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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be considering abortion?

130 replies

aimee0211 · 24/06/2010 13:31

ok, so yes I know I am...but can't help thinking about it.

Background info -
I am 19 years old, and 17 weeks pregnant today. I have quit university and have moved back in with my parents (although my mother is less than happy with this arrangement), she has been pushing me towards abortion since she found out when i was 5 weeks.

My grandma has pancreatic cancer and my great-grandma died on monday, which means that timing for something as big as unplanned teenage pregnancy is not ideal.

I have A-level qualifications but no job prospects, no money and nowhere to live. Am currently on the list for council housing, which will be in a horrible area when i get one and will have to go on benefits to pay for it.

My boyfriend and I are still together (barely), he has no qualifications but does go to college full time and is planning on going back for another year in September, meaning he will have no income either and will have to claim benefits.

After feeling my baby moving and buying things for the baby, I don't know if I can go through with an abortion but I don't know whether I can bring a baby into this world in these circumstances.

Sorry it's so long...just really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 13:33

I think you need to talk this through with someone independent, a counsellor, your gp should be able to get you one. This is a mjor decision that only you can make.

expatinscotland · 24/06/2010 13:34

Unless you are 100% certain this is the correct solution for you, then don't do it.

organiccarrotcake · 24/06/2010 13:34

aimee have you talked to a counsellor? This is not a decision that anyone here should advise you about. You will have to live with whatever choice you make and it's not fair for other people to try to influence you either way.

You need absolute support and understanding of your situation as a whole. If you Google abortion counselling or talk to your GP I'm sure you will get a lot of help - but you're getting on in the pregnancy and you really need to make a decision urgently.

tutusare4 · 24/06/2010 13:35

Are you sure AIBU is the right place to post this?
You may get more constructive advice elsewhere in Mumsnet.

Sorry, I don't feel I can give any more advice, but I'm you feel this way. Hope you can sort it all out x

StealthPolarBear · 24/06/2010 13:35

sorry to hear about your grandma & great grandma but they should have NO bearing on your decision
the decision is yours. I would imagine degrees or FE will be possible when your baby's a little older if that's what you want - you have A levels.

It sounds like you could do with someone impartial in real life to talk it through with (as well as here of course). is there anyone you trust? teacher? do connexions help in this sort of situation?

mistletoekisses · 24/06/2010 13:35

OP - Speak to a rl counsellor please. Not a bunch of strangers on a website, and on AIBU of all places.

2cats2many · 24/06/2010 13:35

Definately talk to a counsellor. There are other options, such as adoption.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 24/06/2010 13:35

Can I gentle suggest you ask for this to be moved to antenatal tests/choices topics, as it's quite an emotive topic and this is AIBU which might not encourage the most sympathetic/empathetic responses.

I am loath to say anything because about this issue I really think you have to make the decision you are most comfortable with, and if you do decide to continue you will find a way to cope (which doesn't necessarily mean dropping out of uni all together, most unis would let you defer).

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

HurleySatOnMe · 24/06/2010 13:36

Why have you quit uni? There's no reason you can't do both. I had dd at the end of my first year, and went straight back for the second year. I graduated with no problem at all. It needn't be doom and gloom

RunforFun · 24/06/2010 13:36

Oh Aimee,

what a terribly sad situation, I really feel for you.

17 weeks ... I'm no expert but I would have thought a termination would be harder to cope with at this stage both mentally and to a lesser extent physically.

Have you thought about adoption ?

OrientCalf · 24/06/2010 13:37

have you tried talking to someone at marie stopes?

StealthPolarBear · 24/06/2010 13:37

x post with everyone
connexions: You can speak to a Personal Adviser at your local Connexions Centre. To find your local centre click on the Local Services icon in the footer of the homepage or check out your local phone book.

here

caniask · 24/06/2010 13:37

I'm sorry for your sadness. Please talk to as many people as you can. Others will have different perspectives and may see a way forward that you hadn't considered.
All my good wishes to you.

staranise · 24/06/2010 13:38

You need to speak with your GP urgently who can refer you straight away for abortion counselling (or try a Marie Stopes clinic if you don't want to speak with your GP).

