I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

I think her husband would cope fine with it, it's not the husband that matters in all of this. It's the children.

Ooooh that sounded a bit harsher than I meant. Apologies to all forces parents/DPs of forces parents. I didn't mean to imply you weren't good parents just that it must be very hard to maintain a relationship if you miss births/spend moths and years away from your kids.

I think it's lovely that she's been a SAHM for 8 years, some children don't get that and now they get a SAHD, that's fab! Good on your friend, I think you should leave well alone OP.

There is nothing to get your head round. It's dead simple. Dad, one of of 50:50 partnership had career, Mum, the other EQUAL partner stayed at home with kids. They are simply reversing the roles by mutual agreement. Hats off to them both.

(SAHM now, but have ben WOHM with their father looking after them and will be a WOHM with someone else looking after them in a few years time)

Why won't the kids cope with their Dad looking after them? Is there something about him your are not telling us that makes him unsuitable??

sungirl - I have a relative who was much the same, wanting to be (to all intents and purposes) a SAHD. It works well for them.

and I'm not 100% sure if she said he would be a SAHD, so they may well both be working parents.

amothersplace perhaps he is covered in tatoos of naked ladies. He swigs rum all day and sings unsavoury songs.

at OP...I'm not against stay at home mums but this is going too far

so you are at home "caring" for your kids and you've got time to pen bitchy, unreasonable, ill thought out missives about someone who is supposed to be your friend?

And just to add that my DH is absolutely superb with my DD, as natural a parent as I am. So don't assume that Dads are crap at looking after children. He does amazing things with her that I would never think of (eg turning the entire garden into a giant marble run using all kinds of piping - she adored that!)

'how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own' - can you tell us why you think he won't cope? Last time I checked having a penis did not have a detrimental effect on being able to care for children and do the housework.

Er, and? Two working parents! The horror!

so......they'll both be working - the children will be in school.......if he's doing a regular 9-5 job, the most they may have to do is a bit of after school club/childminder until he gets home.

He may even decide to just work part time

Or am I missing something else here - are parents of school aged children supposed to sat at home twiddling their thumbs until they finish school?

Two working parents. In the 21st Century??? Gosh, that'll won't do!

I have no objection to him working.

"so you are at home "caring" for your kids and you've got time to pen bitchy, unreasonable, ill thought out missives about someone who is supposed to be your friend?"

no no no no - you must have missed the bit where the OP said she's a working mother herself

I am, toccata. Well, not thumb twiddling, more chocolate eating and MNetting

JeniMarr, nah, he's friggin' in the riggin'!

so what is your objection then? That she's not going to be the "primary" care giver?

or perhaps you're just jealous of the fact that she's got plans to have a great career again and maybe you're stuck in a dead end job?

OP. You are, to be blunt, being incredibly sexist, narrow minded, and frankly a total fuckwit.

My husband is a student, he doubles as SAHD while I go out and earn most of the money. And you know what? He is fucking fantastic at that job, and our daughter is not suffering in the least. She is gaining a huge amount from spending serious time with her Dad and having her Mum around after work and on weekends. She is confident and happy and interested and adaptable and oh, she's just the most incredible child. Total strangers and near relatives all comment on how happy and how sweet she is.

My husband knows her better than anyone. He knows when she's coming down with a sickness, he can distract her out of an imminent tantrum, he feels when she needs a jacket on or her shoes off before she asks. And she adores him and adores me and adores her set up. She'll spend ten minutes happily repeating Mummy - Daddy - MummyandDaddy! And hugging us.

So fuck you if you are seriously saying that my husband can't possibly do as good a job as me. Fuck you if you're saying that my daughter must be suffering because I have a career. Come the fuck over to my house and tell me to my face that I'm disadvantaging my child because her main carer doesn't have a womb.

I have made sacrifices to ensure that my child grows up knowing her father, and that I practise the egalitarian relationship that I preach. I am outraged that you are happy to sit there at your computer and tell me that my husband, my fabulous astounding husband, is not worthy of looking after hius own daughter.

Because that is what you are doing, you and your 'it's different for men' 'won't anyone think of the children' 'I can't help how I feel' crap.

So no objection to him working (big of you) - but every objection to HER working (by implication).

LOL JeniMarr and IFancy

chickens - fair enough