Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike wedding rings on men?

178 replies

commeuneimage · 18/06/2010 06:56

I think it makes them look wimpish and henpecked. Probably because my father would have died rather than wear a ring. Does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/06/2010 07:39

Who the hell uses words like "henpecked" in any seriousness? Henpecked? What are you, 105?

Anyway, I hate wearing jewellery; anything less precious than high-carat gold (oooh, get me) gives me an allergic reaction, I hate yellow gold, and even when I wear the white gold I do have I am really conscious of it all the time. So I used to wear a wedding ring during the day but take it off at night, and some time in the last six months I think my toddler must have hidden it somewhere, because damned if I can find it. I forgot to wear it a lot of the time anyway, so it's not high on my list of things to worry about. My husband's needs resizing since he was underweight when we bought it, and the end result is that now neither of us wear our rings.

Funnily, this hasn't caused him either to throw off his wimpish chains and start bossing me about, nor has it caused a plague of predatory women to descend upon him now that he is no longer marked as my property.

FFS.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/06/2010 07:41

BB, I've handled workers compensation cases where machinery has become caught in a wedding ring.

My husband's couldn't be gold, because he worked in gold exploration and the ring might have caused sample contamination if it came into contact with the soils.

Sn0wflake · 18/06/2010 07:47

You like men that will not display externally their commitment to their partner? I think that's brainwashing by a male dominated society myself.

My husband and I bought each other engagement rings and wedding rings. I thought it was lovely. But then I asked him to marry me so sticking to convention isn't a big deal for me.

You are being very unreasonable.

lolapoppins · 18/06/2010 07:50

Op - have no idea, apparently i would scream as a baby if my older sisters tried to dress me in costume jewellry too! Never been able to be near it, it was so bad that my mum used to have to take off hers to make my food or I wouldn't eat it or let her pick me up for a hug if she was wearing any (that was from when I was about 18 months that they all realised what my problem was, or so I am told!)

marantha · 18/06/2010 07:53

snOwflake Sorry to be picky, but shouldn't that be, "externally their commitment to their wife?

Surely it is the act of marrying that is the sign of commitment and the wearing of a wedding ring a matter of taste?
I think OP is irrational because it matters not one way or another.

tortoiseonthehalfshell, In my experience predatory women love a wedding ring on a man; it makes him much more attractive to them!

malovitt · 18/06/2010 07:53

"I find men without them very strange and somewhat conceited - like they're too 'special' to wear a ring for their wives or not committed enough to their relationships. I always feel a bit sorry for their wives when I see a married man without one"

That statement is one of the most ridiculous things I have read here for a long time.

I would prefer my dh go to work each day, safe in the knowledge that there is no possibility of his finger being ripped off because he was wearing a "world-committment-showing" ring - enabling people like you not to feel sorry for me - getting caught in a power tool or other machinery he was operating.

Pathetic.

Original poster
commeuneimage · 18/06/2010 07:54

OK, maybe I am being unreasonable about the rings. But what's wrong with 'henpecked'? It's a lovely word. I defend my right to use it.

OP posts:
marantha · 18/06/2010 08:00

commeuneimage Nothing at all wrong with the word, "henpecked". Some men are very much under the control of the women in their life.

But, OP, I don't think the wearing of a wedding band means he is or isn't- it's irrelevant.

BecauseImWorthIt · 18/06/2010 08:05

The only piece of jewellery my DH owns, never mind wears, is his wedding ring. He doesn't even wear a watch!

It's a symbol of his commitment to our marriage/to me, so I think it's petty special.

Oh, and he's 52 and I'm 50, so doubt it's really an age thing.

I think it's really bizarre to think it's a sign of being 'henpecked'.

IrrationalMother · 18/06/2010 08:08

It surely is a bit U to have any particular view about the decisions taken by other people about their marriage?

I would say though that when my husband proposed I was a bit surprised that he wasn't intending to wear a ring, but expected that I would, because men don't and women do and his father didn't ("didn't think I was marrying your father" might have been said). I don't think that 'tradition' in this sense (where the tradition is actually that a woman has no legal existence separate from some man or other and a ring is a mark of ownership) is something that should dictate what I do - I am lucky enough not to have to put up with that sort of thing. Anyway, I said happy either for us both to wear one, if he felt a visible sign of commitment was important, or for neither of us to, if he didn't. Funnily enough he was the one who marched into the jewellers and demanded matching rings .

