to not like being told the truth by my DH

[onsabbatical]

I bought a new dress at the weekend. I was shopping with my 13 year old DD and she said I looked beautiful in a rose print dress from Hobbs. I put it on to go to a World Cup BBQ at a friend's house on Sunday and asked DH if he liked it. I felt great in it.

He said that it put 10kg on me and that it was fine if I wanted to look fat. I am 8 stone but only 5ft 2 so can be swamped in unfitted shapes. AIBU to wish he had just said I looked great even if he secretly thought it was unflattering?

It's too late to take it back as I had cut out the labels already but I don't think I will ever have the heart to wear it even though both my DD's (the other is 16) say I looks lovely in it.

When I was in my thirties, I let DH buy all my clothes as I got sick of taking back ones that I bought for myself because he didn't like them. BTW he is very generous and buys me much more expensive outfits than I would buy myself but somehow I want to choose! AIBU or should I be grateful that I have such an honest DH with great taste?

Yes, perhaps he is a little too truthful in other ways too. I would really appreciate some tips on how to change the dynamics - he also tells me how I could cook better, clean more efficiently and is always sending back his shirts for re-ironing (but that's not just me - he does that whoever irons them). Sigh, he honestly thinks he is being helpful giving me tips but I can't help getting rather deflated by them. I would love a compliment instead! Can he be trained? ;-)

my DP sort of suggested that I looked a bit pg in a dress I bought....I really liked it tho!...

So I said anyone who knows us , knows I'm not pg, and I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.. including you!!!

Trained? Yes, one of those things for dogs that emit electric shocks might be good.

You let your husband buy all your clothes for you because he didn't like anything you chose??

I might accept some occasional constructive criticism or an opinion, but that much interst would be waaaay too stifling for me.

Dh would rather watch paint dry than come shopping with me which suits me fine. He isn't overly intersted in clothes though. I do find it hard to fathom when I see men out clothes shopping with women. I guess it's just not something that features with us. I think I'd hate it.

does he cook, clean or iron?

I trust my DPs opinion on whether or not something looks good on me, but choosing all my clothes telling me I looked fat (and I'm not 8st!)?

That's just not on.

Erm perhaps he could iron his own shirts?

It has nothing whatsoever to do with the dress or the print or your weight or your height or anything resembling the truth - it has to do with his desire to make you feel crap about yourself. And he's not giving you helpful tips - he's insulting your skills and deliberately knocking your self-esteem.

You need to think about why that is - does he lack self-esteem himself, and so feels the need to drag you down, or is he just a controlling tosser?

xpost

My Dad is like this with my Mum - likes to tell her how to do things better. My Mum just rolls her eyes and ignores. Ultimately he would still rather not do the jobs himself. It's now a bit of a running joke.

I'm guessing he is a terrible cook and rarely cleans.

Although if he EVER said his shirts weren't ironed properly she would make him do them himself! I hope you don't re iron them for him!!!

He sounds like a perfectionist which is fine but if he wnts his standards to be met he needs to do it himself.

hear hear Hassled

He always sends his shirts back to be re-ironed?!

Blimey that's be a dangerous course of action to take chez BendyBob.

Trust your daughters over your DH.

And trust yourself! if you like it, you wear it!

Can't quite believe you interpret this nasty, meanspirited, controlling put down, as honesty from a generous dh!
You loved it, your dd's loved it... I bet you looked great!
Your dh didn't like it because he was threatened by how fab you looked probably, so he gave you a verbal punch to put you back where you belong.
Sorry to be so blunt, but that's exactly how I see it.

He' not truthful - what he's offering is an opinion, not a fact. He's rude and insensitive. If you feel great in the dress, I bet you look great in it, saying what he did just as you were leaving was a deliberate attempt to undermine your confidence.

He's also been rude to your DD who helped you choose your outfit. Ignore him, and wear what makes you feel good.

My DH complained about the way his shirt was ironed in our first month of marriage (high standards having been trained to iron in the forces) I haven't ironed a shirt since (almost 20 years)

at the shirts thing. Send them all back with great big triangular burns down the back and then tell him to go out and buy himself a load more if he's that bloody fond of choosing clothes.

My DH doesn't like the way I iron his work shirts or trousers, I admit, I have better things to do.

He does his own.

There's nothing worse to knock your confidence than someone constantly giving you 'advice' on how you should be doing it, of course the way they do it.

My FIL does it all the time, I don't let DH get away with it and tell him to mind his own or do it himself.

Please post a pic of the dress; it sounds lovely (am at buying stuff from Hobbs!)

Just seen you second post..I bet you feel deflated.
He sounds like a total horror!
Do you still love him, want to be with him?
If yes, can you start sticking up for yourself more? have you tried laughing off his complaints?
What do your dd's think of his opinions?

If your 16 year old siad it looked good on you then it probably did. He probably just didn't like it. You are 8 stone and 5ft 2 whichi is great and you could not look fat. Just wear it.

Training him is simple. Don't cook. Don't clean. Don't iron. And don't give in on any of the above until he starts being a bit more bloody appreciative.

My DH once told me it was my 'job' to wash DS's clothes. I threw the linen basket down the stairs in response (it's a big heavy wooden number). Mind you, I was sleep deprived at the time.. but he never said anything so bloody stupid again.

I'm really sorry, but I don't think your DH is a very nice man.

onsabbatical This is really sad. It sounds like he puts you down at every opportunity - everything you do is wrong. I know this is going to sound a bit strong, but that is actually a form of verbal/emotional abuse.

Even if he did think he was being helpful, how long have you been married? Surely you have heard all of his "tips" by now - why can't he accept that you just do things your own way. It sounds like a lack of respect for you as a person.

"When I was in my thirties, I let DH buy all my clothes as I got sick of taking back ones that I bought for myself because he didn't like them"

Why are you with this controlling prick?

I've just sen your second post. Your Dh does not seem very nice and also seems like a control freak, If he keeps complaining about the way you do things then just tell him to do them himself. Although I'm not very good at ironing my DH would never ask me to do it again.