to not want my newborn touched by the residents of a care home?

[motherbeyond]

ok,i know it sounds mean...but yestrday,whilst i was visiting my gran with my 3 dc,youngest being 7 weeks, a carer asked if she could show the baby to the residents.

i felt i had to say yes.

i watched as she walked round the room with him.

fair enough,i know everyone loves a baby,and it would brighten their day,but she was letting thm touch his face and kiss him!!yuk!

i was getting very hot and bothered and eventually she handed him back.

the thing is,i know the other day my own gran had an 'awful exprience'which involved poo,and i noticed she had some on her cardi...so god knows what they've got on their hands/clothes.

am going to say no next time and i know they'll think i'm a cow...so,aibu?

I think the OP does come across as a bit mean BUT

I am a really laid back , experienced mum but when my babies are that young I turn into a bit of a neurotic. It doesnt last very long but it always suprises me just how didgy I get.

I wouldnt bat an eyelid at a 4mth old being passed around but I think I would be very fidgity about a 7 week old.

BUT I would look back on myself later and think that IWBU.

calling her pathetic then trying to argue the toss. FWIW that does count as a personal attack.

Interesting how most of the people who have experience of dementia care homes say the OP INBU!

really thefirst? even knowing what you do about the poo/bum scratching/hepatitis?

I am not arguing the toss, just responding to the OP

I think so. When you are 'there' with a teeny baby everything seems so dangerous. But with hindsight its not really is it?

Yes there are risks but babies are a weird mixture of incredible vunerable and amazingly tough.

If someone was coughing or had obvious signs of infection I wouldnt allow close contact. Despite being sympathetic towards the older person the baby's health would have to come first. I dont think that is being precious, just sensible.

Like I wouldnt take a child with chickenpox into a care home with loads of vunerable older people.

When my children were about 8 weeks old, I took them back to Italy to see my family.

This included a visit to my grandma, who was in a nursing home. To be honest it never crossed my mind to not want anyone to hold/kiss/play with the baby. And there were many believe me!!! )

It was a very special place, very clean and welcoming and to me the older people there where just like any other people iyswim.

It sounds to me that where your grandma is might not feel very clean to you and that's why you are being protective.

fine. I can't dictate what you post but calling someone pathetic, then "oh you must be new" thing when you're pulled up on it comes across as a bit nasty IMO. I just don't think there's any need.

emy it really is clean there -well,it appears to be anyway.
i think it's just the hygeine of individual residents i worried about..the hand-washing inparticular.
and now im worried about th carer's uniform!!

i'm going to have to just say no and feel really mean.and i bet they'll talk about what a cow i am in the staff room!

kerry would you have just said no out right then?...i wanted to say no,but actually smiled and went,"ok"

biggreenbin no,i'm not new!i'm well aware of aibu's rep..but i think when it's a delicate subject people respond appropriately and don't just think,oh fuck it they posted in aibu so i'll go for the jugular!

Jeez, YANBU at all.

You can't see MRSA, C. diff... as Kerrymum says, even cold sore virus can be lethal in a newborn.

Smile sweetly and say 'Maybe when he's a bit bigger'?

Yeah, you don't have to grab him to your chest, shrieking... just say something vague like, "Oh, I think he's a bit tired" or "I think he needs a feed soon"

Then you can always walk around and talk to the residents as you want.

Our DS contracted whooping cough at 7 weeks from an older person who had a cough 'that just wouldn't go away'. I was then told after diagnosis and a terrible time in hospital that it was commonly carried in the throats of older folk with a cough that wouldn't shift! We are inoculated whilst young when we are most vulnerable but this immunity only lasts 5yrs in most people plus there are several different strains!So no, I don't think you were unreasonable to be worried.

motherbeyond I'm just back from taking my 10 month old DD to see my Nan in her care home.

Exactly the same thing happened to me a few months ago. One of the nurses whipped DD into the rest room.

It's a good nursing home, and Nan is kept well. But Nan is fastidious, still, and despite short term memory issues, is still there.

You ask her though - not everyone is. And though I can't fault the staff, the loo 3 times out of 4 has shit smeared on the bowl. Old age is messy and undignified.

BUT I wonder of those people parading around on their high horses, how often they see their own grandmothers? Motherbeyond's grandmother gets a visit every day. She takes her baby in despite her qualms. That's love.

The care home that my Grandma was in (she is in hospital recovering from a stroke and will be moved to a specialist dementia home soon) was clean.

Having said that, I always take her to wash her hands when I visit because I once found her with a big poo wrapped up in her handbag that she had fished out of the loo. She had tried to flush it down before she went... yes, it wasn't even hers!

I always trim her nails too because they can get filthy. The home is clean but because of her dementia, she sometimes isn't.

thankyou longtalljosie

i once went to visit my nanny ( with my baby ) and she kept scratching her leg...

when I looked she was scratching poo

I went into her en suite thing and found somme 'washed' knickers on the towel rail...

Broke my heart - she was a stickler for cleanliness in her day

Told the lady and they cleaned her. Felt ashamed I was not up to cleaning her myself

How about

"He's been a bit unsettled today so I'll just hold him"

It doesn't matter if they talk about you in the staff room but if they did and this thread is anything to go by half the staff would probably feel the same.

i do think this particular carer will b insulted...she asked if i wanted him back at one stage (i think i had my hands on my cheeks in an alarmed fashion!)and i still muttered "no it's fine" (people pleaser)

and i think i will have to be truthful,rather than uswe the 'bit unsettled' excuse...as i go so often i couldn't say it every time!

ooh difficult one

i know....bugger.
it's tough as well,cos you can tell she really cares about the residents,and she would think i'm depriving them of a bit of joy in their (probably otherwise)mundane day

post-pregnancy hormones

OR....common sense?

Motherbeyond, when my grandfather was in a nursing home he had his own one-bedroomed apartment with a view of the Alps and his own TV. If he wanted a bit of company, he could go down to the double height conservatory restaurant and order coffee and cake for himself, or attend a range of talks, therapies or classes. There was a hydrotherapy pool for residents with mobility problems. When he got very frail and needed nursing, the equivalent of an SRN looked after him in his own apartment. Family visits took place in people's own apartments, not in the public gaze, unless people wanted to be in the main area.

What I am saying is that if the residents of an old people's home are so cooped up and bored that they have to slobber over a little baby of a complete stranger as their only proper entertainment that week, then something is going very, very wrong.

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