I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

Of course, the other thing you have to wonder when you read a thread like this, is the state of the marriage. Maybe some women really do pick dreadful husbands, who wouldn't be capable of looking after the children they have fathered. Maybe we should feel sympathy for the OP if she's landed herself with a useless jerk.

OP - Just don't judge the rest of us by what you settled for!

Oh and violethill... i heart you.

im the adult.i make the big decisions,not the children.and my working ft pays nursery,pays mortgage and fills the fridge

OP why did you name change out of interest..? I mean, if this is your view, and you think you're right why does it matter?

as i said earlier..... the only solution would be that NO PARENT EVER will be allowed in the forces. Why not sterilise all women applicants and force the men into vasectomies as a part of basic training?! Oh, but we cant do that, it is discrimination and against human rights, and there wouldnt be any armed forces to defend our country.

If i thought the only way I would be happy is to go back to a job I loved, and it POSSIBLY involved being deployed for up to 6mnths, then I would do it.

Kids, when brought up correctly, will understand the roles of adults in society, and that their main "job" is not to be their personal slave.

My mum and dad were both forces, my mum left when my brother was born, my dad stayed in until I was 5yrs old. My dad was away in Ascension for most of my first year of life. Has it harmed me? No. Did I favour my mum over my dad? No.

My dad worked shifts all through my childhood, only time I really spent any quality time with him was during school holidays as he was off then too. My mum worked 8-5.30pm monday-friday. Kids adapt to whatever situation they are presented with.

As an aside.... if you were to ask any of my 3 kids who they want to take them to school/pick them up/put them to bed, it will be a 50/50 split between me and DH. We are both at home 24.7 at the moment, but none of them bother if one of us has something to do that doesnt involve them.

I'm sensing a lot of working mummy guilt on here!
You all protest too much!

Working mummy guilt! Oh my dear sweet god!

Do I detect some SAHM jealousy here?

(please note that was directed squarely at Curry and not SAHMs in general).

no guilt here.i skipped back to work.happy to slam em in nursery.pay good money for them to be ignored

I'm sensing a lot of successful happy women who have successful happy children.

Bother you does it, curryfreak?

spot on Violet.chin chin

I was brought up my maternal grandmother, a very clever woman who ended up matyred to husband and 4 children, then had to do it again when my own mother died at a young age.

She brought up my sister and I to believe in the importance of education and career, and now she is old, she is bitter that she didn't fulfill her potential. And she worked - she was a staff nurse for donkey's years, even when I was small. She COULD have made mcuh more of her life and now very much regrets that she didn't.

Of course now she is 83 and in poor health and it is too late for her. But I learnt the lesson at her knee.....

teehee curryfreak... you are protesting too much about us protesting too much!

Why 'sahm Vs wohm' and not 'good mum Vs bad mum?' Its not the same arguement you know!

working mummy guilty??

not here.

Haven't work for just over 3yrs now.

And when I did it was night and I was awake during the for my DS's and only for 1 1/2yrs. Prior to that my last job was pre children/pre marriage when I was 18/19.........I'm 31 now.

I'm at home now, and will be at least until next Summer if I meet a nice rich man who can support me while I finish my degree I'll be at home even longer than that as I shall simply volunteer during school hours while I do my degree to get experience in the field I hope to work in.............highly unlikely that will happen though so it'll be hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

YABVeryU

I am a working mother, but i work part time because i want to, and because i cant think of anything worse than being one of the many working mothers who i know, who try to buy their kids affections with fancy holidays and the latest must-have because they are too obseessed with their right to go out to work, and be superwomen to spend any decent time with them.

lol,well i likey my ft job.mortgage.and nursery tell me children do too

And do you applay the same reasoning to men who go out to work full time....

curryfreak

Let me re-iterate to you again.

Spending a lot of time with your children does not guarantee their happiness or mean that you're a great parent.

Working long hours does not mean your children will be unhappy.

I'm a SAHM, but I firmly believe it's "quality not quantity" when it comes to children. Much better for a parent to fulfill themselves at work and then go home and spend concentrated time on their children than for them to be at home and fed up/bored/miserable and not really do anything with the children.

Eh?

I am a working mother who went back full time when dd was 5 months old and have pretty much worked ever since. My dd does not have the "latest must have" and fully knows how much her parents love her.

And her teacher tonight gave a very glowing report about what a lovely, kind, spontaneous child she is and how well she is doing at school. I'm guessing that WE haven;t fucked her up too much by working for "fancy holidays and material things"!

Ah right curryfreak, so you have a grotty low paid part time job and you're jealous of mums who have a more interesting time at work.

Thanks for clearing that up then.

curryfreak, thats sad if some of the mums you know do that with their children. But what makes you think you would do that to yours if you worked full time?

material things?like the broadband,mn and laptop

Curryfreak

I don't care if you (or anyone) works full time, part time or no time. Each to their own.

Shame the same can't be said about you. You are unpleasant, judgemental and smug.

There. Said whateveryone else was thinking.

LOL Scottish - don't tell them other lot on those benefits threads, but I have broadband and MN...........though no laptop