to have said this? I've been told it was.

[Rosieeo]

We attended the wedding of a friend yesterday. It was lovely, but there was a little incident that has annoyed me and I want some perspective.

DS is 16 months now and is at the 'must look at and then touch everything ... and then I may break it' stage, so I spend most of my time following him around to make sure he doesn't break it.

The wedding was at a hotel with lovely gardens, complete with beer-garden type tables. People were lovely, adorable to DS and DD, who I (of course) think are pretty adorable too.

DS trotted over to a group of women in their mid to late twenties and did the rounds. I knew one of them and was saying hello when one of the women sneered 'Please don't let him touch me, this is a new dress'. She seemed really unpleasant so I led DS away to the other side of the table and said something along the lines of 'Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor' to the acquaintance.

The 'don't touch me woman' piped up 'Thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or will have children'.

Arg! The boy may be busy and sticky but he is fantastic! I said 'Maybe that's the best thing for everyone', said goodbye to acquaintance and walked off with DS.

Later on that night, acquaintance cornered me in the toilet and told me that 'don't touch me' woman had been in tears all night and was devastated that I'd implied that she would not be a good mother.

Now I feel guilty as hell. Was IBU?

she is entitled to her opinion but to say that your child was a reason not to have children is downright nasty.

you were very restrained. i would have said the same.

YANBU

YABU. She wasn't commenting particularly on your DS, just that life with a toddler sounded a bit grim.

YANBU. She was rude and bitchy to you first; I think you were entitled to a comeback. Her comments were much more overtly rude than yours.

I guess you could've decided to rise above it and say nothing but tbh I'd have been tempted to say something too.

I don't really understand why people think you were rude to say you spend your time stoppng your DC eating stuff off the floor? It's not as if you said you had to stop him touching the skirts of over-precious guests, so I don't think you were being rude, TBH. It sounds to me like you were trying to lighten the moment a littleb by saying what hard work it was.

I think it is hard. We all think our DC are the bees knees are there are folk out there who come over with the collywobbles if a child comes near ( a very dear, childess friend of mine was like this with babies). However, her comment was unnecessarily rude and abrupt, and I think she is a bit odd to tell you she didnt want kids etc and to then be sobbing all night.

To play devil's advocate though, you know nothing of her circs. Maybe she had just had a m/c or found out it was unlikely she'd conceive naturally etc etc.

Oof, missed your 'maybe that's best' retort. But given what she said to you, I would've thought the same, but probably not said it...

If it were me, I would have said something along the lines of:

"this is a child you are talking about, there is no need to be so rude about him, your comments are really hurtful ...".

I would then have scooped up my son and walked off, avoiding the noxious woman for the rest of the day.

I am quite convinced that what goes around, comes around without any interference or return nastiness. That's not to say that I would've kept quiet but I would have made my point without resorting to nastiness.

I don't understand how the other woman was rude to her DS?

Ha! I think you're both as bad as each other.!

Gerontius - referring to her child as another reason why she won't have children is pretty rude.

No?

IMO the woman with a dress was an attention-seeker and you probably could never have won.

The "this is why I will never have children" comment is very "look at me, look at me" without considering how her comments will have affected you.

I once had a runin with a similar woman, who told me I was too tall ever to have a husband who would stay faithful to me. I replied (in a v measured way) that I found that rather offensive.

She freaked, stormed out of the restaurant (it was someone's birthday), rang the birthday boy a day later demanding to know why he hadn't stuck up for her, and I had to suffer the indignity later of one of the attendees saying it was six of one and half a dozen of the other! Some people are just self-obsessed and their tongue writes cheques their fragile ego can't cash

Josie, she thought you were out of order? That's hilarious (although prob didn't seem that way at the time, I guess). What is wrong with people?

YANBU. Maybe a bit harsh but she set herself up for it. thanks for the laugh - good comeback.

I think it's one of those changing verb thing isn't it? (can't remember proper term - too early in the morning)

I am right
You are wrong
She is a bitch
They've got it in for me

conjugating verbs?

yanbu OP, that woman was an attention seeking moo. simples

I think you are wonderful. Can I hire you for weddings round here OP?

Chances are that woman would have found something to cry in the loos about anyway. She sounds like a really unpleasant person. One thing to say something snide to another adult but if your children had understood her tone or her remark they could have been really upset!

Good retort from Pad - a response that tells her in no uncertain terms how rude and hurtful she was rather than being rude yourself.
When someone has been rude about dd before I used "that was completely uncalled for and quite nasty - I hope you're proud of yourself" then turning to dd, "that is an example of how never to speak to anyone"

I don't think YWBU in the circumstances though as it was a very spur of the moment thing and it would have made my blood boil too!

Very mixed response - hope it's helped!
I think your response was totally understandable given her sneery attitude - and she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.

I agree with everyone who thinks she is an attention-seeker - having just said she never wants to be a mother, having demonstrated that she finds small DC quite revolting, WHY would she then be upset that you effectively agreed with her? Except for attention purposes, of course.

YANBU - I think she was quite rude - I can understand her worrying about her dress, but the way she said it was a bit blunt. Maybe she was just playing to the crowd a bit, but the remark about not having kids was confrontational, and I think it's natural that you retorted something. I would have done.

I didn't think she was referring to the OP's child specifically, more to the thought of having to spend weddings chasing a toddler around stopping them eating things off the floor? As that is what the OP had said? At no point did she insult the OP's son.

YABU - her comment wasn't a direct insult to you or your DC, your comment was.

YANBU to feel offended about her comment, however I suspect (as others have said) that she was referring to children in general and not your DC specifically.

Sometimes people can make negative comments about having children in order to cover up their insecurities about the possibility of never having them. She might really want to start a family, but not be in a position to do so or might be aware of some reason why she can't have children.

My point is that yes, she was rude and hurtful and you have every right to be upset about it. However, there may be reasons for what she said (not that she should have said it) which you aren't aware of.

YANBU You were just agreeing with her!

she's an attention seeker why would she be 'devastated' over the opinion of someone she met for two minutes.YANBU but probably better not to say anything as you can't win with someone like that..