I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

to all those suggesting I must be a surrendered wife - DH and I have a very fulfilling partnership... that doesn't involve buggering off for huge lengths of times to play with guns. I want what's best for my family. So shoot me.

"hat doesn't involve buggering off for huge lengths of times to play with guns."

well I think that says it all really doesn't it.

I agree with toccatanfudge

oh gawd - don't you start as well caramel - I@m going to start getting a complex about people agreeing with me at this rate

They don't bugger off to play with guns you ignorant woman. She could be a logistician which means she will deal with supplies and pay; she could be a chef or a steward; she could be a driver; an aircraft controller; deal with comms; a medical officer; be a Commodore and run a Naval base; be based at NATO or the EUMS; be involved in intelligence work.

It is hardly huge lengths of time either - but I've only been married to a Naval Officer for 25 years, and the daughter and sister of one, so what would I know. Don't pontificate about things you know absolutely nothing about.

'when dh retires in a few years he will come out to a cracking pension that will mean we never will really have to worry about money', to the military wife who posted this; we'll all be biting our nails until after the SDSR and Pensions review. It could get ugly.

Fair enough, Hecate. Sometimes I look very wistfully back at my SAHM year and wonder if the choice was right for me and my family. And then look at how happy my DD is and how well we work in our funny, mad family unit, and know that for us it was absolutely the right thing for the time being. Reserve my right to go back to being a SAHM in the future if the circumstances change again

You just do the best you can and try and do the right thing, don't you.

Well stop being so darned sensible then

from my limited knowledge "being in the mlitary" is about as wide as "being a civil servant"..........(as scary teacher has pointed out)

caramel - believe me I'm trying not to be, I'm really trying

OP if nothing else, you give yourself away as being completely judgemental with the statement:

I want whats best for my family.

So does your (I hope for her sake) former friend. You think it's your way or no way. Glad I don't know you in RL to be honest.

She wants to do medical something or other.

I suggested she go to uni to train to be a nurse but she shot me down. I am trying to help.

I'm a bit that only 2 people agree with me tbh.

"hat doesn't involve buggering off for huge lengths of times to play with guns."

"She wants to do medical something or other."

Oooooo, my first one

Oh it's a troll.

Bizarre phrases, silly OP, and no attempt made to actually engage with any of the points made, just short little repetitions of the initial statement while everybody else gets aerated.

Why bother.

I'm not a troll.

But I don't think I should have posted, nothings made me change my mind. I don't think it's a good idea. Each to their own though I suppose.

I will continue supporting my friend but I really cannot understand why she wants to do this.

But why do you think it's different for men?

I think that's the bit that's really got people's backs up TBH.

And you haven't really explained that other than saying kids need their mother more. Despite all sorts of examples being given of SAHDs where the kids are totally happy.

Won't someone please think of the children!

(have been waiting to post that forever.

Haha medical 'somethign or other' Oh, go and be a nurse dear that's much better.

Did you pat her on the head as well while handning out your 'advice'

I hope if this is true, she does figure out who you are so she never has to speak to you again.

well tbh honest QT - if this is for real and her friend IS an MNer I'm sure the friend will very quickly work out which of her "friends" thinks that all people do in the military is "play with guns".

I'm very dubious as to what "support" a friend with those types of views could offer the mother in question

"Playing with guns"????

Wow, managing to insult men, women and our brave armed forces all in one thread. Fabulous.

When I went into work this morning it was 2010 - have I caught the train home to 1954?

I dare the OP to go into the "in the forces" topic here on MN and say use that phrase

well, quite taf, her 'friend' needs to know what a toxic bitch she is pally with.

poppy -

Funnily enough Poppy34, I was about to ask if I'd been teleported into the 1950's.

What an insulting attitude to take towards working women OP.