to be upset that daughter isnt allowed on school trip

[cutupmum]

daughter was booked on orchestra trip abroad to leave on sunday. she didnt attend rehearsals for two weeks because asked by school head of sixth to stay at school all evenings and lunchtimes to make up home work instead which she did in the school library. school said she could not go on the trip this monday ( ie 6 days notice. ) and she was also not allowed to attend all the last minute rehearsals this week. No refund(£695) given by school and I was told she had 'scraped' her 10 A stars (she got 100% in some papers) Daughter has been to rehersals all the rest of this year and indeed the last 11 years.
Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt angry discarded and disgusted? Daughter has apologised for not informing music of her wherabouts in the school during the two weeks . form tutor did know. any advice. head is adamant she cant go.

Have you involved the head teacher in this? If not, even at this stage, I think it's worth doing (even if you have to ring a few people to contact them - somebody will have the number).

I wouldn't expect a head teacher to condone this - there are mitigating circumstances and the punishment in no way fits the crime! I would have a look at the school's website (or anything on paper) which sets out the school's values (e.g. treating people fairly, promoting tolerance, kindness etc etc) which this decision is bound to contradict.

I hope you get somewhere, and at the very least, a refund. Because this is not a fair decision.

Getting the rest of the orchestra on board is a good idea. If none of them 'go' then something will have to be done. Stage a sit in!

I think the A business is a red herring, there can't be one punishment for A weak students not doing their homework and a different one for more able kids!!
I can understand how hugely frustrating it must be for the HOM to put a tremendous amount of his own time and energy into putting togethjer a performance and one musician just doesn't turn up for the most crucial 2 weeks of rehearsals with no word of explanation (at the time).But you will absolutely have to be refunded.If not threaten and take legal action.

OT but how can a school be comprehensive if it is partially selective?

..and how has she been going to it for 11 years?

A partially selective school is a comprehensive which selects 25% of its intake on specialities such as dance, music, technology, probably split as 5% dance, 10% music and 10% technical aptitude. The remaining 75% of places would go to siblings and geographical catchment, making a truly comprehensive school.

YANBU

If a child has been attending music rehearsals for 11 years, and then disappears for two weeks, any reasonable teacher would investigate, on the assumption that they might be ill, or something. It's natural human concern!

As it happens, she was being kept to do more work in the library by teachers from the same school, so it would hardly have been hard for him to investigate where she was.

And thirdly, IIRC, a GCSE A requires a mark of over 90%. Therefore, for her to "scrape 10 As" means that she scored at least 90%, which would be thought of as a very high A, if we didn't have As. Personally, I think even threshold As are pretty good, yanno?

Tell the head you are going to A take them to the small claims court and B go to the local paper

RunawayWife - that would be my advice completely. The school is being petty and unreasonable.

Indeed but not only that, tell them that you are taking them personally to the small claims court, rather than the school.

As others have said, unless it says in the agreement that they will not refund due to missing rehearsals they really don't have a leg to stand on.

Absolutely disgraceful. You have every right to be furious.

I think your daughter is being treated unfairly. Perhaps she didnt tell the Music Teacher as an oversight, or maybe she couldnt face telling him, cos she knew he would be angry with her for missing reheasals.
I think the issue re homework could have been dealt with better by school-they must know her involvement in the orchestra and what it means to her. She could have worked during lunch and gone to rehearsals after school.
I dont know if this happens at your dds school, but when my dd was having violin lessons, some teachers would make a fuss if her lesson was during theirs-it happened to a lot of other pupils as well.
So much so, that after one xmas concert, the music tutor, made a speech that included telling teachers they shouldnt make pupils ffel bad for having music lessons.(Bet that went down well with the Head!)
Try to work something out for your dd, she must be very upset.

Still watching this thread - your poor daughter. Let us know the resolution.

thank you for all your posts - they really do help.

dh has gone with dd to school this morning to see if they can find the director of music and persuade him. director of music still has dd passport

dd has been at the school since age 4 dd is now 17 so been at school for 13 years and in orchestra (prep then junior then middle then senior) for 11 of them. It is an academically selective school very good for bright hardworking go getting girls with energy and
up till now has been ideal- committed teaching staff and loads of opportunities-the problem is the head of sixth and new head of school is not very tolerant of weakness and in a lifetime there are bound to be times of weakness for every family as we have just found.
I still feel upset even this morning after all she was not out at shops or imbibing alcohol with friends or anything- she was doing academic stuff with the schools knowledge and they could have let her attend rehearsals this week and everyone would have been happy.
Thank you for the suggestion of docking the school trip money from next terms fees

She has been there since 4? How awful after all this time supporting the school to be treated like you have.

Your daughter and her grades are the reasons they probably brag high grades in all their literature and rankings. It's not like she was off smoking weed on the school grounds fgs.

I know you are between a rock and a hard place with regards to references and bad feeling for your daughter and taking them to court, but I would I really would. How you both have been treated is grossly unfair.

You can kick up a great big stink with this cutupmum.
There should be a board of governors, you can email them to let them know what's going on, there's also the other parents. I bet the school wouldn't be happy with any media involvement.

Definitely would go with the suggestion of legal action.

wrt UCAS reference, your daughter would surely be able to request to see it after the event under the DPA. If it's unfair, you can again take legal action.

This sounds like the school I attended many moons ago. School motto serve & obey - says it all, and doesn't seem to have changed a bit in all those years.
Hope this is resolved in a good way for your daughter.

cutupmum - what happened in the end?

Bump

Bump again

Any luck for your dd cut?

i would contact the lea and see if they can help u, u certainly have grounds for gettin your money back at least and seein as you have paid why shouldn't she go???

the orchestra will have left yesterday so presumably she did not go

Dear all
dd did not go. no refund though I'm told the bursar will 'consider the wider picture' when he comes back form his july holiday. school still has her passport. headmistress says she (the head) will be around the day the AS levels come out to discuss dd's university prospects. Sounds ominous. I have lost the will to live actually.