To think we should look after our own children?

[ContentedVanilla]

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

I actually cant beleive there are over 300 replies to this shit waste of time thread when there was a practically identical one like, 2 days ago...

Let me guess: OP came and slaged off working mums in what she thought was a very stealth like way under the guise of 'honestly, Im just curious'

Loads of people told her she was a twat.

One person agreed with her.

Loads more people told her she was a twat and a sexist one at that.

blah blah fucking blah.

For what its worth YABU. Now do one.

quite Magdelena, this idea that children should be reared almost exclusively by their parents is a very modern one.... it takes a village to raise a child...

Why do people have to be so aggressive?

Was that directed at me cherry? I dont know, ask OP.. I was responding to her angry and rantish post that implied she was a better mother than me.

Magdelena - I think it's important children ideally have a great relationship with their parents irrespective of who is the main carer. IMO it's terribly sad when parents can't be bothered to interact or spend any time with their children. IMO is terribly sad when parents don't actually know their children, what drives them, what they love etc.

I agree with you Cortina it is terribly sad when parents (working or stay at home) don't know their children.

again, I am a working Mum and I an not at all offended by this thread

people need to chill out and stop being so defensive

errr .. I wasn't equating every aspect of skiing and WOHM
I was only trying to repond to those doing the 'why oh why would you chose to work' comments by suggesting that that which moves and sustains us will vary from person to person.

No one told me I had to solve the whole thread in my one little post...

Lunchtime!

Foureleven, I'm with you on this one - what is the point of putting contentious, unsubtle posts on here (which have been done to the enth degree anyway)? Unless OP has too much time on her hands, in which case, you know what they say...and Magdelena, thanks for your kind, sensible contribution to a provocative and snide post (imo).

I don't find the OP offensive porcamiseria, just stupid and repetitive. It's been done to death and I can't beleive anyone would honestly think there is any mileage to be had from asking the question (assuming it was genuine and not just a wind up).

Yes it was in part foureleven, I don't agree with the OP in that I think many mothers have to work but I don't think her post was angry or rantish - provocative and contentious but not aggressive - however there have been a lot of aggressive, sweary replies.

How can anybody know before having children if they're going to enjoy looking after them?

Some people must have good intentions and then realise the repetiveness and drudgery and loss of income and status is not for them.

well orm given there are 338 replies there clearly is mileage no!!!!

I just think its interesting how WOHM immediately get so defensive. whereas I see this is a comment on the many many types of people (I gave examples earlier) who palm their kids off on others, not just working Mums

yes it takes a community to riase a child bla bla bla, but they need their Mummy and Daddy too

But the OP clearly referred to working parents. It winds people up of course, hence the replies, but nothing here has been new, enlightening or ground-breaking. And I don't beleive for a moment the OP cared whether it was or not.

I can only speak for myself but I will always be defensive about someone telling me they disagree with the way I bring up my daughter, I cant help it.

Im a fiery old bitch though.

porcamiseria the reason we WOHMs get so defensive is because we are constantly attacked.

belledame

I dont agree, who is attacking you? I work FT and I really dont feel attacked. Its 2010, not 1973

who is attacking you exactly???? the Daily Mail!!!??? FUCK EM

TBH. Having been a WOHM and a SAHM I think the attacking is pretty much 50/50.

WOHMs get attacked a lot - usually the 'neglecting your child, putting your own needs ahead of your child' angle.

SAHMs get attacked a lot - usually the 'living off your partner, dullard, not contributing or lacking independence' type attack.

Also we rise to statements by assuming the opposite IYSWIM
so if someone says 'I was too bored to stay at home and needed to feel independent' SAHMs feel that their life is being called boring and that they are being called parasites.
If someone says 'I chose to stay at home so I had more time with my child' WOHMs feel that they are being told that they do not give their child enough attention.
etc etc

whereas in truth they are usually totally innocent statement which are meant as referring only to the posters individual circumstances.
we misunderstand each other a lot I think

Rats! Just typed actually quite articulate post and lost it.

Anyway, gist was that I don't feel personally attacked but I don't think it's fair that working mothers are often judged so harshly (thank you, Oliver James, Steve Biddulph et al) and it makes me cross hence posting.

I work a 40 hour week with a 45 minute commute each way.

I also spend significantly more than half of my daughter's awake time with her, not counting night wakeups which I also do.

I don't understand why people equate "working full time" with "someone else bringing up your child". I bring up my child. I am the one who reads to her, cooks for her, feeds her her evening meal, gives her her bath, cuddles her, interprets her nascent language, listens to her tell me - for thirty straight minutes - that cows say mooo and sheep say baaah, I know when she's hungry or tired or cold, she helps me in the kitchen and in the garden, when she gets a new skill I know about it and rejoice in it. At the end of the day I put her to bed, and I know what sort of day she's had.

And I work fulltime, and support my household. It's not mutually exclusive.

And while I'm having a rant, I get fed up with all the shit about single mothers too...

I work full time and am entitled to no benefits (except child benefit which will, no doubt, shortly be withdrawn for people earning over x amount). I work hard to try to provide the best I possibly can for my daughter (as I suspect we all do) and I get cross when I feel I am being criticised.

I get sick of the assumptions made about working mothers; single parents; all of it. Just makes me feel so tired.

Still, we'd have a lot less to talk about on here if everyone was nice to each other!