to have said this? I've been told it was.

[Rosieeo]

We attended the wedding of a friend yesterday. It was lovely, but there was a little incident that has annoyed me and I want some perspective.

DS is 16 months now and is at the 'must look at and then touch everything ... and then I may break it' stage, so I spend most of my time following him around to make sure he doesn't break it.

The wedding was at a hotel with lovely gardens, complete with beer-garden type tables. People were lovely, adorable to DS and DD, who I (of course) think are pretty adorable too.

DS trotted over to a group of women in their mid to late twenties and did the rounds. I knew one of them and was saying hello when one of the women sneered 'Please don't let him touch me, this is a new dress'. She seemed really unpleasant so I led DS away to the other side of the table and said something along the lines of 'Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor' to the acquaintance.

The 'don't touch me woman' piped up 'Thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or will have children'.

Arg! The boy may be busy and sticky but he is fantastic! I said 'Maybe that's the best thing for everyone', said goodbye to acquaintance and walked off with DS.

Later on that night, acquaintance cornered me in the toilet and told me that 'don't touch me' woman had been in tears all night and was devastated that I'd implied that she would not be a good mother.

Now I feel guilty as hell. Was IBU?

YANBU and I'm impressed with your retort - she deserved it. I do think it may be true that she was protesting too much, and really does want DCs, and hence the upset but that doesn't excuse being bloody rude. And even though you did shoot one back you were nowhere near as vicious as her. And you were in control of your DS anyway so she had no reason to be like that. Possibly understandable if he had actually ruined her dress - but he hadn't.

Haven't read every post but I never ever wanted kids at all but wouldn't have dreamt of saying what she said to you about her dress. If I had been that bothered I would have politely moved out of the way and muttered disgust to myself - not to the parent in question! (unless they were being very irresponsible maybe) Plus always avoided them whenever possible - even though I have worked with them all of my life! I hate irresponsible parents who think everyone thinks their kids are "adorable" and so leave them to it - but you were following him round FFS!!

Plus if she happily says "thanks for giving me another reason not to have kids" - why is she so upset anyway? She doesn't know you so why would she care what you think? Plus flip the coin - you could have taken her comments as suggesting your child was yacky and horrible and implying that YOU weren't a good mother.

Sounds like a drama queen to me I'd forget all about it if I were you, pah!

At least she wouldn't be concerned with her dress anymore...all that blubbing would've knackered her make up! She sounds a prize prat and deserved a little snipe.

She's one of those bolshy women who speak their mind not thinking anyone will answer back. Insecure creatures who wail at the slightest thing.

Good retort ! And much deserved.

Honestly, don't give her another thought- she sounds like a rude idiot. You didn't say anything wrong in my opinion!

I think yabu. Your response was out of proportion to her jibe. Telling a woman it's better all round that she doesn't have children = big ouch, no matter the provocation.

I think the same thing whenever on here you get the witch-hunters saying "I feel sorry for your kids". Very below the belt.

it is all very well being the nice one and walking away - but then this person would/may go away and do it again and again - maybe this time she will think about the words that come out of her mouth when she is rude to parents about not wanting children after seeing their children - telling someone they are rude doesn't really have the same effect at curbing someones mean remarks, often a dose of their own medicne is a much better cure

Not liking her dress smeared (as who would) is no excuse for the rude remark she gave- it would have been a perfectly natural reaction for you to have burst into tears at this stage. Instead, you kept your wits about you and beat her at her own game- tough!

You were both rude, but she started it. Her comment about the dress was brusque but fine; your comment about your day was addressed conversationally to your friend/acquaintance, but "Thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or will have children" was definitely rude -- it might not be to a friend in the right tone of voice, but addressed to a complete stranger it definitely is.

Yes, in an ideal world you wouldn't have retaliated, but I agree that if she can't take it she shouldn't dish it out.

I can improve on her bitchy comment if you like.

Sorry to give information in dribs and drabs...

DS didn't get the chance to touch anyone at all. Lots of silk plus uncontrollable toddler is enough to make me very nervous!

Regarding the martyr comment - I can see why you'd think that. It was meant to be self-deprecating in a subtly humourous way. Maybe I missed with that one.

I had no time for kids either, before I had them. I've always had relativity good manners though and can forgive one comment but the second one just stuck for some reason.

Would have sounded a bit mad as a comeback to "Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor", which is what the OP actually said...

i think she asked for it im afraid. she could have easily upset you just as much with the "thanks for giving me another reason i will never want or have children" remark. if she is so sensitive that when you retorted she cried all night then she should learn to keep her mouth shut imo.

YANBU.

YANBU. If you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen. If you make a snidey remark you are likely to get one right back...

YABU. You should have just walked away and ignored the poisonous woman, and not lowered yourself!

YANBU. Its clear to me you did not let your toddler inflict damage. I can just imagine them standing there going "ewww ewww ewww" like a bevvy of wannabe Paris Hiltons. A simple "awww bless" whilst tiptoeing away if you weren't moving fast enough would have sufficed. She needn't have got personal - she may as well have told you your baby was ugly by the sounds of it!

I fail to see why she should be bothered unless she was desperate to have kids one day - in which case, if nothing else, she's a liar.

Assuming your context is accurate and you are not witholding any important info, YANBU.

I'm dying to try out the response of 'wow, for a minute I thought you were actually being quite rude by saying xxx, but perhaps you didn't mean it like that...?' Maybe that would have worked here - pointing out that you felt she was being rude (and in public! quite satisfying) but giving her the chance to respond.

Or perhaps that wouldn't have worked either.

YANBU

AT ALL

She was horrid, deliberately and unnecessarily. If she never want nor intends to have children, why does she care whether you (random stranger) thinks she won't be a good parent?

Good retort yanbu, but to say He is fantastic does sound very pfb He is fantastic to you but def not to everyone !

Can I just add a bit about women who say they are child free by choice being generally awful about children and even worse, mothers of children.

In my life, before I myself had kids or kids on the pipeline, so no axe to grind, witnessed women being scathing and pouring scorn on women with kids from anything to what they are wearing to how much they must have a bucket chuff ("you can practically hear it squelching and queefing as she walks along") etc.

Its a vile, ugly, and dreadfully unsisterly act.

I dont think everyone should be a pram peeker - but if you sound bitter and full of scorn, people are going to be uncharitable in return, and make assumptions about your fertility or your lack of opportunity that may or may not be there.

YANBU. Whatever her age or if she had a hidden agenda, if it's ok for her to make comments, it's ok for you to make them back.

For all she knew you'd spent years trying to conceive your son, she didn't give it a second thought. A simple shuffle round away from your son would have done the job.

Your response was the sort of thing I'd come up with.......once I'd got home! Well done I say

Excuse me, I think you'll find he is fantastic! I didn't say it out loud.

I know the damage toddlers can inflict, and I was really trying to keep a close eye on him.

Maybe I should have taken the higher ground, but I really dislike people who say whatever they bloody well like and never get told off.

You sound like you did everything right to me, you were keeping an eye on him, she actually didn't get anything on her dress - you couldn't have done any more. Yet she carried on.

The woman was showing off, playing up the young free and single thing to her friends by the sound of it. And if she was upset by a stranger vaguely suggesting she shouldn't have children then she's a prat.