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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

obviously I am and no wonder so many kids grow up petrified of the world

154 replies

ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 14:14

Just had a run in with a grandma in the park and I do not handle cnfrontation and I am sat here in tears.
Took puppy (very small border terrier, very well trained) and 4yo dd to the park for a bit of fresh air as feeling a bit down.
Puppy was running round with another dog and dd2, ran over to a toddler, I shouted her and she turned to come back, she didn't jump up or anything but toddler fell over, obviously not good balance skills, so I get puppy and put her on a llead and was heading over to say I am so sorry and give the ladsome money to buy the little girl an ice cream and perhaps let her have a fuss as puppy is very gentle and I didn't want her to be frightened.
lady just laid into me about how puppy should be on a lead and I am disgraceful etc, so I sayt I was about to give you money for an ice cream and apologise but you are rude, puppy is clearly safe I have my own small child, who is upset as woman shouting at her mum and puppy.
So I wlakaed off, got to top of park about 10 mins later (dog still onlead) and looked round and she is still sat cuddling this little girl, she fell very lightly on her bum.
Any2way there is no real point to this as I know you are all going to pile in and tell me IABU and I should keep my dog on a lead at all times and you are probably right.
I have no idea why I get so upset in these situations and wish I could handle confrontation.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 24/06/2010 14:18

YABU....for assuming everyone would pile in!!

sounds like a little incident,but maybe they had a reason for over reacting...

withorwithoutyou · 24/06/2010 14:18

Sounds like a storm in a teacup to me if your dog didn't cause her to fall over.

Cakesandale · 24/06/2010 14:20

Dita

YANBU. I had a very similar confrontation myself with an old bag in a park a few years ago. In fact, I had a LOT of similar confrontations, with different bags - mosatly old, but some young. My dog was big and black - but totally harmless.

Sorry it has upset you. It is women like this who make children terrified of dogs. It isn't your fault. Your dog does not have to spend its life on a lead unless it is vicious.

Don't let her spoil any more of your day.

luciemule · 24/06/2010 14:21

Firstly it was very kind of you to think about giving some money for an ice cream but if the dog had been on a lead the whole event wouldn't have happened.
Border terriers are my favourite dogs (we'll never have a dog though as we're not dog people) and I know how lovely they are but it does annoy me when people have dogs off leads in public places and if there are children about, if I was a dog owner, I would put my dog straight onto a lead.

It annoys me when dog owners (not you) assume that everyone will be super happy to pet their puppy/dog etc and whilst they say "oh he's fine with kids, we have small kids too" etc, that dog doesn't know other peoples' children.

As it was, nobody got hurt but the grandma is not being unreasonable. If it had been a larger dog, then it might not have been so harmless.

pagwatch · 24/06/2010 14:21

TBH I think you are over reacting
My Ds2 would be extrememly distressed if your puppy ran at him and no amount of money for ices would make up for that.
But I wouldn't shout at you as i wouldn't wantto excaerbate his sense that the puppy was scarey.

But she was looking overthe child and the child had a fright and a bump and she was annoyed.

It ain't the end of the world and certainly isn't worth being in tears about.. why would you be crying about a narked woman who vented and has probably forgotten the whole thing by now.

( BTW and FWIW- if your puppy ran up to a child, even if he came back when called, then you did not have proper control of him. Or if you think you did why did you not ensure he did not even head in direction of another persons toddler. People with toddlers do not like dogs off leads near them I find. My dog does not even look in childs direction without being called to heel)

FranSanDisco · 24/06/2010 14:23

She sounds rather over protective. In my experience the Granny's are the worst by a mile .

Sassybeast · 24/06/2010 14:23

YABU to not have puppy on a lead Perhaps poor grandma has one of those scary over bearing DILs who would go ballistic at the thought that precious baby had fallen over ? Or it may have been the first time that she had taken toddler to the park by herself ? I think YABU to tell her that she was rude - and I think that action was more likely to have escalated the situation into the type of confrontation that you claim you wish you could handle. And whilst every dog owner will swear blind that their dog is safe, some people just don't like being approached by dogs full stop.

pagwatch · 24/06/2010 14:24

Can we stop with the old bag thing..

I am starting to get really bored with the way we called older women old bags, old bitches etc .....

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 14:24

the park is the only place I can take the puppy as we live next to it, and miles away from anywhere else to walk.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 24/06/2010 14:25

YOu are and you aren't.

We went to the beach on Saturday, our dog was on the lead and we kept him away from other people but we were plagued by a black labrador who wouldn't leave him or our oicnic alone, the large group he belonged to couldn't care less.

