to want to keep my own name when I get married?

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I have an unusual surname and I am the only one of 'me' in the world (slash the world of google and facebook)

DP's surname is very common, I already know a few people with my name and DP's surname. It's a bit like Dixon.

AIBU to want to keep my name? DP and I had a bit of an argument about it last night. He thinks it's offensive to not want his name, and that I am joining his family and should be happy about taking on their surname.

But that means that I would no longer be known by that name, which is a big part of my identity. And it would mean that the only person to carry on that name would be my DB.

I'm the only me in the world too! This wasn't why I kept my name though, it just seemed really odd to change it, so I didn't.

YADNBU!

I didnt either...its not compulsory...stick to your guns.

YANBU. I didn't change my unusual name.

YANBU.

DP is also joining your family - you could suggest to him that he takes your name.

You are marrying him - the name changing thing is just an archaic custom, imo.

YANBU, not at all! Plenty of people keep their names when they get married - it's nothing to do with your DP in a sense, and there's no need for him to get offended. You're marrying him because you love him, not because you want to change your name. If that was the only reason you were doing it, I dare say a deed poll would be easier .

Still, I suppose if he'd assumed you would change I guess I can see why he might be a little surprised, as it is still a very common assumption for people to make. give him time to come round to the idea - maybe he just had an idle fantasy of introducing you as 'Mrs HisName' to people and feeling all proud and protective and such.

Still, if he continues to make an issue of it you will have to try and sit down to have a rational discussion. It would be a bit childish of him to keep making a fuss, and to be honest, it is something you'll need to put behind you before actually gettting married. You don't want an argument over it festering for years and years.

YANBU

I was in a similar situation, kept my name. DDs have my name too (which was DH's idea).

I did suggest he could take on my name

YADNBU but be prepared for all sorts of fuss- from ILs, from dc's school, from various nurses/receptionists but most of all from CRB- especially if you use Ms.
It's a mad world.

I only got fuss from ILs - none from anyone outside the family.

So IANBU

This I already knew. I don't want to insult him but I love my name! He told his parents and they can't understand me either. He is fully pissing me off!

I kept my name, the dcs have my name (and DH's name as a middle name - my idea) and it has never caused any fuss at all from school, GPs, hospitals etc.

And it's far easier than not changing your name because you don't have to inform everyone like banks etc, you just go on as before.

euuuch at "joining his family"... I hope you like your in-laws because it sounds like you'll be having a lot to do with them! This is the part of your post that bothers me most tbh; why is he not equally "joining your family", or the two of you creating a new family?

YANBU, though maybe you could find a compromise like using his name informally but your maiden name on paper and at work, or you using both surnames, or even having your maiden name as a middle name.

(by both surnames I meant double-barrelled, with or without a hyphen... I would go without the hyphen!)

The other thing you might want to consider is which name you will give to your DC (if you have any). Personally, I'm a believer in giving the name you like best, or you might want for your DC to have your name (esp if it is unusual and you want the name to carry on). Your DH might just assume the DC will get his name. Fine, if that's okay with you, but worth discussing now if it isn't

YANBU - I kept my name (not even that unusual, but it's just me, which his name wasn't) and DH was fine with it. It is really very normal these days. ILs are rather more traditional types so in all the years we were married they managed to avoid writing down my name in full.... DH died a few years ago, and now if they write to me they have to use my name, but I am still very much part of the family, even if I don't share their name - as are their daughters, who took their husbands' names when they married. In most parts of the world they do it differently anyway.

DCs have DHs name, but I've never had any fuss from schools, doctors etc about the fact that the DCs have a different name from me (they have my name as a middle name but don't use in everyday situations). I've only ever been checked up on at border controls, but I think some places double check anyone travelling solo with kids to make sure they are not being abducted.

I have a very boring surname but it never crossed my mind that I would change it on marriage - I am not a fucking possession.

YANBU - I have myname, Dh has hisname, and DS is myname-hisname. We're all happy with it, and no one official has ever been worried in the least. Getting our families to use the correct names is harder, but ho hum.

DH never expected me to change my name, so no complaints from him

YANBU - Keep your name, it's your's! Why change your name, an old-fashioned idea.

YANBU. I kept my name, I couldn't be bothered with all the hassle of changing it.

It's not caused any problems, much easier if anything.

"He told his parents and they can't understand me either."

Is it really that far-fetched in this day and age? Do they also feel that you are "joining their family", the "Dixon" clan? Could be a good time to start setting boundaries; it's betwen you and your DP but ultimately up to you, none of the ILs business really.

of course YANBU. Might it reassure them a bit if you say that any children can have his name (if you are happy with that)?

YANBU but you and your DP need to come to an agreement about what happens re kids etc.

FWIW I have an unusual name - DH has a v normal english surname. I chose to keep my surname rather than assume his as the combination of my first name and his surname sounded odd - and he was fine with it (I think the respective parents raised their eyebrows but it was our decision not theirs). Our kids have DH's surname. Its a bugger sometimes as places like the post office wont accept at word value I'm their mum as I have a different surname but beyond that its not an issue.

"places like the post office wont accept at word value I'm their mum as I have a different surname "

why would you need to explain this at the post office?

YANBU - it's very common these days not to change your name, my sister didn't.

Tell him it; not a rejection of him, or anything with anything that needs to be taken personally by anyone else or affect the nature of your marriage - it's just that it isn't so much the norm these days, and your name is your name.

Ask him if he feels very strongly about a joint family name, would he like to take yours, or both of you combine to be double barrelled?

Even double-barrelled is not what it was: in DS's inner city multi-racial, multi-everything, class, no fewer than 8 children (inc DS) with double barrelled names - none have aristicratic tendencies