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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said this? I've been told it was.

268 replies

Rosieeo · 04/07/2010 18:17

We attended the wedding of a friend yesterday. It was lovely, but there was a little incident that has annoyed me and I want some perspective.

DS is 16 months now and is at the 'must look at and then touch everything ... and then I may break it' stage, so I spend most of my time following him around to make sure he doesn't break it.

The wedding was at a hotel with lovely gardens, complete with beer-garden type tables. People were lovely, adorable to DS and DD, who I (of course) think are pretty adorable too.

DS trotted over to a group of women in their mid to late twenties and did the rounds. I knew one of them and was saying hello when one of the women sneered 'Please don't let him touch me, this is a new dress'. She seemed really unpleasant so I led DS away to the other side of the table and said something along the lines of 'Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor' to the acquaintance.

The 'don't touch me woman' piped up 'Thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or will have children'.

Arg! The boy may be busy and sticky but he is fantastic! I said 'Maybe that's the best thing for everyone', said goodbye to acquaintance and walked off with DS.

Later on that night, acquaintance cornered me in the toilet and told me that 'don't touch me' woman had been in tears all night and was devastated that I'd implied that she would not be a good mother.

Now I feel guilty as hell. Was IBU?

OP posts:
Lovecat · 04/07/2010 20:56

YADNBU - what a rude cow, and if she can't take it she shouldn't dish it out. Well done OP for being so quick thinking!

As for the crying in the toilet - well, she was exposed before her mates as the rude dick that she is by your comeback, so no wonder she was upset - tears of self-pity no doubt!

PMSL @ thesecondcoming 'your comment was fucking rude' - Pot? Kettle?

funkychunkymunky · 04/07/2010 21:01

I've been trying to think how I wopuld hav e reacted if a sticky fiongered toddler approached me at a wedding. TBH I think if he had tried to touch me I would have taken hold of his hands, to preserve my dress, and I would have spoken to him/played with him/tickled him/directed him back at you depending on if I knew you/child/friend etc etc. I wouldn't have made a big deal and if you had seen me take hold of his fast approaching sticky fingers I'm sure you would have said something to him/me by way of apology/explanation/jokey etc. I would have brushed it off as kids will be kids and if you had made a joke I would have joked back. I would never have been so precious about my dress and I wouldn't have said what she said.

Therefore, YANBU, and I wish I could think of comebacks as well as you.

Oh and it doesn't matter how much you follow him round and try to stop him; he will ALWAYS be quicker than you when up to mischief. My 8 month old DD can crawl at the speed of light when she sees something she knows she shouldn't touch...

whiteflame · 04/07/2010 21:01

YANBU, great retort!

Don't understand why some people think you should have just ignored her and walked off. Then she gets away with being rude & nasty to you and your son, and probably others down the line. In no way is doing nothing taking the high ground - it's taking the easy ground!

She needed to know that her comments hurt too!

deepdarkwood · 04/07/2010 21:06

Was she really that rude? Imagine somehow had said to you (prekids) "at weddings (you know, those things where you get dressed up, get pissed, have a lovely meal and a nice carefree dance) how would you like to spend all day wandering around stopping a small child eat discarded stuff off the floor" How would you have responded? After all, her comment was about your occupation rather than about your son. However lovely kids are, I would rather be sitting around with my mates enjoying a drink and a gossip than chasing a toddler around a china and silk shop

Saying that someone should never have kids is a bit of a hardcore response, whatever the provocation.

PrivetDancer · 04/07/2010 21:16

Haha excellent comeback! And you were only agreeing with her so she's really no grounds to complain.
Yadnbu

PictureThis · 04/07/2010 21:16

No you weren't BU. Let me get this straight. You were not having the 'stopping toddler eating off floor' convo with her but with someone else. She had no reason to make that comment other than to be bitchy and make you feel uncomfortable. Unluckily for her you didn't just slink away feeling embarrassed but gave it right back to her. Good for you.

Needanewname · 04/07/2010 21:18

DDW if she had said to the woman 'how would you like to spend all day wandering around stopping a small child eat discarded stuff off the floor' then her reply would not have been quite so wrong, however the OP didn't, she ignore the comment re not letting the child touch the dress and commented to her friend, something along the lines of 'Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor' there was absolutely no need for the bitchy comment, no need at all, I think the OP did well to come back with what she did, not rude at all

DuelingFanjo · 04/07/2010 21:19

she started it IMO.
You wouldn't have said anything had she not been so rude.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 04/07/2010 21:24

As much as I love my kids, I'd rather be sat drinking fizzy wine and enjoying the party on a sunny afternoon than trying to stop DS suck on discarded fag butts () and sit in the muck! However, I was joking about the eating stuff off the floor and I tried to keep it light-hearted.

