to not want my newborn touched by the residents of a care home?

[motherbeyond]

ok,i know it sounds mean...but yestrday,whilst i was visiting my gran with my 3 dc,youngest being 7 weeks, a carer asked if she could show the baby to the residents.

i felt i had to say yes.

i watched as she walked round the room with him.

fair enough,i know everyone loves a baby,and it would brighten their day,but she was letting thm touch his face and kiss him!!yuk!

i was getting very hot and bothered and eventually she handed him back.

the thing is,i know the other day my own gran had an 'awful exprience'which involved poo,and i noticed she had some on her cardi...so god knows what they've got on their hands/clothes.

am going to say no next time and i know they'll think i'm a cow...so,aibu?

Stealhpolarbear - been through the doors of quite a few in my time yes.

Agree with boffinmum and oldmum42 - UNBU. Have done a lot of goodling on germs: my DS ended up in intensive care at 4 months having caught a germ that to most healthy adults would have just been a bad cold. Newborns are more vulnerable than older children and adults, its just a fact. Though actually older people would probably be less likely to pass on germs than say a group of toddlers, having had so long to build up their immunity. I used to be taken to 'cheer up' residents in an old peoples home with my class as a young primary school child: much better at that age than a newborn. Agree that the aged should be valued more but newborns need to be protected.

Googling not goodling..honestly...

Personally I would not be happy about DD being taken round a room and kissed by loads of random people, whatever their age, health or cleanliness - I see it as being incredibly disrespectful, she is a person not a doll. So no, YANBU.

It must be a troll-I hope! I have seen a lot of posts along the lines 'how dare dirty strangers touch my baby' but this is just plain mean!
I am not at all surprised that the British are accused of not being child friendly. It all has to be on the mother's terms-love my baby but do not touch! In countries that have a reputation for being child loving have it because they are child loving on their terms-not the mothers.
If the baby doesn't like it the baby will let them know-loud and clear.
It is a very little thing and gives a lot of happiness.
In a country like Italy I doubt very much whether anyone would stop an old lady touching a baby! Next time take the baby around yourself and then you can talk to them and do it your way.

awww poor old folk - they never get to see youngsters...

I might be a bit twitchy but think of all the good

I woudn't take a baby in to an emi unit at all it wouldn't be safe.

Fwiw, It's not that I think old people are especially germy, they are not. It is the staff IME who carry the bacteria around, our uniforms get worn stripping wet beds and changing dirty pads, not to mention changing dressings on infected and seeping wounds and bedsores. At work on Monday night I was spat at by a lady woud would think is quite lovely and another of my gentlemen likes nothing more than hocking up a great greeny and spitting it anywhere he can not to mention the nose picking and bogie smearing and other things I wont tell you about because it'll put you off your tea.

A couple of months ago the whole home got norovirus and i've had scabies twice, I like to think I'm on the ball with handwashing and aprons etc. Noro could undoubably kill a newborn

People in general can be dirty, it isn't just old people although I work with people who will do just about anything to evade a wash and with staff who will do just about anything to get out of giving one.

It might well be nice for the old ladies to see a baby.. not so nice for the baby though.

The big mistake was to let the care assistant take the baby-if you had taken her around yourself you could have held her at a distance-had a kind word and they would all have been happy!

Theres a bit of a difference pisces between one old lady in a shop (which I have never objected to) and a room full of people living in a residential home with various stages of dementia.

Especially when you consider the frequent cdt outbreaks, the D&V epidemics. Oh and has anyone mentioned the ones who wrap their faeces up in a handbag.

But what do those of us that work in these areas know. Except that very few of us would let a nb be passed around.

Don't know if YABU or not, but this thread has actually made me cry

YABU and a bit wierd tbh. However, I would be concerned about the poo issue for the sake of the residents.

YANBU although the way you word your title comes out badly I think. Many care homes have problems with "superbugs" and infections, I have been a volunteer visitor. I would not let a 7 week old be passed around in one. Don't worry about being assertive next time and saying what you want.

YANBU
I let my Nan hold my baby, but she doesn't look safe, she looks like she's about to drop her! But i feel so bad because that's the only love/ happiness in her life.. BUT it's grim that she's not clean...(she was in her day!)
and it all seems like a waste of time, when 2 minutes later, she acts like i've only just come into the room, and asks me who i am / the baby is/ where i live etc... it's so sad.

I HATE it that complete strangers (always seem to be older people) think it's acceptable to 'touch' my babies! I don't know where their hands have been... and its a little person who deserves some respect! It really annoys me, because these random people wouldn't come up to me and touch my hands/ face etc. What really shocks me, is when NORMAL NICE looking people (who could be one of my friends mums / or even mums friends) do it!

ds1 got mrsa from, I suspect, his great grandad in a nursing home. admittedly he is immunosuppressed. I didn't hand round dd to all and sundry to be on the safe side though. she went on a tour with me, in her car seat, and that's where she stayed. everyone loved seeing her. no touching involved.

I think that's the best way...

sandander,don't,you'll set me off!

poshsinglemum how can you say i'm weird when anyone who actually has any experience working in a home,confirms any worries i had?

the bottom line is my gran was covered in poo,didn't want to tell anyone,and still wanted to hold my baby.

how many others did this?

i was also concerned about the carers uniform,but thought i was being ott on that..now after 'hearing' what arseholio has to say,i will be taking a deep breath,and saying no...i know she will think i'm a bitch,she always asks to hold him.
i just assumed if she thought there was a risk she wouldn't ask...obviously not the case

YANBU.

