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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my newborn touched by the residents of a care home?

177 replies

motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 14:13

ok,i know it sounds mean...but yestrday,whilst i was visiting my gran with my 3 dc,youngest being 7 weeks, a carer asked if she could show the baby to the residents.

i felt i had to say yes.

i watched as she walked round the room with him.

fair enough,i know everyone loves a baby,and it would brighten their day,but she was letting thm touch his face and kiss him!!yuk!

i was getting very hot and bothered and eventually she handed him back.

the thing is,i know the other day my own gran had an 'awful exprience'which involved poo,and i noticed she had some on her cardi...so god knows what they've got on their hands/clothes.

am going to say no next time and i know they'll think i'm a cow...so,aibu?

OP posts:
cluedupiamnot · 07/07/2010 14:44

YABVU I really dont understand people who dont want their babies being touched. I really dont.

You touch things, you touch them, you pass germs on. Also, if you have other DCs they'll be full of germs.

sethstarkaddersmum · 07/07/2010 14:44

lovely post Knitternottwitter.

cluedupiamnot · 07/07/2010 14:45

Oh hang on, your gran had poo on her cardi and your biggest concern was your dc? Poor woman.

Original poster
motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 14:46

to those who were worried about my lovely gran..don't be,it's a lovely place (like a hotel!)and she had just been embarrased to tell someone she'd had an accident in her room.
she begged me not to tell anyone
but of course i had to...i pretended i needed the loo and grabbed a carer,she sent a team to clean the room and we worked out a way for her to 'notice' the cardi and remove it without distressing gran.thanks for the concern though she is cherished and we make sure she is visited every day.

for those who though i was bu...gran also had poo on her wrists,and smelt quite strongly (they assured me she'd be helped to bathe once we'd left)but as arseholio said, she works in a care home and hand washing is not great.
would you want someone's pooey hands rubbing your face?!!

i understand many don't get visitors and it's lovely for them to see a baby and toddlers etc..and of course i'm not bloody ageist!!!!
i wouldn't want anyone of any age with crap on their hands touching my nb!!
sticky fingers?fine.
snot?fine
dirt?fine. (i have other dc's aged 2 and 4,who touch him constantly)
poo?
not fine!!

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/07/2010 14:46

I agree with Knitter

oranges - that's not my experience - my babies, and I I were not distressed by being handed around, not at 7 weeks.

It is natural for the OP to worry a bit, but honestly, I don't think any harm can really come of it. If it helps, then you do the showing

diddl · 07/07/2010 14:47

"YABU it was probably the high point of their day/week/month."-that´s so true, and so sad.

I remember when my Grandad wasvery ill in hospital, the only person who really made his face light up was my young niece.

bluecardi · 07/07/2010 14:47

think you have more an issue with the care home than with feeling protective of your little one.

cluedupiamnot · 07/07/2010 14:48

But your question was AIBU to not want my newborn touched by the residents of a care home?

Not

AIBU to not want people with poo on their hands not to touch my dc?

Youd have had totally different answers. The problem there wasnt that the other residents were touching dc was it, the problem was your gran having had an accident, the other residents had no relevance unless theyre all covered in poo which in a plce like a hotel I doubt.

thumbwitch · 07/07/2010 14:50

I think YABU yes. And what KNitterNotTwitter said is what I feel. Babies are such a joy - you've allowed these ladies that joy for a short time, with no detriment to your DS.

I am glad you said yes and that you felt you wished you hadn't.

ShinyAndNew · 07/07/2010 14:50

And your other two dc have never touched poo and survived?

Yes I would be fine with it. Also just because your gran had an accident doesn't mean the rest of the residents were covered in poo. I'b be highly concerned if they did.

A fair few toddlers have eaten poo in their time and managed to survive to adulthood just fine.

Berrie · 07/07/2010 14:50

You are being too hard on OP. Lots of people feel like this about their precious newborns rightly or wrongly.

cluedupiamnot · 07/07/2010 14:51

berrie wrongly- so not being too harsh.

PosieParker · 07/07/2010 14:51

I hate people kissing my children, something very primal comes over me when it happens and it takes all of my strength to not say anything.

