids are 7. If they think a child is going to struggle they let parents know aroung Y1 or Y2 at the latest. Though they told us that this is very rare as (despite its critics) the 4+ assessment is actually very good at spotting academic potential.

For me, independent education is all about a broad and balanced curriculum.
The 'scraping 10 A*s' comment says a lot IMO.

1. I agree, contact school demanding return of passport and money or you'll be calling the police by the end of the day.

1. You can't "scrape" As. An A is awarded to a pupil who excelled at a subject and an A (amazing in itself) simply doesn't show the amount of talent/hard work of the pupil.

1. Look into other, better orchestras for DD to join. Loot at churches and conservatoires, who might benefit from a dedicated musician more than that awful school.

1. She will get into an amazing university if her GCSE grades are anything to go by. School cannot write a negative UCAS reference. DD can demand to read it before it is submitted and refuse to have it submitted, asking for a different teacher to write it if needs be.

1. Consider calling their bluff. Look into the exam boards that she is taking with the school. Are there any there schools nearby that offer the same? Keep her at the school, and if this isn't enrolled by the endo of the year withdraw her from the exams at school and enter her elsewhere. You will have to pay for this (nit much) but her brilliant exam results won't go on the record of that nasty school. She'll be getting straight As, by the way. You don't just get 10 A*s and do badly at A levels unless something goes terribly wrong.

1. Serve and obey? They are a business. How much money have they made out of DD? They should be serving and obeying their customers.

sorry, 5. should read "if this isn't resolved by the end of the year"

TBH, Cargirl, parents would eat their own faeces to get their DDs into this school. It is highly sought after and stupidly over-subscribed.

It's the sort of school where the ISI could report that the teaching was shit and people would still be queuing at the door.

Not for me on so many levels but each to their own I suppose.

OP, FWIW, I think you and your DD have been treated appallingly. You are a paying customer and have been so for many loyal years. It does sound though as if there's something bigger going on here from the GCSE comment.

One of my local private much sought after schools started kicking dc out at 7 if they didn't do well enough in the sats. It has stopped some people sending their children there, so going public can serve it's purpose to alert parents what a school is like behind closed doors!

I went to the school in question a long time ago. I don't know the current head although I think the head of music has a familiar name. Whilst being very culturally diverse, the school has a very strong 'conformist' ethos and is generally not very tolerant of special circumstances. In addition, certainly in my time the different members of staff would have left it entirely up to the girl in question to sort out any clashes that different departments had.

I completely understand your frustration, my parents, my sister and myself had a few examples of much more minor niggles of the inflexibility of the school towards individuals - as others have said, it is probably a feature of having such a huge waiting list/pool of candidates.

Nevertheless I had a brilliant time there and would consider it for any daughter of mine. I hope you manage to have a sensible conversation with someone in authority and get an acknowledgement of your position.

Haven't read last couple of pages of thread, so apologies if someone has already said this, but if there is nothing on the terms and conditions that you signed when handing your money over, explicitly dealing with a situation like this, then they can't prevent her from going. I would tell them I am taking legal advice about getting my money back, and be very very stubborn until they gave in. I would also mutter about giving notice and say something about more in sorrow than in anger, etc.

Any update OP? Have been outraged for you all day!

OP, take a considred approach to this. If you're going to go frantic and start calling police etc, be prepared to have to move your daughter to another school. Which would, at the end of the day, be punishing your DD and you more than the school.

You and her dad need to make an appointment with the head to go and discuss all the issues - academic performance first and then trip. Passport is the least of your worries but a symptom of the former two issues. Be proactive, don't leave it to them to "haul" you in. In my experience of these schools, you get more respect by being direct and for want of a better word "pushy". It sounds like there's more to this and you need to know so tthat the issues can be aaddressed.

my spelling!
I am literate.

Cleanandclothed and everyone else it is habsgirls. It has been a brilliant school till now though the previous head had a lighter touch than the present one.

DD was very very behind with her homework and as my mum says it could be argued that it is DD fault for giving the school the opportunity to behave badly.

We have now got the passport. The bursar will be looking at the issue of the refund at the beginning of August as he is now on annual leave.

If you have a lively, healthy very bright girl who thrives on challenge it is a fantastic school. The teachers are amazing and there is a no holiday homework policy and if DD does her homework (as mine did generally)there is never any trouble and the most astonishing results.

However as of this week I should say that it can be perhaps a bit insensitive to the needs of those who have been there since age 4- I must admit the school has been a part of our lives for a very long time.

Still would be demanding my money now!
Where is it?
In their bank account earning them interest? Why should you loose that?

Don't care if they are on holiday- theyhave your money! It's theft! It has not been used for anything!
If it was a shop owing you money, you wouldn't wait months for a refund!
I would seek legal action for the return of the money.

I am sorry that this is happening to your family after such a long and happy time there.

Perhaps the Head is over reacting because of she is relatively new.

Good luck

i'm sorry this happened. my dd1 was there just last week for a music performance. she loved it, and it looks like a good school (way out of my price range and travel distance though)

that of should not be there clearly - see didn't do such a good job with me eh