to have said this? I've been told it was.

[Rosieeo]

We attended the wedding of a friend yesterday. It was lovely, but there was a little incident that has annoyed me and I want some perspective.

DS is 16 months now and is at the 'must look at and then touch everything ... and then I may break it' stage, so I spend most of my time following him around to make sure he doesn't break it.

The wedding was at a hotel with lovely gardens, complete with beer-garden type tables. People were lovely, adorable to DS and DD, who I (of course) think are pretty adorable too.

DS trotted over to a group of women in their mid to late twenties and did the rounds. I knew one of them and was saying hello when one of the women sneered 'Please don't let him touch me, this is a new dress'. She seemed really unpleasant so I led DS away to the other side of the table and said something along the lines of 'Well, this is what I spend weddings doing nowadays, stopping toddlers from eating things off of the floor' to the acquaintance.

The 'don't touch me woman' piped up 'Thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or will have children'.

Arg! The boy may be busy and sticky but he is fantastic! I said 'Maybe that's the best thing for everyone', said goodbye to acquaintance and walked off with DS.

Later on that night, acquaintance cornered me in the toilet and told me that 'don't touch me' woman had been in tears all night and was devastated that I'd implied that she would not be a good mother.

Now I feel guilty as hell. Was IBU?

YANBU but you were both pretty bitchy! Of course I wouldn't want some stranger's toddler touching my new dress either (presuming I was there without DS, in which case my concern would be futile anyway) but I would not say it in such a bitchy way. I would probably laugh and dodge him and say 'oh no you don't, this is new!' in a jokey way. I also think she was very rude to say that about not wanting children. It was a slight on yours whichever way you look at it. If it was said in a jokey way then fine, but she didn't seem to mean it as a joke!

I probably would have kept my mouth shut but hey. She was oversensitive and made a fuss when she started it!

YANBU. Nice comeback.

Of course yanbu and to all those who suggested that not everyone will love your children, they;re quite right, but from what you said you weren't allowing him to run riot, you were following him around to make sure he didn;t touch and/or break everything in sight.

But she was very rude in her originaly comment and I thought your initial repy was good humoured, for her to say 'thanks for giving me another reason why I will never want or have children' was plain nasty, what were you supoosed to have said or done, smiled sweetly, no why should you, you didn;t make a scene or embarras anyone, it was a good answer and if she was upset then she has only herself to blame.

And if it was a front to cover the fact that she hasn't been able to conceive yet, then she needs to find a different coping strategy. I'm probably going to get flamed for this but she can't expect to get away with being rude and obnoxious just because she has so far been unable to conceive, there are thousands of other women out there who are desperately trying to get pregant, they're not all like that.

I had a terrible pregnancy with DD2 because I had to pretend to not be pregnant in case I upset another member of staff who had been trying for a baby. It has probably affected the first couple of years of her life due to the lack of bonding but thats a hole other thread!

OP do not feel guilty, she should be embarrased that she was so rude to you.

Sounds like you started with the snippy comments. You were both being rude.

well done op.
junglist. who let you back?

YABU - she was talking about toddlers in general and in no way offended your son. She said 'please' wtf to not wanting her dress stained, ffs! She didn't say 'your son puts me off having kids for life'. She was a childless woman generalizing about toddler stickiness. She gave that air of rudeness, which would annoy me too. But really, that's it. She did nothing to deserve your bitchy comment. You were almost PFB about it.

As has already been said, these sort of exchanges are all about the tone and how things were meant.

Perhaps she was just trying (not very sucessfully, I agree) to be witty rather than having a go at you and your child? If that was the case, I can see why she was upset by your response.

Of course, she may well have been being bitchy, but even so, it's all a bit it for tat, isn't it?

Perhaps more dignified simply to have led your son away rather than engage in a sniping match with her?

i was that woman 7 years ago. Never round young children/toddlers or babies and to be the honest the thought of going out with banana in my hair horrified me.
Then I met my husband and had two beautiful little girls.

yanbu- but she may have not been sincere in her comments infact I can probably definitely say she was probably being 'miss independent, who needs a man, roses round the garden fence or kids- i'm super all on my own' but really feeling very sad inside!

No YANBU.

All she had to do was move out of his way, she didn't have to say anything at all, but she actually made two quite mean comments. She dished it out and got some in return.

Crying all night? Boo Hoo, bet it wasn't even about that, just pissed and attention seeking.

hey junglist what did you do? I keep seeing people ask how you got back in!

I let myself back on a new email address! When they clock I'll be deleted again but never mind. Will just get another email address when I want to come back

I was banned over a massive row on a dog thread which was pulled

ohh I see

YANBU.

Fair enough for her to worry about her dress.

But her 'That's why I never want children' comment is thoroughly unpleasant and nasty. You were perfectly reasonable to reply as you did.

Well - was your DS touching all the other women's dresses and did he have sticky fingers - I feel this is relevant

If he was just exploring - then fine. However if he was smearing chocolatey fingers over cream dresses - then not so fine.

In my 20's I certainly didn't find toddlers endearing I'm afraid.

Seems odd though for someone else to comment on it unless you were really very mean.

OP 1, Budget Bridget 0.

Don't hate the player etc etc...

YANBU. and if she can dish it out then she better damn well learn to take it.

i had a friend like this once. she was a complete bloody drama queen and said horrible things all the time, but if anyone dared say anything back to her shed cry and sob and say she 'just so insecure'
oh right, because that makes bitchy remarks acceptable.

In an ideal world, OP might have simply left it at "Did you mean to sound so rude?", and yes 2 wrongs don't make a right, but It pisses me off that it's OK to excuse/allow someone's rudeness for reasons of their possible sensitivity - we are all sensitive, we are all anxious, we have all had bad experiences, but we aren't all rude.

You were both BU. She was giving a bitchy response to your matyrish comment and you were bitchy back. I don't for a second believe she should have been upset about it. She sounds like a high maintenence drama queen. Not your finest hour but it would have been difficult to say anything nice or even neutral and you had to get in with something before she started with the people are so dull once they have children comments.

YANBU and well done for a quick, witty comeback.

What a cow. She had it coming.

Why say such a thing and then get upset when someone implies you won't be a good mother, I mea, what's it to you if you don't want to be, anyhow?

I wouldn't feel at all guilty.

I agree with most posters. YANBU. If you can't take it don't dish it out.

FWIW I don't like other people's children, but I tolerate them and I certainly wouldn't speak to anyone like that. Although that could be because my children are a reason not to have children. I am thinking of hiring them out to unruly teenagers as a form of contraceptive Five minutes with my monsters and they'd be 30 before they dared to have sex again.

Maybe not the politest of things to say, but very funny and appropriaet!

YANBU.