I think what you felt is perfectly normal and very common. And although rationally we all know nothing bad could come from someone kissing a baby's cheek it still feels icky.

Berrie · 07/07/2010 14:54

Didn't say it wasn't wrong just that I remember that things feel different when you have a newborn to protect.

VintageGardenia · 07/07/2010 14:55

We will all be sitting around the dayroom one day wishing we knew how to turn the darts match off the television, feeling the humiliation of not being able to look after oneself, and longing for a baby's cheering presence.

TBH - and I do appreciate the waves of protective feeling over a newborn baby - I don't think a slightly grubby hand stroking a cheek is particularly dangerous, nor a slightly drooly kiss. I'd have to say I don't think it sounds as if your baby was at risk in any way so YABU imo.

saltyseadog · 07/07/2010 14:57

Sorry but YAVU.

Meeting your dc probably made the day/ week/ month of some of those elderly people. One day you too will be old OP, and would I am sure be very upset if you were told that you couldn't touch someone's baby as you were a) old and in a care home and/or b) because you were old and in a care home you might have poo on your hands.

GloriaSmut · 07/07/2010 15:00

If you had asked whether you wanted your baby embraced by a poo-covered grandparent then I'd have agreed that perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas. But you didn't, did you?

Incidentally, I agree, wholeheartedly, with KnitterNotTwitter. DS1 had a similar effect on some of the residents of my grandmother's care home.

Original poster
motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 15:14

knitternottwitter i agree,that's a lovely post.
i still can't help the way i feel though.
yes,they may have perfectly clean hands,but the fact that my grans were dirty just made me think it's highly likely some of the others have it on themselves too.

i go to this particular care home a few times a week.
all the residents/staff know my family and thir names,so it's not like they never see the baby.
i greet those i walk past in the dayrooms,and if they shout hello,i'll turn th baby to them and wave his hand.

i just didn't like being put on the spot were i felt i was in a lose lose situation!

the same lady then came back and asked if she could take my (just turned 4)dd around and again i said yes and kickd myself for being a people pleaser.
i know the residents freak her out,and i've told her the only person she has to kiss is my gran,and she just has to wave to the othrers.
thn i let a strange woman cart her round so people can kiss her.she was upset by it and i felt awful for saying yes

OP posts:
Original poster
motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 15:18

and shinyandnew im sure it was their own poo...other peoples poo is a different matter

OP posts:
colditz · 07/07/2010 15:21

YANBU. But then, YABU.

And I sat this because although I know that care homes can be some of the least hygienic places in the world, I would balance up the cost benefit risk.

I have seen women who haven't looked away from the TV screen all day simply animate at the appearance of a baby. All of a suddne, they know nursery rhymes you never heard, they are whipping expensive gold bangles off to hand over "for teething, love", they are ferreting in their purses because silver is lucky, they are peering for teeth to see if he's old enough for biscuits, and ALL of those who have ever had children will tell you more information in that hour than they have ever told you before, and actually, MUCH of it is useful. ("When their top lip goes a bit bluey, it's wind, love. Hold him up and tip him around a bit. He might be sick but he'll feel better")

So no, YANBU because of the germs, but oh if you only knew the pleasure it brings to a dying life.

BigGreenBin · 07/07/2010 15:21

OP you are pathetic

What deadly illness has your baby been diagnosed with since yesterday?

colditz · 07/07/2010 15:26

BigGreenBin - since working in nursing homes I have been exposed to MRSA, Shingles, and Hepatitus B. Not to mention Norovirus, Cellulitus, Boils, Scabies and head lice.

If you are ignorant, it's best not to critisise.

BigGreenBin · 07/07/2010 15:28

I too am a nurse, of 25 years, thank you!

Original poster
motherbeyond · 07/07/2010 15:29

thankyou coditz
i think out of the two,id prefer to be pathetic rather than ignorant biggreenbin

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 07/07/2010 15:31

"We will all be sitting around the dayroom one day wishing we knew how to turn the darts match off the television, feeling the humiliation of not being able to look after oneself, and longing for a baby's cheering presence.
"

Too true.

OP - I understand that you are protective of your baby, but bloody hell these people are human albeit living a dehumanised life.

Seeing and touching a baby probably meant the world to them.

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