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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should look after our own children?

423 replies

ContentedVanilla · 13/06/2010 15:28

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

OP posts:
shelscrape · 13/06/2010 20:41

Oooohhh I am getting a wee bit cross. I don't drive an audi and I don't have a five bedroom house thank you. PP don't judge my dear!

Now, can I have some breadsticks too?

helyg · 13/06/2010 20:41

OP has probably gone back to Trollsville.

BTW Posie, you describe yourself on your profile as "I'm a stay at home Mum, who is going crazy, and I haven't used my brain for so long I think it's left my body!" Which some might argue would be a good reason to go back to work...

violethill · 13/06/2010 20:41

cheers m'dear!

violethill · 13/06/2010 20:42

ROFL helyg - fantastic!

She's certainly right about her brain having departed!

posieparker · 13/06/2010 20:43

Scottish mummy you always come across as such a hard and unfriendly woman, and I can't see any kerching moment in my post. I know plenty of ex pats who also busy themselves doing anything other than spend time with their children, and the rich. I think it's odd.

And secunda that is out of line, perhaps I would have liked an independent income, but I still wouldn't have chosen to be without my children five long days a week and for them to be with carers for over 50 hours a week.

scottishmummy · 13/06/2010 20:43

ach i love the kerching of cliche bingo.adrenalin rush of fave phrases recited

secunda · 13/06/2010 20:44

sorry posie, I think you're alright really. wish you had been a bit more 'selfish' though for your own sake

ginhag · 13/06/2010 20:44

Now it's starting to seem like a proper party!

umm.... babybel anyone?

undercovamutha · 13/06/2010 20:45

Ahhhh - another WOHM are evil thread. You can never have enough of 'em.

violethill · 13/06/2010 20:45

Hard and unfriendly?

I think not! She's been very generous with her stuffed olives and breadsticks!

AnnieLobeseder · 13/06/2010 20:45

SM - dare I suggest that if MN bingo is really that exciting to you, perhaps you need to get out more?

posieparker · 13/06/2010 20:46

It's about choice. Some people have to work, some people choose to work intensively at the expense of any time spent with their children.

I can see that if you're a loan parent you may need to make this choice, or if working is the difference between living in a shit area or not. But the extreme where both parents are chasing careers and working long hours each and every day I think it's weird to have children.

cory · 13/06/2010 20:46

Personally, I have found that my children's needs change over the years. Now that they are pre-teens/teens, I find myself better able to meet their needs, because I did cling on to my career, even at times when I wasn't actually being paid for it. It means I know more, I can help them with their studies, I have more interesting stories to tell because I have done interesting things, I am a better role model for dd when she starts thinking about career choices. None of these things are to do with financial necessity, but they are all beneficial to dcs as they are now.

And my being happy and fulfilled does make a difference to dcs: I hated the fact that my mum regretted her lost opportunities, and had ended up in a place where she was not happy. It wasn't any easier when I grew up and went away and had my adventure and my fulfillment - and she was too old to have hers. I don't wish that on my dd.

ginhag · 13/06/2010 20:47

Violet, that's only because she's been drinking my wine...

scottishmummy · 13/06/2010 20:47

pp from a divergent opinion you ascertain personality traits and behaviour. remarkable

better than pets win prizes

can you guess what my fave food is too?or is that stretching your unique capacities

violethill · 13/06/2010 20:48

What's a 'loan parent?'

Is it one that a working parent borrows as a stand-in for when they go to work?

Oh dear I am laughing hysterically now! Pass the vino

posieparker · 13/06/2010 20:48

I don;t think this is a 'let's bash working mothers', this is more let's question why people have children when they're planning to work 50 hours each a week in demanding careers and spend most of their time spent with their dcs with their dcs asleep.

MrsSchadenfreude · 13/06/2010 20:48

Posie, you clearly have a lovely life from your profile and photos. You have a rich husband, judging from your "executive home", nicely dressed children (how many people's children have smart wool winter coats?), expensive holidays and beautifully highlighted hair (no home kits for you!). You have also, by your own admission, lost your brain since being a SAHM, and read a lot of shit (again, your own admission). Yet you clearly enjoy your life. And your children.

I enjoy mine too. I work - full time, and often long hours. I always have. It doesn't mean I love my children any less, or don't spend quality time with them, I do. We often cook together, play chess, scrabble (they are 11 and 9), read the paper and have intelligent conversations. If I were a SAHM, I would be sitting on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle, eating biscuits and on ADs. It's simply not a life I could have chosen.

I respect your choice - you obviously chose the right husband to be able to afford your life. Please respect mine, and also the choices of other parents, who may or may not have to work full time to make ends meet.

Or are you of the view that girls should not be educated as it is clearly a waste of time as all they are cut out for is a life of wife and mother?

scottishmummy · 13/06/2010 20:49

because i want to

expatinscotland · 13/06/2010 20:50

Actually, I'd love to meet scottishmummy one day. She sounds a right larf.

posieparker · 13/06/2010 20:50

The clue is in 'come across' SM, I didn't say you were definitely like that, just how you post.

VH....obviously it's a lone parent. Bad MN form.

ginhag · 13/06/2010 20:51

Pp the op was defintely a 'let's bash working parents' type thread.

Now surely it's someone else's round???

violethill · 13/06/2010 20:51

Oooh bad form! Slap wrist eh!

Come on crank up that music I want to partaaay

undercovamutha · 13/06/2010 20:52

Rather than MN 'cliche bingo', I like to play 'guess the MNers' when I see the thread title! A SAHM vs WOHM debate is not a proper debate until Violet and SM turn up - with a bit of Bonsoir thrown in for good measure!!!!

expatinscotland · 13/06/2010 20:52

Why do people spend years and years with an arsewipe partner? That's just as damaging for their kids to see as two working parents, IMO.