WellMeantHellBent · 24/06/2010 14:26

Park as in open space or playground? Dogs should not be off leads in a playground but ok in an open space.
Maybe toddler got a fright and fell over?

I was jumped on as a child by a huge doberman and have a fear of dogs now, a lab jumped up on dd once and knocked her flying and I was really angry at the woman! I am aware these are much bigger than your dog.

YABU for saying kids will grow up being scared of the world, and not just have a fear of dogs not on a lead, like me.

PotPourri · 24/06/2010 14:27

Old bag.

But keep your dog on a lead. They are scary to many very small children, so why not help them not be scared by showing them a well behaved, fully safe dog(i.e. cant knock you over as the owner has on a lead)

silverfrog · 24/06/2010 14:27

agree with pagwatch.

if your puppy had run towards dd1, then yes, I would still have been cuddling her 10 minutes (and more) later, becasue she is completely phobic about dogs. she would, literally, have been scared stiff, and ti would have taken a lot of work on my part ot get her to relax again -whether your dog touched her or not.

if you want ot take your dog into public places, you do need to ensure that it doesn't go anyhwere near others. it is up to other people to approach you/your dog if they are interested

pagwatch · 24/06/2010 14:27

if it is the only place you can walk him then you need to keep a tight eye on him and keep him away from small children.

My DS2s acute fear comes from an oh so sweet and harmless little dog that the dimwit owner allowed to run right up to him..

But these things happen. I am more concerned that such a small incident made you cry.
Is there anything else to this. Or are you OK

luciemule · 24/06/2010 14:28

But dogs who aren't viscious can suddenly and quite out of the blue, become scared and go for soomeone.

Our children are being brought up to have a healthy fear of dogs - they love them if they know them and know how to behave around them but we have warned them not to stroke dogs in the street etc.

Dogs (like horses) cannot be trusted 100%.

IngridFletcher · 24/06/2010 14:28

At about 2 my DD was tossed into the air by a small dog who ran headlong into her legs (being friendly). The owner did not even apologise. I shouted at him to keep his out of control dog on a lead. He said 'what do you think I am doing now' and gave me a flithy look while I attempted to calm an hysterical DD down.

DD is 5 now and still scared of dogs despite loads of reassurance. Some people just really don't like dogs, don't think they are cute or nice and don't want to pet them or be approached by them. Are these people supposed to keep out of parks?

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 14:28

It was in open space, I don't take her anywhere near the playground. little girl only fell over because she kind of tangled her legs watching puppy trun about quickly iyswim.
Tis right I shouldnb't have her off the lead but I don't know what to do as the park is the only place I can take her atm, she is only 3.5 months old btw.

OP posts:
DTWD · 24/06/2010 14:29

I am terrified of dogs after an unassuming one bit me out of the blue when I was cycling (on a cycle path!) in the park. The owner said 'don't know what got into him, never done it before etc' and I ended up in A&E. I have two small children and it terrifies me to take them to parks because of all the dogs running around. That one experience has spoilt my enjoyment of parks and open spaces forever. People say 'my dog would never attack anyone' but unfortunately they can and do. I really wish dogs were kept on leads in parks. Sorry.

luciemule · 24/06/2010 14:30

when you say the park is the olnl place to take the puppy - well that's fine - just keep it on a lead when there are others there. Dogs need to be walked - not walked off the lead for it to be of benefit.

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 14:31

thanks pag, yes there are a lot of other things going on, in fact the dog is my therapy dog iyswim. she was bought to help me get over depression.

OP posts:
mloo · 24/06/2010 14:31

I don't see how you did anything wrong, OP.
Within reason, I like to see dogs running loose in the park, and I love my children to have opportunities to interact with them.
Is there such a thing as PFB-GC? (Precious First-Born GrandChild syndrome)?

WellMeantHellBent · 24/06/2010 14:31

DO yu have a garden? There is no reason why puppy can't go for a long walk on a lead anywhere and then run around after a ball or whatever in your back garden. Then there would be no need for things like this to happen.

gorionine · 24/06/2010 14:32

It was very kind of you to go and say sorry and everything, very few dog owners do so.

The thing is it might be the 20th time this happens to her toddler in the park, she never said anything to the dog owner and yours was just the one too many.

I have had so many bad experiences with uncaring dog owners that this grandma could easily have been me.

FranSanDisco · 24/06/2010 14:32

If this was my child I'd have picked them up and showed them the dog was friendly whilst talking calmly to them. Granny getting all irate is making the situation worse.

Cakesandale · 24/06/2010 14:35

pag - you are more than welcome to stop saying old bag any time you like. Me, I reserve the right to say what I think.