nursery for babies

[clarinetplayer]

to tell my sister that she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life if she sends her aged six months to nursery 5 days a week from 8am until 6pm. This is longer than a school day. My sister got very offended when I suggested that being looked after as part of a cohort of 8 babies by three carers was not ideal for her seven month old daughter. She doesn't need to work full time but loves her job and is worried that if she goes pt she'll miss out on promotion. Is it unreasonable to think that now she's a mum she should put her daughter's needs first?

But just how responsive can a nursery worker who is working in say a team of say 4 be to 12 babies, and not necessarily the same 12 babies every day ?

'I could tell people that the worst behaved children I come across are generally from families where there is some sort of grief going on at home, violent parents, parents at war with each other, PND afflicted single mums, drug addicted/alcohol dependent parents, parents who think the type of buggy they push is more important than talking to their child, singing to them etc etc. See, lots of really awful vile stereotypes to trot out aren't there. Have you got any more you'd like to flog us working mums with ? '

OK well I don't know any of that kind of family (with the exception of your last eaxnple), for the children from families you describe nursery is the lesser of 2 evils.However ,I didn't get the impression that the OP's sister fell into those catagories.

omg, you are being unreasonable
just read the op, but that's terrible

I have observed very competent nursery workers being very loving and very attached to babies they care for. I can credit these women with a lot of professionalism, experience, organisational skills, love, and integrity.

I have met even young and quite inexperienced but definitely committed ones who I really really admire and have become to trust as I would trust family.

They learn the quirks of each child even when over a week they may see 26 different babies just like myself as a classroom teacher learn the quirks of a lot of my students in no time.

Then their children move into another room or out of nursery they genuinely miss them.

I will be staying at home with ours (due in a few weeks) because I believe it will work best for us. I have a highly successful career that I love, but not so much that I can't see the benefits to the approach that we have chosen, and feel that I will be a good 'role model' for our daughter regardless of which path I/we choose.

However, that is not to say that my route is the right one for everyone...neither is 'right' or 'wrong'.

YABU - My baby will go into a Creche when it is about 8 months while I go back to work. What's right for you isn't right for other people.

This subject has been debated very recently here and here and here

you shold butt out of her business.

Thanks, sitdownpleasegeorge.

Agree with everything you said. Saved me a lot of typing too!

I am a SAHM because I always wanted to be one, now, if my sister had told me to be one because I do not need to work and it would be better for my Dcs I would have told her where to go.

YABU

When it comes to other peoples childcare I have learned in my few years as a parent you just never never comment. And I speak as a SAHP made to feel inadequate being the only one staying at home in my ante natal group and not sending my baby to a nursery where she would learn to "socialise", speak French and do baby yoga .

Sunny, I'm sure lots of children do have fun at nursery (but babies?? ) But I think it would be wrong to give children the idea that life is one long round of fun. Children need to experience the wonder of mundane, everyday life with someone who cares about them more than anything else on the planet.

my children get a lot of mundane at home.

sitdownpleasegeorge - agree entirely. My 'that's your opinion' was directed at meandmykid - not you!

My toddler spent the morning watching me accidentally smash milk bottles and clearing up the resultant mess [very clumsy today]. Bet you dont get that a nursery

YANBU to think this... everyone has a different opinion, based on their own personality and needs, their own situation, what worked for them, their own childhood etc etc.

However YAB very U to have said that to your sister (unless, of course, you discussed it with her in a totally different way to the way your post suggests - e.g. if you siad "fair enough but this is what I chose and why - I will support you whatever you chioose"). Its up to your sister who has the right to choose whatever she wishes in this sitution.

katiestar, all children in nursery have a key-worker assigned to them. why comment on something you know so little about.

I think the OP must be DM journo doing research.

Iheart: "Children need to experience the wonder of mundane, everyday life with someone who cares about them more than anything else on the planet."

So nursery going children don't feel cared for or get to experience 'mundane' home life? I have never found a nursery that opens 24/7, 7 days a week.

The home environment and nursery environment are different. Each has its pros and cons. The best situation IMO is to have a mix, so the child gets a variety of experiences and different adults to relate to.

I can relate to that as I enjoy combining my work and home life. If I had to do one exclusively, I suspect I would get jaded and quite frankly bored.

Nursery going children get to experience both fun at nursery and slobbing out at home. The only difference is the degree. I never felt I know my dcs any less because they went to ft nursery. They also picked up more experiences with other children and carers they could share with me - made for a much richer life, together with their having the benefit of seeing their parents have a life in paid employment outside the home.

