to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

' or falling down the stairs / serious accident scenarios.

Has it not occurred to people that it is perfectly easy for you to be the one to fall down the stairs, have a serious accident and be unconsciious? Your DC would have to cope.Have you even discussed it with them?

MintHumbug Fri 11-Jun-10 09:36:54

"The time it would become an issue is if an accident in the home did happen and the mother returns from the shops to find sirens flashing in the front garden and her very sensible 7 year old outside having done the right thing and dialled 999. Now in that case SS are hardly likely to congratulate you on having a sensible 7 year old. They're going to asking what the hell you were doing leaving a small child at home for an hour when the house caught fire."

This is what I mean about cultural differences. In Sweden, they would congratulate you on having taught your 7yo the proper procedure. So I am reduced to muttering "cultural differences" when my dcs want to know why they are allowed to do things when abroad that they are not allowed in this country. The problem is, they are growing up to see Social Services as a threat to their reasonable independence rather than a help in need. And I do not like that.

Mine are now much older-they have not come to serious harm-the house has not mysteriously combusted as soon as I go out. I am thankful that I have gradually given them independence and not the message that 'the world is a dreadful place-only the presence of mummy, at all times, keeps you safe!' They will never learn to assess risk if they are not allowed to take any!
It is getting worse and worse-I do hope the pundulum will swing eventually.

Or should I tell them that parents in all other countries they have experience of are totally irresponsible and it is only the British who understand about health and safety? The problem is, they are both old enough to ask to see the statistics. And the statistics, unfortunately, do not bear this out.

'The problem is, they are growing up to see Social Services as a threat to their reasonable independence rather than a help in need. And I do not like that.

Well put-sums it up beautifully and will be my last word on the subject!

Maybe my sense of independence - now being fostered in ds - started when I was 1 year old and walked a mile through the African veld, through (under ) a herd of cattle from my parents' house to my granny's house, losing my nappy on the way, so that I could play with her button tin!

I beleive I was supposed to be having a nap, so the first anyone knew of it was when my granny opened the door to me!

It was my last word except that I meant pendulum!

Social Services might well do something- and perfectly reasonably- if a baby was left alone. Social Services are also made up of ordinary people who live in the same society as the rest of us and are swayed by the same arguments. They are not all going to be exactly the same or have exactly the same reactions. Mind you, the same social worker told me I was laying myself open to prosecution for leaving my nearly 10yo at home to attend a meeting but then suggested to my 13yo (disabled and suffering from depression at the time) that for her to still go to a childminder twice a week might be a sign of overprotective parenting. So somewhere between 10 and 13 (ignoring depression and disability), any child is suddenly expected to graduate from not being able to be at home alone for an hour in the morning as a one off to being alone every afternoon a week, throughout the dark winter evenings, regardless of any other factors. As it so happened, dd would have been perfectly capable of staying at home, she tried to explain that she preferred socialising at the childminder's. But the rigid approach struck me. Particularly as I know ds well enough to know he is at least as reliable as her.

The only GUIDELINES that exist are not to leave a baby or toddler alone in a situation which may lead to them being in danger.That is when social work will intervene.I remember when mine where younger seeing a news item about a mother who left her 2 year old shut in the living room with drinks and snacks whilst she went to work every day,she was prosecuted and child was taken into care and rightly so.

It is particularly bizarre as this is the child that travels to and from school in a taxi provided by the LEA: no escort and from time different taxi drivers, so we have no knowledge of who is taking her and no chance to meet him beforehand. But heigh! if it's done by the local authority it must be safe; if it's a risk assessment done by a parent who knows the child, then it must be dodgy.

It's just a totally different society we live in now with all the interference it's more like George Orwell's 1984

I think that sums it up very well, MintHumbug. I find myself treading some kind of middle path: sometimes explaining to dcs that "yes, well I do think it's silly but it's a cultural thing that we have to bow to, like school uniformsm or something" and sometimes doing my own thing if I think it is important.

I cannot believe what i am reading here!! Can i just remind you of Madeliene McCann!! I work in child protection and can access the known paedophiles in any area and i can tell you they are very clever and could soon work out patterns of movement etc. I work practically full time and was also a single Mum of 4 for years and i never left my children on their own. Can people not get on with their shopping whilst the kids are at clubs or with partners etc. It seems a very risky thing to do. As my friend pointed out the other day would you leave your handbag unattended or your car unlocked??
As for the law there is a loophole which means there is no actual age but the child laws also work upon "reasonable steps to protect a child" and "good enough" parenting. If something did happen i think you could find yourself in a sticky situation. They are only young for a while it soon passes and they grow up and you will find yourselves watching the Mums chatting to there children as they shop and wish you had made the most of it.Good luck in making the right choice for you and dd.

My you are very aggressive. I merely expressed an opinion and was not trying to cause offence just give a different take on things as i thought this site was for.

If someone could work out my pattern of movement, could they let me know please!

I am not going to live my life contrained by the fear of paedophiles who may or may not be on every street corner (you can guess what I tihnk of the relative probabilities).

I don't work in the area - but had a father who had to testify about child abuse cases involving NAI, a best friend and her husband who are GPs, live above another pair of GPs, ds' best friend's mother is a social worker dealing with children who have "survived" abuse - and they all, without exception, say that by far the majority of abuse takes place within the home, usually family members.

As a society, we really do need to learn proper risk assessment. In my (personal) view, our children are more at risk through us not allowing them to learn to make thier own judgements (example: the spike in RTAs amongst kids ging to secondary school unaccompanied for the first time) than through sensible parents gradually encouraging independence.

Cory gives a good example of the different attitude in Sweden. I am sorry we are so paranoid and distrustful in the UK - but am reassured by this thread that there are other parents who take a common sense approach, judging the indiviual capabilities of their children.

ledkr When I left mine I didn't worry about them being abused as most incidences of abuse occur in the home [I was abused by elder brother]The Macann's didn't just leave their kids unsupervised on a one off but EVERY NIGHT and in an unsecured apartment.

Christ on a bike, ledkr, that post in extraordinarily alarmist. Of course I leave my handbag unattended in my house!

Maybe SS would have a bit more resource to deal with the Baby Ps of this world, where children are being actually damaged in real life in real time, rather than possibly, maybe, at some sort of slight risk of something unspecified happening for an hour a week.