PictureThis you're right, I moved DS away from 'don't touch me' woman and said to the woman I knew 'this is what I do nowadays' as I knew her pre-marriage/babies. The 'don't touch' woman was still in ear shot though, and directed her 'thanks for' comment at me.

OP posts:
CoupleofKooks · 04/07/2010 21:24

you took your CHILD to a WEDDING???

YABU

xstitch · 04/07/2010 21:29

YANBU, if she had left it asking for him not to touch her then you would have been unreasonable. The second comment the other woman made was un-necessarily rude and she deserved the come back. Wish I was that quick.

SalFresco · 04/07/2010 21:33

YANBU

She was probably crying because she was embarassed that, for once, someone had given back what she normally dishes out!! And then said it was because you implied she'd be a crap mum to cover her humiliation and win sympathy. YANBU

lovely74 · 04/07/2010 21:46

I'm trying to think how I would have been pre-DS as I am not a kiddy person at all, if a little boy had come running towards me sticky-handed.....

Of course YANBU!

No I would not have wanted handprints on my new dress, and I may have made that comment after you'd gone to friends but not in any seriousness, but to say it purposefully in earshot was done deliberately to put you down and she deserves everything she got.

OP did you stand up for yourself with your aquaintance ie well she made the comment, how did she expect me to react? If I was you yes I would feel bad but then I am one of life's saps who hates people thinking bad of me, doesn't mean I should feel bad though.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 04/07/2010 21:53

lovely it was a bit awkward really. I only know the acquaintance through an old friend and haven't seen her in a few years. It was a total coincidence that she was there.

She wasn't stroppy about it, just said something along the lines of 'Wow, soandso's been weeping and wailing all night after you said she shouldn't have kids', so I get the impression that they're not close friends. I was still engaged in the all important job of children-chasing (DD, long dress and toilet scenario), so just said 'Hmm, that's a bit daft, is she always so nasty?' She just rolled her eyes and we had to say our goodbyes again.

OP posts:
whippybamboo · 04/07/2010 21:56

YANBU....I wish that I couldv'e thought up such a clever response on the spot. I kind of think she was asking for it with her unnecessary comments and demeanour

Needanewname · 04/07/2010 21:56

Well there you go, that says it all really. Finally somebodys stood up to her and she didn;t like it.

Good for you, I usualy come up with great answers like yours much later on!

UndomesticHousewife · 04/07/2010 22:08

I don't want my own kids putting their sticky hands over my lovely new clothes let alone someone elses child, but I would never have said that to someone.
Very strange remarks to be making to someone you don't actually know.

If you felt she was being being rude then YANBU for making a remark back.
Why is it that some people think they can say what they want but get pissy when something similar is said back to them.

echt · 04/07/2010 22:19

YANBU - you were only agreeing with what she said about herself. Open mouth. Insert foot.

Numberfour · 04/07/2010 22:22

i only read the posts as far as Reasonabledoubt: she summed it up perfectly.

YWDNBU.

Don't lose a moment's sleep over it.

PS Well done on a bloody good retort

auntpolly · 04/07/2010 22:31

YANBU and well done. I would have walked away, come up with a witty retort 10 mins later and thought "shit, wish I'd said that"...

Seems a bit much to cry over it. It was probably more to do with the free bar than anything you said.

clam · 04/07/2010 22:33

"you said she shouldn't have kids?"
No you didn't! She said that, or words to that effect. You just agreed with her.
YANBU.

How are the stats building up here? I reckon the YANBUs are winning.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 04/07/2010 22:41

It doesn't matter if you were unreasonable or not, it was a good line.

lovely74 · 04/07/2010 22:42

OP I'm glad your aquaintance rolled her eyes, that means yes she is always that nasty and she has to put up with her. So, not your problem. She's just a bitch!

BeerTricksPotter · 04/07/2010 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lionstar · 04/07/2010 22:47

I think YABU a little. I remember what I was like pre-kids - completely in the dark. I think your remark was a bit underhand and snippy and unnecessary, however blithe she was.