TBH, I don't feel that this forum is the appropriate place to discuss the sort of decision you're facing.

Original poster

aimee0211 · 24/06/2010 13:38

ok sorry, I suppose I wasn't really thinking when I posted it here, maybe I just needed a place to vent. Will see how I feel tomorrow I think and if I still feel the same will take your advice and go to GP about seeing a counsellor.

Thanks for the help and sorry again.

OP posts:

ditavonteesed · 24/06/2010 13:41

and please let it be known that whatever desicion you come to there are many people onhere who will offer you support.

fatheadsgirl · 24/06/2010 13:41

Whilst I think talking to a councellor might help you figure this all out I think what you would really benefit from is a cup of tea, some biscuits and a chat with your mum. Then a proper conversation with your BF. If the relationship is barely together you have to give thought to the fact that you might just end up a single parent which isn't ideal but it is doable.

Your situation is tough but there are ways and means to get by. For instance you can go back to school, there's quite a few resources available to help people in your kind of situation, I know this from experience btw

No matter what you decide honey this isn't a decision you should be making on your own.

Your mum is probably just worried and scared for you, as mums tend to do.

Wishing you all the best hun

BrokenBananaTantrum · 24/06/2010 13:41

I agree with others on here who have suggested seeing a cousellor in RL. However, I wanted to ask you - if your mum had not been pushing you towards a termination what do you think you would have done? It sounds like the whole family is having a really tough time at the moment and this could be influencing your thinking which is why you should seriuosly consider getting some impartial advice from a proffessional.

I hope you get the support you need.

diddl · 24/06/2010 13:42

If you don´t want an abortion but feel you couldn´t cope with a baby, would you consider adoption?

I agree that talking to someone professional who could outline all options would be a good idea though.

All the best with whatever you decide.

StealthPolarBear · 24/06/2010 13:42

NO problem posting here, I don't think there would be anyone idiotic enough to come along and hassle you.
Please do post for support, whatever you decide.

StrictlyTory · 24/06/2010 13:43

I think at 17 weeks you have already bonded with the baby, especially as you've said you've bought things for him/her.

I would say that your circumstances are bad right now, but there never is the perfect time to have a baby! Things can happen suddenly which change your whole world. So don't make a decision based on the fact that things are not perfect now and you can imagine a time in the future when you think they will be.

RobynLou · 24/06/2010 13:44

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
I had an abortion at 9weeks when I was 19. It was awful, but the right decision for me at the time.
HOWEVER I have a friend who got pg during her upper sixth year, had the baby just after her a-levels.
Her and the dad had a 'year out' living with their parents, they then both went off to newcastle the next year - he started uni that year, she started the year after.
the year after he graduated all 3 of them spent the year in spain - she was on a 4 year course with a sandwich year. their daughter started school out there and learnt spanish. the dad worked as an english teacher for the year. they then went back to newcastle for her final year.
they now live in London, have a second child and he is training to be a lawyer and earning a very good wage, she worked in charity fundraising but is now home with the second baby.

It can work out - having a baby is not the end of your life.

thefinerthingsinlife · 24/06/2010 13:45

Aimee I had a termination when I was 17, I wasn't 100% sure about having it but went ahead with it due to pressure from my parents. I regret that descision everyday.

Please please please make this choice for you because you are the only person that matters in this.

Take care

StrictlyTory · 24/06/2010 13:45

Oh and I agree about having a really open chat with your Mum/BF, they would not want you to feel like this alone I'm sure.

Tell them how you're feeling, then they can help you. Don't try and deal with everything alone

Firawla · 24/06/2010 13:45

it sounds like you might regret it if you do, as you said feeling baby move, buying things for baby, sounds like deep down you want to have your baby but you are a bit scared and worried how things will be, but there is support available and it may be difficult but also may be worth it to have your child
if you have an abortion cos your mum is pushing you towards it, and you are not sure, i think you would end up resenting her for a long time
i hope things get easier for you, as others said probably a good idea to see a counciller for some advice

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