Granted babies like the OP's sister's don't need the socialisation element, I find that the baby stage is so short. By one year old, I can already see the benefits of a nursery for my dcs. Naturally that depends on the personality of the child. I have rather sociable dcs, but compared to their friends, I don't think they are unusual.

FT nursery is much maligned. I find that the ft-ers settle in much better into the routine and have firm friends amongst the other ft-ers, are well known to all the carers, so enjoy their nursery experience so a lot more than a child that only attends for a few hours a few days a week.

'katiestar, all children in nursery have a key-worker assigned to them. why comment on something you know so little about'

I know that the keyworker is their 'named' worker but in practice all the staff care for all the children.Do you think they can leave one baby to cry because its keyworker is changing another of her charges nappies?

'FT nursery is much maligned. I find that the ft-ers settle in much better into the routine and have firm friends amongst the other ft-ers, are well known to all the carers'
which actually means
'In their bid to form an attachment they turn to other children-who of course are not equipped to give it.

Oh and babies under one make firm friendships do they??!

Katie, at one year old, my dcs like to be around other children. Even if they don't play together, they happily play alongside and forget to fuss because of so much going on.

Quite a different story at home if I am trying to do housework/admin and they are vying for my attention. It is nice for them to have a mix.

Wonder why you have such a vested interest in dissing nursery. I think you are attachment-fixated.

I spent a lot of time in the babyroom settling my dcs in. It was for hours and hours - the nursery insisted. So I had a good look at the goings-on warts and all.

I saw very little crying. The ones who did tended to be the newbies settling in, which is why the nursery had an 8-week settling in period. Once the babies got into the routine, they crawled around, played with toys, doing what babies do.

The scenario about leaving one baby to cry whilst having to change another's nappy must happen, but not as much as you think.

It also happens at home with a parent looking after more than one child, so I don't know what the concern is.

Oh FGS! Why do people always feel the need to make a judgement on other people's parenting choices? It's ridiculous. Focus on your own children, never mind worrying about what anybody else is doing.

I've been a SAHM for 3 years. In September DD is going to nursery and to be quite frank I can't bloody wait! I don't blame people for wanting a bit of a separate life from their children.

OP it's none of your business what your sister decides to do. I do think that those kind of hours are a little bit long for a six month old, but each to their own.

Well said wanderingsheep!

People always get like this about parenting, don't they?! Just think about what people are like over the whole breastfeed/bottle feed thing. Seriously!

Lets all just muddle through as best we can as we each see fit, shall we!

As adults, are we able to distinguish which of our friends, colleagues etc went to nursery/had a SAHM, or were BF/bottlefed, or ate frozen pizzas/ate homegrown veg every day etc? No!!

"Do you think they can leave one baby to cry because its keyworker is changing another of her charges nappies?" - well prsumably SAHM with twins, triplets, three under three (like my sister had) manage 24/7, why shouldn't a nursery carer manage it for more limited hours and with colleagues for support.

Please don't use the "attachment" issues argument - its facile in this situation. My son spent the first year of his life in an institution with rotating carers who did 24 hours on, three days off and usually 2 carers to about 12 children ie he was "raised" by about 8 differnt carers who then changed every six months as he moved into older rooms. I know about attachment issues and have had to deal with them myself in real life. I have never met a child in the UK who spent even 10 hrs a day at a nursery who appeared to have any attachment issues at all, the only children I've met in the UK with attachment issues were as a result of extremely neglectful parenting.

The ridiculous trotting out of "attachment" when nursery care is mentioned to try and prove that nursery care is the spawn of the devil.

Well despite care significantly worse care for the first year than the home/nursery combo talked about here, my 4 year old son is now a happy settled well attached and pleasant child, because actually his care was kind and relatively stable and he was well treated. Decent nursery provision being derided as bad for a child is so laughable - when did we become so precious about wht constituted decent child care?

My friends are a combination of SAHM, WOHM using nursery provision and a childminder, part-time workers and one who works from home (or shirk from home as she likes to call it). You couldn't pick out the well balanced, well attached child of the SAHM from a line out of all the others. Because they aren't significantly different.

'Please don't use the "attachment" issues argument - its facile in this situation'

But attachment is the most important thing of all for babies.

Blueshoes-you haven't read my post properly .I didn't say they would leave a baby to cry ,I said that a nursery nurse other than keyworker would deal with it.