Reference the manual work thing, I was working in a dangerous environment when we married. I took it off when I was at work as did all the married men I worked with. Lots of people wore them attached to watch straps - I shoved mine in a drawer. It wasn't immovably bonded to my skin...

Sn0wflake · 18/06/2010 08:17

Marantha I have some gay friends who are in civil partnerships and they wear rings. That's why I said partner. None of my lesbian friends have got 'married'...not sure why. Anyway we are talking about men.

SnailWhaleTail · 18/06/2010 08:18

DH doesn't wear have one and it really doesn't bother me at all, that said though he does work in an evironment where he'd have to take it on and off all the time and probably loose it.

My dad has one but rarely wears it and I don't think my FIL has one at all either.

I am a student ODP and am thinking of putting mine back in the jewellery box as all the scrubbing is giving me dermatitis under my ring. Strangely I think my DH would be bothered by my stopping wearing it which is what's held me back really.

twolittlemonkeys · 18/06/2010 08:19

A wedding ring and a watch on a man are fine. Other chains etc are a bit bling for my liking!

Imarriedafrog · 18/06/2010 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rollmops · 18/06/2010 08:27

A trolling loon. Definitely. [yaaaawn]

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/06/2010 08:31

You don't get a henpecked wife, do you? It's a sexist and outdated term to describe a relationship where women are perceived to be in control.

The converse relationship, where a man is perceived to be in control, has no special term.

And it hasn't escaped my notice that this all comes back to the wife, again. A man wears a wedding ring, he's 'henpecked'. A man doesn't wear a wedding ring, AlC feels sorry for his wife.

How about assuming that the choice to wear a wedding ring is made by the man and for his reasons, and stop judging the woman in his life because of it?

BeenBeta · 18/06/2010 08:33

tortoise - I am surprised that more employers dont ban wedding rings if they can be sued y an employee if they get caught in a machine.

I am guessing doctors, surgeons and other medical staff of either sex must find it tricky to wear a wedding ring. Gold is a surgical metal but cleaning under a ring is still necessary.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/06/2010 08:35

yabvu!!

i love my dh wearing his ring but due to his work he cant wear it during the day, but he will put on at weekends/not working

dh loves seeing me in my rings and still finds seeing post through as mrs blondes weird and his name even tho been married over 3yrs

as others said , its a sign of comittment and proud to be called my husband

AlCrowley · 18/06/2010 08:39

"I would prefer my dh go to work each day, safe in the knowledge that there is no possibility of his finger being ripped off because he was wearing a "world-committment-showing" ring - enabling people like you not to feel sorry for me - getting caught in a power tool or other machinery he was operating."

My FIL removes his ring while he does a manual job with heavy machinery. He replaces it in the evening when he gets home. After all, it's "with this ring I thee wed!

And I am not Pathetic!

BeenBeta · 18/06/2010 08:45

It felt strange when I first wore a wedidng ring. I had never worn a ring before.

However, it has never been off the end of my finger in 21 years. It would feel like I had broken a promise if I took it off now. Silly but there you are. It does not make me feel henpecked or owned at all.

Actually, I find the word 'henpecked' is a word that other men use sometimes to put other men down who are commited and put their DW/DP first.

LisaD1 · 18/06/2010 08:45

My DH wear his wedding ring and his watch.

He chooses to wear a wedding ring and is far from henpecked.

My father has never worn a wedding ring (he's a builder) and is the MOST henpecked man I've ever met.

So kind of blows OP theory out of the water!

mrsbuggywinkle · 18/06/2010 08:45

you can't call a woman 'henpecked' (unless she's gay) because it would have to be 'cockpecked' which sounds silly.

2shoes · 18/06/2010 08:45

yabu

tyler80 · 18/06/2010 08:53

When my sister got married they got 'token' rings as otherwise the ceremony was going to be a bit short without the exchanging of the rings bit! Neither of them wear a ring now but I don't believe this means anything more than they don't like wearing rings. Not more or less comitted than any other couple because of it.

marantha · 18/06/2010 08:56

snOwflake then shouldn't it be, civil partner?

I am sorry being married and having a wife not a partner is far more a sign of commitment (at least on an external level- which is what wearing a wedding band is, an external thing) than wearing a ring or not!

Swipe left for the next trending thread