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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that daughter isnt allowed on school trip

149 replies

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 16:56

daughter was booked on orchestra trip abroad to leave on sunday. she didnt attend rehearsals for two weeks because asked by school head of sixth to stay at school all evenings and lunchtimes to make up home work instead which she did in the school library. school said she could not go on the trip this monday ( ie 6 days notice. ) and she was also not allowed to attend all the last minute rehearsals this week. No refund(£695) given by school and I was told she had 'scraped' her 10 A stars (she got 100% in some papers) Daughter has been to rehersals all the rest of this year and indeed the last 11 years.
Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt angry discarded and disgusted? Daughter has apologised for not informing music of her wherabouts in the school during the two weeks . form tutor did know. any advice. head is adamant she cant go.

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/07/2010 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:18

School had written to say that if she didnt attend rehearsals after exams the attendance on the trip would be reviewed. She was then bumped off after missing one rehearsal due to an open day- exeat signed but not by music teacher. Daughter is not blameless but
had still attended many more than missed

I am distraught- so many years of rehearsals and weekends and evenings and time given up to benefit both daughter and the chool and all concerned and now such unpleasantness and distress when we needed a bit of understanding

OP posts:

snowdropz · 09/07/2010 17:18

I really think that at the very least you should have your money back - that is a tremendous amount of money.

Original poster

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:20

They are punishing her for the non communication and the non attendance at rehearsals
She had got her 10 A stars already and a governors prize

the missed homework was before AS levels

happy in herts what are you doing to get a refund and how will you repair your sons loss of reputation?

OP posts:

Lulumaam · 09/07/2010 17:22

seems she is being punished for lack of communication on her part and the heads... grossly unfair , esp to give no refund.

MaamRuby · 09/07/2010 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 09/07/2010 17:25

This is terribly unfair. Do you have access to a personal tutor who can intervene on your behalf? Have you emailed them?

Original poster

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:26

well they phoned and emailed and wrote to say she couldnt go on the trip or attend rehearsals

OP posts:

NadiaWadia · 09/07/2010 17:28

She 'scraped' 10 A *s?? What is wrong with these people?? I'd have been thrilled if my DD had achieved that.

I know your DD should really have kept the Music teacher informed, but they are really being atrociously unfair.

I would be insisting your DD went on the trip, or if not then of course a FULL refund.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 09/07/2010 17:28

That's really, really harsh. I'd go to the governors.

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:29

I was thinking that too belle. When is the trip though, how much time do you have to sort this out?

MaamRuby · 09/07/2010 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 17:29

This is really incredibly unfair.

It seems that you have had a tough time of it lately - can you not appeal to the heads better nature with extenuating circumstances.

Mind you they sound like a miserable pious bunch of bastards so don't hold your breath.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 17:31

Yes go to the governors.

Don't just sit back and let them do this, OP. It really is grossly unfair.

Like you say it is her last school trip. Poor kid.

NadiaWadia · 09/07/2010 17:31

Could you name and shame the school? Or isn't that allowed?

The Head sounds like a right twonk.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 09/07/2010 17:32

The OP said the trip leaves on Sunday.

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:32

oh I've just re-read the OP. They leave on Sunday. Very little time to sort anything other than a refund out

Original poster

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:33

I feel distressed and punished. Its not just the money.
I was looking forward to the rehearsal for parents and tea at school this afternoon and had taken time off work. she was going with a groups of girls she has known for years and has been on tour with before
I feel so embarrassed to be making a fuss and to be feeling this bad

OP posts:

happyinherts · 09/07/2010 17:33

I've had email and verbal communication with music director and explained that representing school at PE helps towards PE coursework at GCSE as well. She was on her high horse a bit saying that she demanded 100% attendance at all band rehearsals and warned them that failure to attend would mean no trip. I've paid for this over the year and we're a pretty low income family - could really do with money back.

I'm thinking of my next move - I sense she is backing down as today she congratulated son on his PE achievements and made mention on his report that his efforts in attending all things have been commendable. I'm leaving it to Monday and seeing if I get further communication and taking it from there. I think it's an idle threat to be honest, why would you stop a grade 8 musician from attending your trip = rather petty. Trip is on Wednesday - I have a very strong suspicion they will let him go

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 09/07/2010 17:35

You have no need to be embarassed, I'd be fuming and incredibly upset. Kick up a stink, I would. Is this a private school?

Original poster

cutupmum · 09/07/2010 17:37

The school could do with a trombonist they've only got one other

Yes they leave on Sunday
Happy in Herts as long as they let your son go to rehearsals he has a chance to prove his worth

They wouldnt let my daughter go to rehearsals this week or today

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:38

I feel the director of music is the driving force and the head is backing him/her up. Have you gone in and spoken in person to the director of music about this?

My thining is that she has missed 3 weeks of rehearsals just before the trip. Two weeks she was not able to attend as the school obliged her to do other activities at the time the rehearsals took place. Obviously she could not manage to do both. Then they did not allow her to attend the third week of rehearsals. They will argue she is not well enough prepared to perform with the orchestra now. How would you respond to that?

It seems unnecessarily vindicative to me tbh, I understand how you feel, however I am unsure how you can turn it around. You can try calling a governor to see if s/he is willing to intervene and try and find a solution.

However, I am afraid it is too late.

LilRedWG · 09/07/2010 17:39

Forget feeling embarrassed - stick up for your daughter. Yes she screwed up, but they are way over the top with the punishment!

Lauriefairycake · 09/07/2010 17:39

I would turn up Sunday and bluff and say the Head had agreed for her to go

If not allowed, then sue for the money.

DH is HOD and said unless you were told 'if she doesn't attend rehearsals then she can't go' then school don't have leg to stand on.

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 17:40

they are partially to blame too since the whole situation could easily have been clarified and fixed with better communication on their part.

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