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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

nursery for babies

326 replies

clarinetplayer · 06/07/2010 10:05

to tell my sister that she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life if she sends her aged six months to nursery 5 days a week from 8am until 6pm. This is longer than a school day. My sister got very offended when I suggested that being looked after as part of a cohort of 8 babies by three carers was not ideal for her seven month old daughter. She doesn't need to work full time but loves her job and is worried that if she goes pt she'll miss out on promotion. Is it unreasonable to think that now she's a mum she should put her daughter's needs first?

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 06/07/2010 10:08

yabu

butt out

3 to 8 is an excellent ratio. Yes, one-to-one is better for the under 2's but 3 to 8 is still great.

Lulumaam · 06/07/2010 10:08

YABU

how dare you even think of saying such a thing to your sister?

so what she does not need to work!! if she goes p/t or stays off, she might really hinder her chances of progression and that is relevant.. bills still need ot be paid and women are allowed to be ambitious

are you considering telling her DH he is going to miss out on all the milestones too!

do you have children of your own?

if so, you should know the hard juggling act that goes on for every family

LadyintheRadiator · 06/07/2010 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

porcamiseria · 06/07/2010 10:10

you are NOT being supportive here

altough I do tend to agree somewhat, you are really not helping her with this!!!!

what about her DH? why should only she sacrifice her career?

diamondsandtiaras · 06/07/2010 10:12

I agree with you and i would never do it, but you were U to have said that to your sister IMO......it's her decision and none of your business.

Vallhala · 06/07/2010 10:13

We are not all cut out to be the perfect housewife and mother. Some of us would go mad have a far less satisfying and happy relationship with our children if we were with them all the time and consider that it's the quality of the time spent which is important, not the quantity. For some of us our career is part of our identity and our sense of pride and self worth and a joy too.

Funny how nobody ever makes the sort of comment you have about fathers who work, isn't it?

TBH I'm not surprised that your sister was offended. I would have been too.

5DollarShake · 06/07/2010 10:13

It's not something I would do, but bloody hell!!

Butt out. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

runnybottom · 06/07/2010 10:14

1/10. If you are looking for material do a search, theres nothing new on this one.

Jog on.

Lynli · 06/07/2010 10:17

If I was making a decision for myself then I would 100% agree with you. But it is her decision. Nothing to do with anyone else.

Personally I think a nanny would be better, one to one and has a better bond with the child. The child is at home.

archstanton · 06/07/2010 10:19

YABU. It is none of your business. Just because she's a mum does not mean she should give up her life.

At 6mths, your niece will settle very well, much better than she would at 1yr.

Yreally are BU. And I say this as a mum who stayed at home for many years because I couldn't leave mine. Your sister has obviously made the decision that's right for her family.

minipie · 06/07/2010 10:21

YABU

What about parents who have 3+ kids? Their 3rd babies don't get one to one either.

And anyway, as has been said, it's nowt to do with you.

pumperspumpkin · 06/07/2010 10:28

Surely a wind up?

YANBU to think it privately, YABU to say it. Your poor sister.

Morloth · 06/07/2010 10:32

Depends, will you say the same thing to your BIL?

How come it is always up to the Mum?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/07/2010 10:32

YABU to say it. Has she considered a childminder?

TimeForANewWan · 06/07/2010 10:37

YABVU in many countries maternity leave is nowhere near as generous as it is here (US 6 weeks for example) and babies there have to be looked after by an alternative caregiver. A mother has every right to work and you have no right to interfere.

Your sister has every right to be furious with you sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

SloanyPony · 06/07/2010 10:41

YABU

MarthaQuest · 06/07/2010 10:46

Yanbu to think it ( and I agree)

Yabu to say it .

Cazzy1 · 06/07/2010 10:54

YABVU. Your sister may not have to work ft, but instead chooses to. Just because you wouldn't choose the same, doesn't give you the right to judge her. I'm not surprised she was offended.

Actually, your post has made me quite angry:

'she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life'

What a way to make women who have no choice about leaving their babies feel totally crap. V judgement. Your sister is very lucky to have a choice and good luck to her.

Would you make the same comment to the child's father?

Cazzy1 · 06/07/2010 10:55

YABVU. Your sister may not have to work ft, but instead chooses to. Just because you wouldn't choose the same, doesn't give you the right to judge her. I'm not surprised she was offended.

Actually, your post has made me quite angry:

'she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life'

What a way to make women who have no choice about leaving their babies feel totally crap. V judgement. Your sister is very lucky to have a choice and good luck to her.

Would you make the same comment to the child's father?

firsttimemum77 · 06/07/2010 10:56

YABUUU - none of your business!

PosieParker · 06/07/2010 10:57

Actually if it's your sister you can say what you like.

My sister and I can say anything to eachother and if I had views on what she was doing with her children I would voice them, that's what families are for.

(I've heard and seen too many crying babies at nursery to ever contemplate it)

FioFio · 06/07/2010 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PosieParker · 06/07/2010 11:01

Perhaps some other posters are as close to their siblings that they could say this.

Paranoid1stTimer · 06/07/2010 11:01

I can't believe this is for real

Cazzy1 · 06/07/2010 11:02

So annoyed I posted it twice! Sorry!