I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

Oh FGS. I'm not toxic. I'm clearly outdated but I'm still a good friend.

Oooh yes, toccata! I'll double dare her!

and it's not working women I have issues with. I am one.

oh yes you sound like a fab friend - insinutating the she's going to be abandoning her children, that she should just become a nurse.......and even better saying that her DH "plays with guns" for a job, and that she wants to.

Your poor friend if you count yourself as a good one and spend your time trying to talk her out of what she wants just because its not what you want. That's not the definition of a good friend in my book.

She is a woman. She wishes to work in the Navy. You have an issue with that.

Ergo you have an issue with working women. The job description is immaterial.

Come and stay with me Interfering and I'll introduce you to a female Army Colonel with kids, whose dh is a trailing spouse; or a female Lt Cdr I know, whose husband is retired military, and you can spout your crap to them.

If you prefer, I also know a couple of Ambassadors who are female with kids, and they all manage to cope as well, even though they do (gasp, shock, horror) have to work alongside the military.

Alternatively, I could introduce you to someone in the military whose wife died and left her children permanently.

OP perhaps you could have a look \link{http://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/explore-jobs/job-type/medical-nursing-and-healthcare/here} and look at the vast opportunities, both on shore and off shore in the medical, nursing and healthcare side of the RN..........

You are joking me? REALLY?

I have a very good friend who has 2 daughters. Both her and her husband are in the Army. The girls are gorgeous and incredibly clever. (oldest daughter skipped 2yrs of school going from P1 to P4)

Your friend sounds very sensible. Why shouldnt her husband be a house-husband? 18yrs time she probably wont be in the Navy, but will be happy she has continued to do what she wanted to do.

You are SO unreasonable OP I cant even get out in words what I want to say to you.

or even here

I have no doubt that the opportunities are great and financially she'll be setting herself up for a better life and retirement than she would get as SAHM. But will that be much comfort for her and her DC if she's posted to Afghanistan for 9 months?

I just dont get why she isnt being a good mother by going back to work?! I really dont understand it.

Surely the example she is setting to her children is one that women can DO stuff too. A womans place is not in the house, looking after children - we are no longer in the 1950's.

I admire this woman already, and some "friend" you are if you cannot support or understand her reasons for going back to work.

How different is it to the father being posted to Afghanistan for 9mnths?! (Usual postings are 6mnths though, with 2 week R&R in the middle)

Can I father not look after his children in the same way a mother can?!

TBH, I can see the Op's point. If the mother has been a SAHM and then from that is posted away for 9 months then I think the children would feel abandoned. SAme if their father had stayed at home and gone off.

They presumably understand the nature of their father's job. They presumably don't feel "abandoned" when he goes back after leave. I also presume the parents will prepare their children for the fact that they're "switching" roles.

Absolutely no reason the children should suffer as a consequence. Children are a lot more robust than we give them credit for, and so long as the switch is managed well by the parents there's no reason they won't come to get used to it and be just as happy spending time with their father while their mum is away as they currently are spending time with their mother when their father is away

To be honest, I do have a slight issue with anyone with children taking a job that puts their life at risk.

However, I apply that to men just as much as to women.

mini?

Fire Service, Police Force?

'buggering off to play with guns'

are you fucking kidding?

what will happen if one of your dcs decides to join the military when they get older? I'm guessing they wouldn't have your support.

Especially not a daughter

toccat...

I completely disagree and think children are alot less robust than we assume. It's a rather convenient POV, in my opinion.

And switching childcare arrangements for dcs that have been nursed and cared for by one parent to then have the very real possibility of her disappearing for 9 months would be horrific.

toccata

It depends on the chances of being killed in those jobs really, I don't know the statistics. Although, probably the chances of being killed in the armed forces aren't as much as I'm thinking.

OP you should show this thread to your friend, see what she makes of it.
Unless you have already made your feelings clear, in which case I am sure the air is quite chilly in Interfering-Land.

Interfering

I'm in that position - I need to get a job right now before I'm written off. I wish I'd been able to have dc earlier - but due to our fertility issues we couldn't. I now have a choice - to live just above the poverty line the rest of ds's childhood or to get a job so
a)I have some financial independence
b) offer dc some choices in his young life.

Oh, and I did have a job when ds was 15 months old - I left him in a superb nursery but as time went on he was unhappy. I did take him out and I'm unemployed now. Not great for either of us. Or for my dh who is struggling to pay bills on one salary.

Oh and have to say that since being a sahm again ds's view of females' role (ie all housework) is not the best and needs working on.

well we shall have to differ then posie.