At only 7 weeks don't go looking for trouble.

Standards of hygiene in many NH leave a lot to be desired - this one sounds like no exception.

In 6 months time your dc will be crawling round licking the pram wheels etc but for now (little, vulnerable and soon dehydrated in the event that he picked up a tummy upset) follow your instincts and protect him.

It's not a show and tell, the old folk can admire and coo without touching.

Didn't read all the replies.
I would hate if that was my baby. Ok, he will encounter germs of all sorts but why expose unnecessarily? You wouldn't pass him round on a train for everyone to kiss and touch so why do that in care home????

I know a baby brings smiles to old people's faces, bla bla but sorry, a baby is not a toy.

So no YANBU.

You are def not BU - went to see a member of family the other day in home - on the way out we had to mention to carer that the quiet old chap in the corner had decided to take down his trousers.So sometimes hand washing just doesn't come into it.

I don't believe for a minute this is a 'British' thing. I see Mexican and Asian families here and their babies are swaddled to an inch of their lives, strapped into strollers and hidden under layers of blankets and umbrellas. You can't get near enough to see them let alone kiss them.

Haven't had time to read everyone's replies, so sorry if I'm repeating anything that's been said already!
I worked in a care home as a domestic, until four weeks ago, and I wouldn't take a stray dog into a home, let along a newborn baby. The place I worked at was filthy, there was supposed to be 3 cleaners, but due to the greedy profit driven company I worked for, there was only one- ME, I had five hours a day to clean 42 bedrooms with on-suites, plus all the public areas, even my boss knew it couldn't be done, and she told me to 'do what I can'.
The residents where lovely, and I miss them all dearly, if I had a big enough house I would take them all to live with me.
The poo on cardigan you mentioned is not an unusual site in a care home, the place I worked at was hugely under-staffed, and the residents would often be left sitting in their own shit for hours on end.
I used to go home crying from what I witnessed in that place, the residents would often come to me with their problems, as a cleaner they didn't see me as an 'authority' figure, and it used to break my heart.
YANBU I don't blame you, however it's not the residents fault that they may have germs, it's due to the poor care giving in these places.

OP YANBU. There is a reason why mums instinctively feel that a situation is potentially dangerour for their baby, and this is many tens of thousands of years of evolution. If mothers didn't have this very natural instinct, we wouldn't be here as a species!
A care-home is a place where some people are ill, some people are not clean (for no fault of their own), germs are passed around by visitors, staff and residents. I wouldn't let a newborn baby be passed around and touched/kissed, sorry but baby comes first.
And let's not forget that lactation specialists advice against passing baby around to too many people as baby needs mummy and mummy's smell for succesful breastfeeding.

I totally get the fact that a baby would have made the residents' day brighter, but your instinct is there for a reason.

I also work in a care home and have done so for 22yrs, when my first granddaughter was born ten years ago I took her into the home but didn?t take her out of her pram, I walked around lounges in the home and let our residents see her THAT was ten years ago.
Two years ago when my second granddaughter was born I refused to take her into my work and she has never been it yet, WHY ....... ten years ago we didn?t know about MRSA and how infectious it is.
Ten years ago the home I worked in was clean, I?m sorry to say that now it is not clean, I am a care assistant and have openly contacted RQI/Social Council about the standards that I work in, WHAT was the outcome to that NOTHING/IGNORED.
We constantly work understaffed or with untrained staff (this is a health service home not private)
I think it is about time managers of homes were made accountable (I know they are suppose to be anyway) for the environment and cleanliness our elderly are living in.
After all, they pay a very large price to be looked after and to live in clean surroundings, I would not hesitate to complain if it was my mother/grandmother who was living in a home like the one I work in but there is only so much one can do when other?s do very little.
Quite a while ago both a colleague and I played knots and crosses on dust in a unit, dated it and left it, it was there for months and months SAY?S a lot for domestic staff who are suppose to clean .
SO NO I would not be taking any baby of my daughters or mine into a home even if my grandmother was in it, I would rather bring my family member to see the baby on her own.

fin54- I don't think it's fair blaming the domestic staff for the dust, unless of course there is a sufficient ratio of domestics in your care home, as in my case, it was not my fault there was not enough domestics to get everything done. When we were appropriately staffed in domestic terms, everything was done to a high standered, evry room got deep cleaned once a week. However, when the other two domestics left, they weren't replaced, therefor I had to take on there dutys as well as my own, with no extra time to carry them out. My own health suffered as a result, and that is why I had to leave and find another job. I dread to think what kind of a state that place is in now, as one of my friends who still works there has told me they haven't replaced me yet either, there getting the carers to give the toilets a quick wipe when their getting the residents up in the morning!!!

IveStillGotIt sorry but in this case it is the domestic?s fault, they bring in their own washing etc and nothing is said or done about it, I witnessed a lollypop sitting on a table for over a week in of all places the front entrance.
I refuse to do a domestic?s job when they have time to wash their own things, I work dam hard while on night duty with usually 42 clients who have dementia/Alzheimer?s/palliative care/Parkinson?s/and general old age, while I am on duty with one other care assistant and a senoir care who is sleeping but on call .