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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a tad suspicious?

214 replies

tortoisehellOstrich · 27/06/2010 12:16

DP has "gone hiking in a national park with a colleague for the weekend" after a conference. The national park is rather remote, and the accommodation apparently doesn't have wifi. So I accepted that there would be no contact from Friday morning until they returned to the airport Monday night.

Except Google's wondrous data-dribbling abilities have just informed me (via a GPS-driven automatic facebook update of the colleague) that the colleague returned to London on Friday.

I was already a bit about the lack of wifi meaning no contact because of mega-expensive overseas data download costs, since surely a computer geek and his colleague know how to stop their googlephones automatically syncing diaries etc when they turn the phone on to send a text?

Email and text haven't been answered. DP's phone is clearly in the USA.

i guess I should resist temptation to ring up the colleague and ask what the hell is going on?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/06/2010 20:32

He is hiking with the colleague you have already spoken to and who you know is not there?

Sorry, but he's cheating, imo.

dinopiratesruleok · 27/06/2010 20:33

Doesn't sound good have faced similar, a colleague atually saw my ex in a place he was not meant to be, I mentioned it (had previous suspicions but like many ignored/ was shouted down) he went mad acused her/ me of paranoia etc, I said I suprised myself as was calm and said I couldn't go on like this and thought we should 'take a break' he then did a 360 admitted it all. It is hard if you have experienced this before not to wonder and there could be an innocent explanation but if not he is now aware you are on to him and will no doubt have a cover story in place.
Regarding his colleague I don't know if I would aproach, depends if you know them and they are likely to just back him up, not likely they will turn around and admit whatever is going on.
I hope you are ok it is not a good situation to be in even if all was innocent.

traceybath · 27/06/2010 20:33

You see I would just have to text back 'saying funny - I spoke to your colleague earlier . . .'.

Did you have any other suspicions?

Rarebear · 27/06/2010 20:33

you should ring colleague now!

BootyMum · 27/06/2010 20:37

Oh dear. I have my heart in my mouth waiting for further updates. I really feel for you but hoping it is all innocent... Doesn't look good though.

clam · 27/06/2010 20:44

Well, at least it looks like his colleague hasn't been able to get hold of him to warn him. So it'll be interesting to see how he talks himself out of this one...
You know he's lying now. Forewarned is fore-armed.
Still hope we're wrong, though. Have there been any signs up 'til now that things aren't right?

Dinkytinky · 27/06/2010 20:46

Do you have any joint accounts? You could call the bank and ask for the most recent transactions to work out his whereabouts?they will tell you where the transactions were made too (spar in Brixton) or whatever.

I think it's mega disrespectful since you have dc too, what if something happened???
I really hope it works out ok for you

GlendaTheGrizzlyPiggy · 27/06/2010 20:48

Sorry x post. It doesn't sound good does it .

Rarebear · 27/06/2010 20:52

I've just thought of something...what if the facebook locator thing is a load of bollocks, and colleage only hung up as he knew it would cost him megabucks to answer the call, or was cut off as no credit? Bit of a shot in the dark but may be credible?

AvrilHeytch · 27/06/2010 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thesecondcoming · 27/06/2010 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tortoisehellOstrich · 27/06/2010 22:23

Rarebear: it's possible that you are right, though am not sure how the GPS-driven thing would then indicate colleague is in London.

The argument that DP is lying, hangs only on the contradiction between DP's story (colleague is with him in Maine) and his colleague's facebook update (automatically generated by a GPS app on his phone) saying he is in London.

I don't know if the colleague's phone is in the UK or USA - he just said "hello" when he answered.

I know DP's phone is still in the USA because his telco is un the USA as well as the UK, and the "this phone is not currently available" message is different from normal (and is the USA one).

If I ring the colleague at work tomorrow (on a landline), i'll know DP is lying. If someone else answers the phone and says colleague isn't back fmor the USA til tomorrow, then I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Or something....

OP posts:
BusyMissIzzy · 27/06/2010 22:32

Is the FB app definitely GPS-driven? My DH used to use one that he just entered trips into manually, and sometimes it would then be wrong if he subsequently changed his plans.

Hope this all turns out to have an innocent explanation x

Original poster
tortoisehellOstrich · 27/06/2010 22:39

Yes - it's definitely GPS-driven. have discussed its inner workings at great length with the colleague.....

OP posts:
AvrilHeytch · 27/06/2010 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

clam · 27/06/2010 22:46

But colleague could be taking
tomorrow off after conference. In which case that could be interpreted by whoever answers the phone as still technically away. So might not tell you
anything.

Shodan · 27/06/2010 22:47

tortoise- just something I've thought of.

Usually the dial tone is different, even on a mobile, when you ring the States. IIRC it's a long tone with a short break, unlike the dial tone in the UK which is two shoter ring tones followed by a short break.

Can you remember what dial tone you got when you rang the colleague's phone?

Needanewname · 27/06/2010 22:49

Oh dear, hope its a misunderstanding

clam · 27/06/2010 22:51

And if you can't remember then try again. He may not answer if his caller ID shows it's you bit he doesn't need to. You only need to hear how it rings.

leeloo1 · 27/06/2010 23:26

Not much help, but if you enter 141 before you dial it blocks your number...

Good luck!

montmartre · 27/06/2010 23:34

Does he have pintail app on his phone? That will tell you exactly where he is.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

MathsMadMummy · 28/06/2010 08:18

hope you're ok this morning Tortoise. have you tried phoning yet?

ivykaty44 · 28/06/2010 08:40

I wouldn't phone colleague - it put him/her on the spot yesterday and this was why they put the phone down, they were shocked at you phoning and well maybe they knew what was happening but really do not want to be part of it.

It is your dp that you have to speak to and yes being forearmed would be good.

I would leave him to stew when he gets home - leave it and seee if he is like a cat on hot bricks, he will possibly be expecting you to say something - so don't say a word, all smiles and do of course ask him how the course and trip went - to much information about the collegue will lead you to know if he is lieing - I wonder if he will tell you details about the collegue eing in the US with him when he was in UK?

gingernutlover · 28/06/2010 08:45

whilst you dont want to involve the colleague too much I think it would be well worth finding out for definate if he is in the UK or not.

hope you are okay OP

LimaCharlie · 28/06/2010 09:28

Hope you're ok tortoise and that the outcome of call to colleagues office gives you some answers.

Like others have said- say nothing on his return to let on that you know something is up and give him the opportunity to either reassure you by saying "oh x had to go back to london for y reason..." or incriminate himself.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this