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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my newborn touched by the residents of a care home?

177 replies

motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 14:13

ok,i know it sounds mean...but yestrday,whilst i was visiting my gran with my 3 dc,youngest being 7 weeks, a carer asked if she could show the baby to the residents.

i felt i had to say yes.

i watched as she walked round the room with him.

fair enough,i know everyone loves a baby,and it would brighten their day,but she was letting thm touch his face and kiss him!!yuk!

i was getting very hot and bothered and eventually she handed him back.

the thing is,i know the other day my own gran had an 'awful exprience'which involved poo,and i noticed she had some on her cardi...so god knows what they've got on their hands/clothes.

am going to say no next time and i know they'll think i'm a cow...so,aibu?

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 07/07/2010 14:14

I'm not often lost for words....

GypsyMoth · 07/07/2010 14:14

yabu

other peoples children,in fact anyone,can be dirty!!

OutOutLetItAllOut · 07/07/2010 14:14

your child.
your choice.
who cares what they think.

seeker · 07/07/2010 14:16

"I know they'll think i'm a cow" - er - there could be a reason for that!

oranges · 07/07/2010 14:16

hhmm, at seven weeks, no, i wouldnt want him passed around lots of people. maybe offer to show the baby off yourself, so you can keep hold of him? i'd be more upset at your gran having poo on her clothes though.

DuchessOfAvon · 07/07/2010 14:17

Yup. Afraid so. YABU.

He will encounter germs from all kinds of sources and he will survive. You'll cope with the fact that he'll actively seek out most of the really noxious stuff he'll come into contact with. That's kids, for you.

A baby brings a smile to all faces - why withhold that?

If you really must have some control, just take him round yourself.

ApocalypseCheese · 07/07/2010 14:18

Oh ffs

sethstarkaddersmum · 07/07/2010 14:18

yeah yabu I'm afraid.
but look, just tell the carer he doesn't like being kissed, rather than not let them see him.

ArseHolio · 07/07/2010 14:18

I work in a nursing home and wouldn't take a newborn into one full stop. The residents wouldn't bother me but some carers hsndwashing leaves a lot to ve desired.

PuppyMonkey · 07/07/2010 14:19

babies themselves have an awful lot of bad experiences with their own poo, a little more can't be too much harm.

Spidermama · 07/07/2010 14:19

I agree with oranges. I would want to know why my gran had poo on her clothes.

I do think you're being mean and ageist BUT I also understand the strong hormonal protective feelings about your newborn.

sethstarkaddersmum · 07/07/2010 14:19

oh and I agree with Oranges: 'i'd be more upset at your gran having poo on her clothes though.'

the way our culture treats the elderly is utterly, utterly horrific.

cazinski · 07/07/2010 14:19

They are old...not diseased. Sorry, you asked but YABU.

GypsyMoth · 07/07/2010 14:19

speak to the care home staff about your poor gran.....you did do that didnt you?? before you left?

Spidermama · 07/07/2010 14:23

I remember taking DD1 to see her great grandmother in a home when she was a couple of weeks old. It was the last time I ever saw my Grandmother and I was so glad I'd made the trip up to show her her first great grandchild.

I also remember having to go out of the room every time she smoked. She was a terrible addict and just couldn't help herself.

While she smoked fags I took dd next door to visit my grandmother's neighbour and I remember lingering a while because I was irritated at the smoking. I feel a bit guilty about this but only a teeny bit as my overwhelming feeling is one of great relief and happiness that I got up there to introduce my grandma to dd before she left us for good.

bluecardi · 07/07/2010 14:23

yanbu - wouldn't want my little kids handed around. When I take dd to school it's the same I don't want all the sticky fingers on her.

chenin · 07/07/2010 14:29

Well... I hope those that think this is totally OTT don't end up in a care home, nearing the end of your life and you go to your deathbed, lonely and reflecting... then you remember the beautiful little baby that you saw and touched and you have some peace and think of all the wonderful things that are going to be left behind in the world you are leaving.

It wouldn't cross my mind not to.

GypsyMoth · 07/07/2010 14:31

bluecardi....they do wash well you know...the dc and babies i mean!! the residents dont have the plague

oranges · 07/07/2010 14:34

I HATED having my newborn baby being passed around a large group. i happily hand him over to one person to hold for a while but being passed from hand to hand is distressing for a baby and mother. it made no difference how old the people doing the passing are.

bluecardi · 07/07/2010 14:34

I know - it's just been the same for me. I didn't want my dd to sit on all the other kids laps at school & get kisses from them. Of course germs are everywhere but with a newborn I felt so protective. Even now if someone sneezes in the supermarket I change direction. Silly I know.

ShinyAndNew · 07/07/2010 14:35

YABVU. About people holding the baby and about being more concerned about that than the fact that your gran had poo in her clothes ffs.

Marjee · 07/07/2010 14:36

Yanbu at all! I work in a nursing home (on maternity leave now) and I took ds to visit when he was a few weeks old but was very selective about who I would allow to touch him. Some people get poo on their hands several times a day, carers obviously keep an eye on them but they can do something when theres nobody in the room. Some people dribble or scratch themselves. Its lovely for them to see the baby but they don't need to touch.

chenin · 07/07/2010 14:36

I was very protective of my newborns... but never in this sort of context. I used to love the way someone's eyes would light up when they saw and stroked the cheek of my precious babies.

KnitterNotTwitter · 07/07/2010 14:41

YABU it was probably the high point of their day/week/month. I took my DS to see my gran when she was in a nursing home. Somehow holding him seemed to make her Alzheimer's (sp?) fall away - she was so good with him. He was also passed around a bit to those who were well/able to hold him.

On my next visit the manager told me that those ladies had talked of nothing else for days - and they don't normally have recall of the present. Plus they talked about their own children and families in a way that they hadn't before.

I feel so emotional about this - you may be a little 'freaked' but he was safe and you have no idea of the good you have done... really deep lasting goodness for people who'se lives don't have necessarily that much joy and loving human contact in them any more.

SleepyCaz · 07/07/2010 14:42

I have literally just read that as 'a baby brings a smile to all faeces'. Roffle, sorry.

But YAB a bit U.

Your Gran having 'poo' on her clothes should be a concern too though. If it is a 'care' home, are they doing their job properly, allowing their residents to be in that sort of a state?